Gima, I just caught up. I'm sorry. Sorry that it happened the way it did and the place it did. I'm even sorry that you didn't get the satisfaction of serving her first.
I look forward to watching you handle this with the strength, honor, compassion and manliness that you have handled everything these many months and all the while posting and chiming and helping more people on this board than most of us put together.
I am honored to have come to know a man like you and I look forward to meeting you some day (something I am - and have been - determined to do. And will)
Sincerely,
Thanks G. I am trying to get back in the game. I will.
Damn emotions are making it hard though. But, I will get through it. My progress has just been slowed down a bit temporarily.
GIMA, Hang in there buddy, you have certainly fought the good fight and can feel good that you have done everything you can. Will keep you in prayer, tomorrow is a new day, the sun will rise and your life will continue on and your life will be great.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I'm just catching up here. I'm so sorry to see your recent changes.
Its surprising that she wouldn't want to separate for a whilr before going for the big D. I don't think WAS's know the sense of loss they will feel on e they come back from their mental abyss.
I agree with the others. You can hold your head high and be proud of your actions. Thoughts and prayers out to you and your family tonight.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
It really helps. Helps with the feeling I'm alone (which comes and goes).
A wise man once told me that this feeling or fear of being alone is unreasonable.
Oh wait. That wise man was you.
I can understand this 'alone' feeling because it comes and goes for me too. But, you will never be alone. Just look up.
Besides, you will always have us too.
I should have been clearer. I am not worried about being single. What I meant was I feel alone in standing my ground in the face of the D filing. I will make it through, but it is something I will have to face by myself. But, I'm strong enought to handle it.
I just found out about your situation. Hang in there man! I am really surprised that your W had the courage to file for divorce. I figured that you would be the one to lead out of limboland...but it doesn't really matter who files first.
As I reflect about my situation as well as every other situation I've read on this forum, it becomes very clear to me that we really never had a chance in saving our marriages. DBing was only about saving ourselves! GIMA, you did save yourself. You're a better person today than you were 10 months ago. I predict that we will both approach our wives one day and thank them for dropping the bomb on us b/c we deserved it at the time. They woke us up! I'm not saying that our wives were blameless in the marriage, but we are now keenly aware of where WE went wrong.
We will not repeat our mistakes in our next relationships. I pray that one day I may be fortunate enough to meet the next Mrs Right. I hope the same for you my friend. In the meantime, focus on self-care and your beautiful children. You will always be their father, whether you're divorced or not.
Best Regards, LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
Thanks guys. As usual, everyone here always picks me up.
This morning, I had a conversation with my W to discuss the D filing. I could no longer carry around the anger and had a few things to say.
I won't go through the blow by blow, but the upshot of the conversation was that she filed because, W says, I have been condescending and "talked down" to her ever since the bomb so she "couldn't have a conversation with me." That people file D's every day and remain friends for the sake of the children. W's demeanor the entire time of this discussion was one of utter disrespect with lots of anger and eye rolling. I told her I was disappointed in her for filing and having me served at my office. She thought since she wasn't having a sheriff's deputy serve me, she was being "respectful."
The coups de gras was when she told me she was at peace with her decision b/c God was leading her down this path. And, at that point, it became incredibly clear how far gone she is. I have no doubt she truly believes God is telling her to walk out on our M and to break up the family. I feel very sad for her. But, I can't save someone who doesn't think there is any problem or who does not want help.
On the way to work after our discussion, I found it odd how peaceful I felt. Surely, I should be feeling some negative emotion. But,I didn't. Perhaps I needed to hear the words out of her mouth and to see the utter contempt she displays for me, but I now know she sees me as unworthy of even simply politeness. And that is just unacceptable.
I will continue moving forward with more peace that I have done everything I could to save our family and M. As she said in the conversation this morning, her message has been the same since telling me she wanted a D. While I have a different view of that, it is clear from the date of the bomb, W never had any true desire to work on our M. She sees happiness on the other side of this. I know what awaits her, and it isn't pretty.
Have you ever watched the movie Madagascar with your kids?
"Smile and wave fellas...smile and wave."
Don't pay attention to anything your W says at this point. She's simply justifying D to herself. Simply obtain the services of an attorney and proceed forward. You have your answer...your wife wants out...so let her out. Going forward, everything you say to your W must be said in terms of "what's best for the children." Never get angry or lose your cool. The light is at the end of the tunnel my friend.
-LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
Have you ever watched the movie Madagascar with your kids?
"Smile and wave fellas...smile and wave."
Don't pay attention to anything your W says at this point. She's simply justifying D to herself. Simply obtain the services of an attorney and proceed forward. You have your answer...your wife wants out...so let her out. Going forward, everything you say to your W must be said in terms of "what's best for the children." Never get angry or lose your cool. The light is at the end of the tunnel my friend.
-LFH
Thanks buddy. I will keep walking and I'll get there. The children are my highest priority at this point.
