Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[chatterbug]

I make hot sauces... Maybe you need some

And Mr. Woods. i would have loved to watch that with ladybug. We watched nurse Jackie .....

What show was it ?

And tomorrow. Be happy. Enjoy the lunch.

P.S. you guys are crazy... Why does he have to come so early. I would tell him to bring the paper and coffee....

Take care. Good luck tomorrow. Be yourself. And enjoy a lunch. And any R talk from him. Change the topic.

He is not worth any talk while his is comitting adultry.

Always remember that.

[newmama]

He is not worth any talk while his is comitting adultry.

Always remember that.

Thanks for caring, Cutter! But don't worry--first of all I think there's a 0% chance we will be talking about our relationship during lunch or anytime tomorrow. Secondly, if/when he wants to "talk" about R, my first question would be "is it over between you and OW?"

The show was 30 Rock but we used to watch The Office, Mad Men, Sopranos (on DVD), Entourage, Eureka, and so many others. Yes, we sometimes went out on the weekends but not during the week.

Now for those hot sauces, post the recipe for one !
And do you bake in addition to cook?

[chatterbug]

I just cook.
Tonight nothing fancy.
Just salad (greens, walnuts, dried cranberries )and some pan fried catfish.
The salad dressing I will make. Just some oil , lemon and basil


Do not bake. Never got into baking. But I may start baking pies...

Enjoy your day. I hope you have a good one.

[ravenly1974]

oooooooooh cannot wait for tonite's update!

[newmama]

Okay, I will reply in sandwich of good-bad-good news.

Good: I managed to stay busy working out, etc. from about 8:45-11.
We left for lunch and I was myself (repeating these words from Cutter, thank you!!). WH paid for all of us. We had pleasant conversation about his mom and the place. He voluntarily told me that a male co-worker of his recommended the place. Apparently there is another franchise in the same town where the coworker and OW live. I realize that WH is good at lying, but he seemed convincing as he tried the food like it was the first time he tried it.

Then he wanted to go to the store to pick up some more ointment and pedialyte for S. So we had nice time shopping and puttin S in the cart for the first time!

When we returned, I got busy cleaning. As I stopped to take something out of the vacuum I noticed there was a LOT of my hair! I made comments like wow, there is enough for a baby doll and how it's unfortunate that my hair gets all over the place and if it was short it wouldn't have been a problem! He said Me and S like your long hair. I pretended to not notice but it was a compliment about my appearance which is what I was waiting for.

WH and S took a nap. I left to get an ice cream cone from DQ, returned and continued cleaning.WH observed that I vacuumed the stairs and said it looked really nice. I explained that I discovered a different attachment which made it a lot easier than what I tried before (he used to be the one to vacuum the stairs).

Bad: WH sat down about 15 minutes before he left and had the visitation schedule in front of him. He said he hadn't filled out the Saturdays yet. I asked why and he explained he wanted to see him longer on those days. Long story short (sorry Ravenly!) I stayed calm and we worked out 8-4.

BUT I accidentally said "Not this Saturday, though!" He asked me if I had plans and I said maybe (I was trying not to tell him!) He said I didn't have to tell him what I was doing. I backtracked and said that I just hadn't finalized the plans yet. (In our previous conversation I explained that some Saturdays I would want to take S with me to do stuff and he had said to lethim know and he would work with me).

So he might think S and I are going together somewhere. Damn!
THEN he said he knew I wasn't comfortable with the idea, but he wanted to start taking S overnights, like on Fridays and return him around 1 like it said in the parenting plan. He said it could happen 2-3 months from now if I needed more time to get used to the idea. I told him that I needed to take him to a baby shower on the 22 but we could start next Friday if he wanted. He said that the 29th would be fine to start.

Good: I am finding a MOnday night class to take, maybe Pilates. So I will be able to cut dinners to one night per week. The class doesn't start for a few weeks but I plan on lying and telling him tomorrow that I signed up and it starts on Monday.

I think it might be more realistic if I told him I was taking a class on Monday nights instead of abruptly telling him I will be going out every Monday night.

So what do you think?
Also, I toyed with the idea of telling him tomorrow that he could take S this Friday and the next, so that I could get used to it. ???? The problem is that S will have to spend a night at OW's for the first time, AND part of the night on Saturday at my SIL because I have plans on Saturday.

Please advise! Go ahead and give me 2x4s as needed! Or tell me I am doing something right. ARRRGGHH! At least he hasn't brought up D.

[ravenly1974]

Ok, here is what I think.

I think it sounds like OW is starting to put pressure on him about D and spending much less time at your place. I think he probably told her "After the holidays" and that is why he is now bringing it up. This is both good and bad. Good in that OW is starting to show her true colors, become demanding and put her insecurities before him seeing his son. Bad in that he is obviously willing to do things to make her happy - still an emotional tie there. Obviously, this is ALL speculation on my part, but if I were to take a stab that is my take on it.

Newmama, I think you are doing awesome in how you are handling this. Unbelievably strong and so so so classy. Someday, he is really going to regret this - I just so hope it is sooner than later.

[newmama]

Thank you Ravenly, I think what you are saying makes sense. Now what about my Qs? Should I tell him that I'm taking a class on Mondays? Is that ok? Like I said, I think it would be too weird if I happened to need to leave EVERY Monday night. I want to be mysterious but then it does need to be believable. And should I tell him tomorrow that he can take S this Friday night?
thank you so much...I know I can still call my DB coach.

[newmama]

Are there any former walk away husbands who share insight? It seems like more men on this forum dealing with WAW. PDT and Sandi have WAW insights to share.

[ravenly1974]

I would tell him you have a class, absolutely!

As far as letting him take S on Friday - well, that is entirely based on what *you* are comfy with. I know for me, I would drag that out as long as possible.

I also think it is time to start making this situation as uncomfortable as possible for him. I think he needs a dose of reality on what a divorced dad's life is truly like. Meaning, I would put down definite boundaries on S that you are 100% comfortable with. I am pretty sure the courts wait until baby (at least in Ohio and Michigan) is at least 1 year old before they allow overnights.

2x4 time, said with much caring and hope for your situation.

Right now, your WH has it soooooo very very very easy. You are making this a walk in the park for him. Granted, the changes are for you, and for him to *see*, but he is doing far more than just seeing the changes but benefiting from them directly.

[newmama]

You are right Ravenly. He has it easy.But if what you suggest about OW is true, and it does make a lot of sense, then if OW pressures him to D and so do I, then....?

Oh and In my state, overnights start at 6 months.