What does your W's income/career or what she cares or does not care about have to do with YOU taking control of YOUR finances?
Help us understand why you think splitting accounts is such a terrifying move? Why are you comfortable letting your W "cake eat" with joint finances while she is sleeping with other men?
What does it matter if PMA's spouse came back when the issue at hand is why you are lagging on taking care of your OWN finances?
2.5 years? I am 17 months into this. At what point did you move forward with separating accounts PMA? And was your W in a better financial career where she could have cared less?
Kevin
Again, why do you worry if she cares or not?
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
No problem. Divorce was finalized last January. I eventually realized that I was in love with the person I wanted her to be not who she really was. A lot of us on this board have come to that realization.
Once the TRUST was broken over and over and I had finally moved on emotionally like she had it was done for me.
I still wish things could have been different especially for our daughters sake, but it is what it is. You have to eventually accept reality just like they eventually will.
Like I have recently posted. In the last couple days my X has let me know how sorry and regretful she is. I have told her that I wish she would have come to this revelation earlier. Plus she is still with the guy she had the affair with which makes it very difficult to trust her again. I am more interested in working on our relationship as co-parents.
And I had an hour-long meeting with my ex-wife this morning on some co-parenting issues where she admitted that my fiance has been a blessing to everyone.
Kevin, life is passing you by while you "think things through."
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
oh. about the finances. Prior to our separation my X left a 6 figure income to start her own insurance business. Now she is regretting that decision. I stood my ground from day one. She stayed in the house. As part of our settlement agreement I was paying $500 pm towards the mortgage once she said she wasn’t paying the mortgage anymore and was going to let it foreclose I stopped giving her $500pm. She was pissed but I stood my ground. Eventually we settled on joint, physical custody but again she didn’t follow thru with her side of things so I filed for full like she had done. After the GAL's report came out recommending I get sole custody of our D4 she finally got her "wake up" call. That would probably have never happened if I folded like a lot of people choose to do.
My advice, once again, keep on tightening the screws. Force her to accept the reality of what she has done and continues to do. aka get the courts involved, separate finances, no family time. If I hadn’t had fought hard she would have never had to face the consequences of her actions. Some people are so screwed up and desensitized to what they are doing that you have to be the one.
Until you give your WAW the freedom she is begging for she will never know what it feels like to not have you in her life. Every time you show your hurt feelings to her she knows she has you right where she NEEDS you. Break the cycle. Be the MAN we all know you can be.
I can't afford to. The funds aren't there and the L called me back and said not in my best interest that the current deal is the best I can probably hope for. He said I can put in the decree no sleep overs by men until and if W remarries which is standard. He also said I can ask for CS given our differences in salaries, but that it could lead her to go after custody if I do and I could end up losing big time.
Quote:
no family time
I don't see how this helps build a bridge back to each other.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I don't see how this helps build a bridge back to each other.
Kevin
Because it once again FORCES her to SEE the REALITY of the situation. She is divorced in her mind Kevin, but because of you still holding on is not FEELING the EFFECTs of divorce. She still thinks you will want to play house even if you have another family. It's true DIVORCE isn't a game. Help her see that this is REAL. Not only will she loose YOU but also her "fantasy" of what her family is.
Are you saying to have 2 separate birthday parties for D7 next weekend. One on my time with her and one on W's time with her instead of together? Also W's father is coming into town and W's family is planning on participating. To do this would alienate any progress I have made with MIL and the rest of the family. They would all view me as they did before.
Is that really the road I want to go down especially when we have already been discussing birthday plans?
Help me out here.
Drew, I just don't want to make a mistake. Ultimately I want to reconcile with W and have my family back intact along with my kids having both parents together and in the same house again. I just do not want to make the wrong move and completely eliminate that from happening down the road. I don't want to be percieved as a jerk and therefore no reason to look back at me.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
