Dusk at Dawn.

[mindfull]

I am sorry mindfull i do not understand?

Excellent job on the conversation. You kept your composure, your beliefs in check, etc...

[newmama]

Cutter, you did FABULOUS! WOW! I think she must have been floored by your confidence and take charge attitude!

Now this part confuses me:

LB: So do you see us working this out like them.
C: I would have to take some time to think about that. But in the current situation I do not see anything.
25 second pause.
C: So ladybug. How do you think.
LB: Repeated my words in the current situation I do not see anything.

Does LB want to work things out some day? Why did she ask?

[chatterbug]

Cutter, you did FABULOUS! WOW! I think she must have been floored by your confidence and take charge attitude!

Now this part confuses me:

LB: So do you see us working this out like them.
C: I would have to take some time to think about that. But in the current situation I do not see anything.
25 second pause.
C: So ladybug. How do you think.
LB: Repeated my words in the current situation I do not see anything.

Does LB want to work things out some day? Why did she ask?

She asked that question because I set her up for it. I wanted to end the conversation highlighting that I have dropped the rope. And I got her to say the exact same words back to me.

I needed to finish strong. I needed to say those words exactly how I said them.

This may be bad. But I felt very good throughout the conversation. I kept a very monotone voice. And did not ever hesitate when I spoke. And when I spoke it was exactly how you said. confidence and take charge attitude!

Now this is a 180. And I am going to communicate every thing now with her with confidence and take charge attitude.

This is the first time in my life that I heard her hesitate. I could feel her losing control of the conversation. Then I could tell that this conversation was not going according to plan.

I truly believe she came into that conversation thinking that she was going to gain control of me again. As I believe that things are starting to come undone. And she knows now that she has lost control of me. And I think she desperatly needed to take control of something. Must suck living with the boss in a rental. Kids hate you. Parents disappointed. Losing close friends due to her actions. Losing your husband's love. Losing control of life.
She has always been quick witted. Strong in conversations. Never pauses. And that was the first time I ever heard her hesitate, stutter and not sound confident.

Going foward each conversation with her now will be with purpose. Financial stuff. Within a day. BS stuff ignore. House and seperation stuff within a day.

I am going to have to process all this. As much has happened in the last few days with myself after such a tough holiday.

Hugs to everyone who has taken time out of their lives to help me. I will never forget this help. Unconditional love. Thankyou.

It took 7 months to get to this point.

As always. Opinions and 2x4's where needed.

[chatterbug]

We put ourselves through this mess because we love them. But there are limits and there are only so many times you can be kicked in the teeth until you say no more. No more hurt. No more pain. No more WAS. I am done. I am finished. Stop the train, I'm getting off here.

P & Cutter, feeling the same guys. Either our rollercoasters are synchronized and we are on the lows, or having sympathy pains or just reaching the same points on this "ride".

{{hugs}}

We will help each other through this next stage.

[chatterbug]

Cutter,

I have been lurking around for the past 4 months following your threads (and P17, newmama, and daybyday). Reading your conversation you had with LB and forced me out of my silence to say: BLOODY WELL DONE! You should be very proud of yourself!

Hi oflahert.

Maybe its time to join in and offer a helping hand.

[chatterbug]

Is your SIL all right? And how did YOU end up taking her to the hospital?

Newmama. SIL is very sick and has kemo every 8 weeks. I make the day very calm for her. And she is such a good person. I have been taking her to Kemo for the last 18 months. And she has 18 months to go. I love her very much. And anything I can do to help get through the sickness I will do. Plus I love her children. Since I do not have any I always lived through them. They are so important in my life. And I am in theres. It is a relationship that I wish to have until my days are done.

Thanks newmama.

[P17]

well speak of the devil. The phone rings. I get the spiderly tingles going.

Cutter,

I too just want to chime in say well done. You're there my friend. You have finally jumped the wall and standing, hands on hips, can now speak your mind clearly, concisely, confidently and calmly.

Ladybug will take a few days to process this info I think. She will be wondering what that was all about. Where did the old cutter go? What has happened to him? Wait a minute, how did he do that?

I think the end question was particularly good, especially the final word being acceptance.

I think once she wakes up from her kidney punch she will come back at you. She won't lie down to this, but then you know that.

Very proud of you. Have no fear now that you are walking, sorry MARCHING, down that road now. Shortly to overtake Ladybug who has sprained her ankle.

[P17]

As always. Opinions and 2x4's where needed.

The only question I have is .... is this it over for you? No more Ladybug?

[Day by Day]

Bravo Cutter!! I pray I can be as strong and confident and in control as you if/when I have a convo with my WAH. Wow! Thanks for posting how it went... what an example.

Good luck with the followup convos. I'll be thinking of you.

[sandi2]

Hi Cutter. I take it as a compliment that you invited me to drop by your thread. As usual, you are doing a great job. Few have come here and did as much as fast.

I don't really know anything to add. I have seen throughout people's threads that "drama" seems to be what sinks the ship the quickest. The WAW will try to pull you into that drama in order to get the control. If you don't wort it off, friends and family can pull you into the drama also. So, finding where your strength lies and hanging onto it.....and applying it....is what you have to do. You are doing it, as far as I can tell. I believe when the LBH "refuses" to be drawn into the drama that the WAW presents.....then she has no fight! How can you fight if the other person won't strike back?

As you well know, when a S or D is drawn up, angry emotions are all over the place and a perfect setting for a good case of drama. So, I encourage you to refuse to be emotional with her. Refuse to fall into her pits. Stay calm and collected in her presence. Smile & wave! She will make a mountain out of every molehill. So, sit back and smile & wave as if you think....."whatever".

I tried to contact you, but guess it was on the old thread. I was concerned about one of the newcomers we had been talking to about exposure. But, maybe he's got things under control. IDK. Just concerned about it.

Take care, Cutter.