Journaling--Things are still pretty damn good. I'm still worried about jinxing it though.
I'm really excited for Christmas in a way that I haven't ever been. Our son's first Christmas was about 5 months post bomb. We were separated for his second, but H came over that morning. Up until the week before we had been kind of trying to work things out since Thanksgiving, but he crawled back into the tunnel with the "it'll never work" mindset again. He had presents for me that I refused to open and I spent most of the time he was here in the basement, chain smoking, and sobbing. The next year, our son's 3rd, I invited him to come that morning for his and our son's sake even though we were barely talking, but he said, "I probably won't bother". Just as emotionless as it sounds and he didn't bother. I never invited him again for the next two years.
The plan is this year he's going to spend Christmas Eve here so he can be here Christmas morning. For the first time ever, we will be together for a "real" Christmas morning as a family. Complete with an excited 5 year old ripping into presents with wild abandon. H kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I really can't think of anything better than that.
I feel very fortunate right now. I don't know what the future holds but no matter what, I'm thankful for what I have right now. Happy holidays everyone!
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Mine was very nice! H was here all morning then we went to his place with our son. From there I took S to my parents' and after that H took S to his family thing. H brought S home to me Saturday morning and we all hung out here until Sunday afternoon. It was awesome.
Yesterday I got some stuff in the mail from his lawyer and that threw me for a loop. It was the revised divorce paperwork from some court stuff we had in July. I thought he had to pay some extra money to his lawyer to get this stuff prepared and filed so I guess he did--but he could have done that 3 months ago... I guess now all it needs is the judge's signature and we'll be divorced. Go figure!
It really is just a piece of paper at this point (we've been apart 4.5 years), but it still threw me. 12 months ago it would have made me feel relieved that that part of my life would finally have closure. Now? Obviously things are different. LOL I haven't said anything about it to him. We're still in contact every day and even flirting back and forth texting at this very moment, so I'm going to try to compartmentalize the legal stuff and keep it separate from what there is between us right now.
During this past month or so that we've been spending time together I've even thought that it might be best to finish the divorce even if we reconcile. Kind of a symbolic end to all the crap of the last 5+ years so this can be a fresh start. I guess I just don't like getting tangible reminders of the symbolic end in the mail.
Last edited by Freckle6; 12/30/0904:07 AM.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Had a great NYE with H. He brought champagne and everything! I haven't been kissed at midnight since before my son was born. The last NYE before he moved out was horrible. He was out and I couldn't get a hold of him until 4 a.m. And there I was at home with a 6 month old baby. Last night made up for that though!
Things are really feeling good. I'm still scared to get too hopeful about things but it's going on almost 2 months now. In all the back and forth with him the last 4+ years apart, never has it lasted this long and never have we been in a place where we talked/texted/IMed as much as we do every single day now.
Last night he said he almost brought his cat over with him! That would have been interesting. I have our 14 year old, very lazy and docile cat, my 5 month old obnoxious kitten, and he has a 2 year old cat. We talk about his cat putting my kitten in its place so she leaves our older cat alone.
He was telling me about a largish bonus he expects to get at work in the near future and started teasing, saying, "I'm going to have a flat screen TV." I told him that I wouldn't have one any time soon and then he said that maybe we'll share a flat screen TV... He does make lots of comments about doing this or that to the(my?) house so I know it's on his mind to some extent. I still think it's too early, but I'm not as scared about it being a complete disaster anymore. At one point last night he was talking about how picky he is with things being in their place and his little cleaning idiosyncrasies. I was like, "Hello. I know all this. I've lived with you for quite a while and married you." He was like, "Oh, yeah!" and laughed.
Oh, and another one for the "out of the mouth's of babes" book: I asked my 5 year old today if it's going to be a good year this year. I told him that I thought it would because it's started off pretty nice so far. He chimes right in, "Why? Because your husband was here today?"
I've been able to catch myself in plenty of time, but more and more I find myself almost about to say ILY to him. Not even as some huge declaration of feeling, but just the random ILYs that you throw out there without thinking in a normal M. Must not go there yet!
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Thanks Hope. I don't know that I'd call it a success yet. I feel like I'm tempting fate by even posting in this forum... I read where you spent the day at the beach today. *I'm* jealous of that! The wind is howling here and there's a foot of new snow in my driveway that isn't snowblowing itself.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
H came over last night after it had been snowing all weekend. A mile away from here his truck went into a ditch. Someone passing by gave him a ride here. This morning he realized he didn't have his wallet and didn't remember if he had brought it. After S got on the bus we went and shoveled around his truck while waiting for a friend of his to try to pull him out.
Tonight he texted me after work and said his wallet was at his apartment thankfully. I told him I felt like I gave him bad luck when he comes here because he either misplaces his wallet (he left it here once before and I didn't see it until later in the day and he was freaking out about it looking for it at home), make him late for work the next day, or now I make him drive off the road.
He then said, "All of the problems would be solved if I lived there. No reason to be sorry." It caught me off guard and I lightly replied that I was worried that I'd have to learn some new tricks to make it worth his trouble to come over here during the week and he said for me not to think too deep, that it was just a solution to a problem.
And I think we'll be divorced any day now... I have the state's website set up to email me with any changes in the case so I'll know the day after the judge signs it (if that is the only thing left). Ahh, irony. We're closer than we've ever been to possibly working things out and a hair away from being divorced.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Wow, remember the D papers are just that - papers. I will have to catch up on your sitch, but I've noticed quite a few people who have pieced their marriages back together after the D was settled! Sandi2 said sometimes it takes a D to finally and truly drop the rope and that is a better starting point? I don't know. Remember your experiences and feelings together matter more than a piece of paper.
My sitch is similar. Now that we are settling our legal separation any day now, we have started MC and are doing better than ever. ???
Where do you live? I'll send some California sunshine your way! I'm actually itching for some snow - may take S to the mountains this weekend. PS our sons were born the same year too!
H kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I really can't think of anything better than that.
Last night made up for that though!