We put ourselves through this mess because we love them. But there are limits and there are only so many times you can be kicked in the teeth until you say no more. No more hurt. No more pain. No more WAS. I am done. I am finished. Stop the train, I'm getting off here.
P & Cutter, feeling the same guys. Either our rollercoasters are synchronized and we are on the lows, or having sympathy pains or just reaching the same points on this "ride".
{{hugs}}
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
Cutter, the reality is that you don't have to stay with Ladybug. You do have a longer history than I do with WH but (sadly) you don't have kids together. NOT that having kids should be the only reason to stay with someone but if you love the person AND share kids,it makes it more compelling to try to make it work.
Everyone knows that the BS has every right to stay or go no matter if there are kids or not. But, I feel uncomfortable saying this, I honestly think it is easier to GO when there aren't kids involved. Easy shmeesy...it's all relative.
And you can see how you feel next week! If you are at a minimum letting go of the rope, then that is a-ok.Letting go does not mean anything permanent.
NOW if you decide to hold on a little longer...so what if ladybug blows up at you and gets pissed. It doesn't mean anything!! Any human being would get mad if their former spouse stopped communicating with them altogether. Keep sticking to your plan.
Is your SIL all right? And how did YOU end up taking her to the hospital?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
well speak of the devil. The phone rings. I get the spiderly tingles going. Let it go. I am thinking if it rings again in 10 and then in 10 again its ladybug. Time to see if I can pass the test of controlling a conversation based on my feelings to day. Time for some 180's on my stitch. I am in complete control now. So out of the dark I go. To resolve a few issues.
Talked to ladybug for 30 minutes. Finalized everything. Papers signed in a week. She comes and gets the rest of her stuff on the 23rd. House for sale Apr 1st. Going to communicate directly for the seperation papers. Back date it to the 15th of Sept. Communicate directly over taxes.
Conversation goes like this
LB:Cutter we need to talk. C: Ladybug. Ok lets talk ( I pause and mute the phone and take a few deep breaths. And go. Lets do this. Lets see how strong I am. Lets see if I can take complete control of this conversation. Lets see if I can do what all LBS should do. Take Complete control of their lives ) Silence C: Ok what do you want to talk about LB: I have a few loose ends we need to tie up cutter. We need to talk about them now. C: Ok what do you want to talk about
When she complained about me sitting on the house to april. She said that she was upset that I made a decision that affected the both of us without her consent and that it was very unconsiderate. I replied back that since she had made a few decisions over the last year that affected me without my consent that were very unconsiderate I was allowed to follow a choice decision that we had talked about in Sept. without any additional input. My words were as follows C: Well since you have made a few decisions about my life without being considerate of my feelings I have decided that I am staying in this house until April 1st. On that day this house goes on the market. Next topic that you wish to talk about Silence 1 minute C:Ok. Since there are no more this conversation is ..... Pause 15 seconds LB: I have a few more items to talk about Pause 15 seconds C: Ok. Your stuff. There are a few options here. Option 1. I take all your stuff you left behind and dump it in the trailer and your dad picks it up LB: Well I do not think its fair to have my dad in the middle. Whats your second option? C: You tell me. LB: well I will come over and get it. C: Well I am not here this day. You can come there. Silence about 30 seconds C:Ok what is next on the list Silence about 20 seconds C:Ok. Seperation papers. They are ready to be signed. So lets get this over with. Silence about 20 seconds LB: OK. But I do not want IM to see them again. Only when he witnesses them. Can you send back the updated ones. C: OK. I will email them to you on friday. I agree he can just sign them and we will work this one out between us. Also taxes. We can work this one out as well. I am filling seperatly. LB: Well should we not wait to see what is best for both of us. C: Well we are seperated since Sept. When you left so I file seperatly. ( Knowing that I have kept paying all the tax deductable savings and she has been spending her money travelling around the world ... I warned her... oh well ) Silence again 30 seconds... I can really tell this conversation is not going according to plan. So I toss a curve ball C:Thank you very much for allowing me to continue my relationship with FIL, MIL, SIL Neice and nephew. I am glad you did not get in the way. LB: Well I want to talk to you about that.... C: Go on. LB: I was upset I did not get a dvd when neice was over there. She said that I was inconsiderate of her feelings about getting the dvd to her before the holidays. C: Well I am not at your beck and call and I was angry that you used neice as a messanger. IF you really needed the dvd you could rent or buy it. LB: I will not buy a dvd I own. You were not considerate of my feelings and not civil there. C: I can see how you feel that way. LB: and your silence was not being considerate. C:I was going through the grieving stages. Denial, Anger , Bargining, Depression and finally acceptance. Silence. So I let the word acceptance linger C: I decided that I would not make rash decisions. So I took time to figure out what I wanted to do. And when I was ready. I decided that it was time I let you know. I know now what I want. Silence for a minute LB:If you hear something you do not like or feel it hurts you you can always call me to clear it out. There are rumours. C:Do not worry I tell everyone I do not want to hear about your life as I am no longer apart of it. I am assuming you are doing the same because you are no longer apart of my life Silence. I just wait now to see what she says. LB:I wanted to talk to you about the upcoming wedding. I do not want... Silence. C:Please finish the sentance. Pause. Waiting to see if she will say the word adultery. C:Please complete your thought then. Silence. C:I am still waiting. Do not start a sentance and wait for me to finish it. Silence. C:Here is the thing Ladybug. I do not bad mouth you to anyone about being the maid of honour. I never once said you should step down.I perfer that people for their own opinion of you based on your actions over the last year Silence. C:Do not worry I will be civil at the wedding. LB:How do you see us communicating down the road? C:Smile and wave. Silence 10 seconds. C:Do not worry I will be civil. That is all I see. C: anything else? LB:How is your friend who stayed at the house? Is he still there? C:t is good. I convinced him to go back and work on his marriage. And he is back there doing the hard work to fix his marriage. All in all it cost him about 80K. LB:Its all about the money then? C:the money is the least important part of all of this.
NOW I AM THINKING. YEA I JUST LOOPED YOU INTO A R TALK. ONE WHERE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE THE ANSWER. HERE IS THE FINAL DROP THE ROPE. LB: So do you see us working this out like them. C: I would have to take some time to think about that. But in the current situation I do not see anything. 25 second pause. C: So ladybug. How do you think. LB: Repeated my words in the current situation I do not see anything. C: Well I got to go now. I have hockey. Have a good night ladybug and take care. LB: good night cutter.
I hang up
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
So now the next step in this is to contact her. Cancel the picking of stuff up day... Pick another day. State. I want to be here when you come over. I do not want any differences in what stays and leaves. We work it out that day. Everything that is yours is gone that day. Everything you leave behind is mine.
I need to pass test two. See her before the jack and jill and the wedding.
I am very proud of myself tonight.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
LBS. Controls their own destiny. I have gained control. I wish every LBS who reads this burns this in their memory. It is not about them. IT IS ABOUT YOU. YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I have been lurking around for the past 4 months following your threads (and P17, newmama, and daybyday). Reading your conversation you had with LB and forced me out of my silence to say: BLOODY WELL DONE! You should be very proud of yourself!
This is the first I've really read in this thread, and I too must say well done.
I will try to catch up on the entire sitch, this is an inspiration to me- and I can only hope that your words will remian burned in my mind- this is about me, and me taking back control of my life.
Hugs.