So Mercury (ruler of communications, phone calls, messages the internet etc) is going BACKWARDS right now, returning, revisting, re-, ie about the past. I have been asking bf for the phone bill details for months.. we have been getting our joint bills/logins shared again since i moved back in and this is the last thing I couldnt access.
I suspect its because he knew the back catalogue of phonecalls are all listed.. he just sent me the password and sure enough I searched and found phonecalls to her pre May.. lots, every other day and it made my stomach turn over and feel sick.. then I realised how stupid that was.He was in an R with her, so why get worked up that he phoned her! Interesting though, I see all the calls from the past when Mercury is retrograde (nerd!)
Still, it was upsetting to see her numbers pop up so frequently. Most of the calls would have been on his mobile to her and I dont have access to his bills. A tiny part of me still worries occasionally, but I can honestly say I DO trust him completely again.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
PMA is definitely required for conception. I can't tell you the number of women I know personally who had trouble conceiving only to give up and then get pregnant without effort within a couple of months. The stress of actually 'trying' seems to stop something. I guess that's why so many babies are conceived on prom night in the back seat of a Chevy! Ok, that was bad....
You are moving ahead nicely and I'm so happy to see it. When does bf have another appt w/the dr.?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I actually know two people who adopted because they were having difficulties, then got pregnant with their "second" child after the adoption. They weren't "trying" anymore. They weren't stressed about it. And so it happened.
Which actually segues into another thought, you two could always have one of your own, then if you start menopause adopt a second. There are so many babies out there who could use a pair of loving people like you two.
(((Ali)))
Happy 2010!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I was thinking of adopting a third child !!!!!!!!!! Just a thought though cause I couldnt pull it through right now. Kids need stable parents and I am far from being stable or sane...
Hey Mish, thanks! His appointment is Monday. He's been a lot brighter just lately actually, thankfully.
Michelle, K! We'd love to adopt..but I dont know whether we would be acceptable to adopt in the UK, with his depression and my debts !?? Maybe we could aim to adopt a second, 1 baby would be a blessing at my age!
I've been nosing through the phone bill records and he was calling her most days, for a minute or two (to make arrangements? Why does that hurt even now!?) interestingly, often on Saturday late mornings, Sunday afternoons.. so I was right they really didnt spend alot of time together and not all weekend. He said they didnt.
and.. he phoned her briefly on my birthday, but he didnt phone me. Why does that hurt so much!? Feeling a bit aggrieved today.. I think I will tell him later. Plus there are still 3 large format photos here she gave him, one of them hugging. He doesnt realise they are still in the house. I think he should get rid of them?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I think you should let him get rid of them when he is ready to. Somethings need to be on his time line. You may mention seeing them and asking if he didn't mind putting them away. It would be like him asking you to toss every photo of you and past boyfriends or friends he didn't like. The past in this sense has nothing to do with him or you.
I also would quit looking for things like when he called her. Ali, it is over. Quit dredging it up. I adore you and hate the idea of you hurting yourself like this. I am sure it doesn't help BF either. He is with you now. He didn't cheat, he dated someone whilst you weren't together, period. Let it go.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree, I would never ask him to bin them and he does have photos of exgf's here. I have already told him I'd seen them, but it was his choice and he said he didnt want to keep anything so I think he has just forgotton they're there.. but as she intersected our R and is NOT just a past gf, it would be helpful if he did get rid of them?
As for the nosing.. its just that, nosing ! I meant I was feeling aggrieved about the photos, what with the babymaking going on is all. I had a little moment of jealousy about it today, just because the one large photo was a 'special occassion' one of her in a frock and heels made up looking very pretty and holding a champagne glass up. He didnt take it, he said she just gave it to him early on (she basically wanted him to have a photo of her looking knockout, wierd huh!?) So I dont really want it in my house, its ok for me to just say that isnt it!?? He didnt like me keeping photos of my EA OM, although he too said it was my choice.
oh and he didnt just date her when we were apart.. he met her at work in 2007 and by summer was sneaking out of the house to phone her on his mobile whilst we were very much living together and in a committed R ! I never got to the bottom of that one.. all he said since piecing was she was phoning him, to ask about his broken wrist, because they had become friendly at work...so he lied to me basically. I let that go though.
...He also was working with her 1:1 from May 2007, but besides chatting about all his workmates, he had never ever mentioned her name to me. A sure sign of guilty innapropriate feelings! She had a bf until April 08 though, I always felt intuitively that he DID fancy her summer 07 and that spurred him on to leave me (the only reason he gave me was 'noticing other girls now and thats not right'), but she was attached he didnt run off with her then. And funny coincidence they then started dating huh? He since admitted to me she finished with her bf for him!
So shes not just an exgf, she was the catalyst for him leaving, if that makes sense why I want the photos gone
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I did FB you. Just a quick little note really. I get that all of this hurts, I am just suggesting maybe to stop looking for reasons to hurt. Ask him if he wants to keep the photo and if he does just ask that he put it away, if he doesn't want it, toss it.
I just want you to stop hurting. Life is hard enough without bringing extra trouble to the table. Ok, maybe since I got on to your thread a tad later in the game I didn't get that he snuck out to call her. However, I think it is great that he lets you check his phone but don't look past the last day or so? That is where the hurt comes.
My ex's first affair was before cell phones and I was a flight attendant so I was gone a lot. Perfect storm I know. We never dealt with a lot of those issues and I think they festered and bam!! Who knows he may have been cheating all along but why hurt myself more trying to find out? It is over and I am working on being a healthy, whole person so that I may be fortuanate enough to receive the love I give.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Yeah you're right Kat... I'm pretty good at letting stuff go (maybe on account of my crap memory, ha!). I only know he phoned her back in 2007 pre-bomb cos I snooped on his cell. Today I was looking through old bills on our now joint home phone account. Of course the last ever call to her was 6 May (I think he ended it the next day)..
I know you didnt get the early info, I had actually forgotton myself lately! It was a textbook sitch I suppose, got the 8/9 year itch and met a woman at work who laughed at all his jokes...lucky for me she turned out to be a lousy gf.
Wow, so you were a flight attendant? Glamorous! But yes, I guess you were out of town alot. Funny, men cant get away with A's so easily in this day and age with all the technology!
