You say let her have her own freedom. Are you saying to basically tell her something to this affect and then let it be?
W,
Regarding your friend being introduced to the girls and our coversation about it. My feelings surrounding it may be different than yours. But I want you to know that I do acknowledge and respect your own rights and wishes to make your own choices on what works for you and your life.
Kevin
NO!!!! Don't tell her anything else. As has been pointed out many times, you made your feelings clear on this point. You are still trying to control her. It's like you're giving her your approval.
Can't you see what people are trying to point out to you?
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
He said, yes, you are expected to forgive. But forgiving does not mean forgetting and there are certain people who will continue to hurt and hurt you. And you need to make sure they can never do that again to you. And there is no sin in that.
Wow! Perfect! Powerful! Thank you for sharing that Drew.
I agree. DO NOT send that. You STATED YOUR BOUNDARIES now STOP trying to CONTROL her REACTION. The ONLY REACTION YOU can CONTROL is YOURS PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!!!! Don't tell her anything else. As has been pointed out many times, you made your feelings clear on this point. You are still trying to control her. It's like you're giving her your approval.
Can't you see what people are trying to point out to you?
I am not trying to control her. I was trying to see if I needed to make a change here in how...
Oh I give up.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/04/1006:26 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
He said, yes, you are expected to forgive. But forgiving does not mean forgetting and there are certain people who will continue to hurt and hurt you. And you need to make sure they can never do that again to you. And there is no sin in that.
Wow! Perfect! Powerful! Thank you for sharing that Drew.
That was good. When exh left the first time I went to our priest (I was Catholic then) and he said that exh left the marriage. He abandoned the marriage and wanted it over. There was no need in refusing to sign the D papers at that point. He also said I could still stand for my M but yet keep boundaries in place.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
If I do anything other than completely walk away, then I am controlling. If I even have an ounce of wanting to protect my kids from being dragged through this, I am controlling.
Forget the fact that I am a parent and actually have an opinion on what is better for their lives. No, I am controlling. Unreal.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Regarding your friend being introduced to the girls and our coversation about it. My feelings surrounding it may be different than yours. But I want you to know that I do acknowledge and respect your own rights and wishes to make your own choices on what works for you and your life.
Kevin
Sending this would only reenforce her feelings that you are a weak and someone she can return to easily if she ever decides.
I understand your need to not sit by idle. It is very hard to not try to do something.
Look, my seeking advice from a L had nothing to do with controlling W or punishing W or turning things around with W.
It had everything to do with trying to protect my kids from being pulled into choices being made by W that I do not believe are in the best interest of our kids.
If I am going to be faulted for that, then I will stand guilty.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If I do anything other than completely walk away, then I am controlling. If I even have an ounce of wanting to protect my kids from being dragged through this, I am controlling.
Forget the fact that I am a parent and actually have an opinion on what is better for their lives. No, I am controlling. Unreal.
Kevin
I never told you to completely walk away. I told you not to have the proposed conversation about OM.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
