You have no evidence to the contrary. You are only speculating on HER behavior. A little fantasy in your head perchance?
I don't have definitely proof. You are correct. But it definitely looks like more than just friendship when you take into account the amount of daily phone calls and time spent on the phone at all hours, him having met W's family and friends, him coming up for a visit and meeting and spending time with W and my girls 2 days in a row. And as is always said on here, believe nothing you hear and only 50% of what you see when it comes to the WAS.
Quote:
It's a good sign she is telling you these things. She is either trying to make you jealous or still hurt you. Regardless of the motivation she is still ATTACHED to you. Whether it's ATTACHMENT through LOVE or HATE it is still ATTACHMENT. It will piss her off even more if you DONT REACT EMOTIONALLY and just say "You know how I feel...PERIOD"
PMA, you could knock me over with a feather on this one. My W is ATTACHED to me? You are kidding me right? What in the world would lead you to believe that? She avoids me at all costs unless it is something special to do with the girls for their sake. She knew her "friend" visiting the girls would get back to me and she knew how I would feel about it as I have made it known in the past pertaining to this guy a few months ago, so she had no choice but to talk about it.
I don't see attachment here so much as more of manipulation on her part to try and pull this off.
I could be wrong. You definitely stunned me with that POV.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/04/1005:58 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I struck hard and fast (filed for a D with a protective restraining order). I did not show mercy in the beginning. There was always time for that later if she came around but I kept that big gun loaded and cocked. She was pissed at first, but she admited various times that she liked the strength I had. From that point forward, it was up to her to decide whether she valued our marriage and to prove to me that she wanted back. Even though she eventually asked me for another chance, I had moved on. To this day, I dont regret my choice.
You had a chance to win your M and family back and you said no?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Ultimately, I just want to DB the heck out of this and eventually win my W back and my family back. That is what would be best for all of us in the end.
Here's the attitude and control issues we keep trying to point out to you.
You can't WIN your W back. She's gone Kevin. You need to man up and realize that. And WINNING her back will just push her farther away. She has free will Kevin. She has to WANT to come back. And back shouldn't even be in your vocabulary. Why would she want to come BACK to the same ol' Kevin? A new and improved self-sufficient, stand on his own two feet Kevin? Maybe ....
And you keep saying what would be best for all involved. Their are four people involved Kevin and you are only one of them. You can't possibly know what's best for all involved. If your counselor hasn't pointed this out to you, I would seriously get a new one.
If I was you, these would be my 2010 goals:
1. Realize my marriage is over. 2. Admit my part in it. 3. Change those things in me that need to be changed. 4. Take care of my girls. 5. Detach from W.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
DONT read into what I said. As her still having LOVING feelings. The fact that she still tells you these things means something. Whether it's because she ENJOYS HURTING you or not is for you to determine. You might have hurt her in the past so much that this is all a big game to her. That she enjoys hurting you. Regardless of why? IT IS WHAT IT IS. She is checked out towards you. SHOW HER that YOU are CHECKED OUT as well. Show her the RESPECT by giving her the FREEDOM she is asking for. Most people when they get what they are asking or BEGGING for dont know what to do once they get it. That is the only move I think you have at this point. Or you just STAY STUCK for this year too!
Not to mention, getting help for your ADDICTIVE/OCD PERSONALITY.
You had a chance to win your M and family back and you said no?
Kevin
I realized over time that my W did not have it in her to do the work required to rebuild our M. She was wanting back to "save face". Pride, selfishness and stubborness was very strong in her. I suppose, I turned into the WAH.
I struck hard and fast (filed for a D with a protective restraining order). I did not show mercy in the beginning. There was always time for that later if she came around but I kept that big gun loaded and cocked. She was pissed at first, but she admited various times that she liked the strength I had. From that point forward, it was up to her to decide whether she valued our marriage and to prove to me that she wanted back. Even though she eventually asked me for another chance, I had moved on. To this day, I dont regret my choice.
You had a chance to win your M and family back and you said no?
Kevin
Stop saying win!!!!! This isn't a game!!!
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I realized over time that my W did not have it in her to do the work required to rebuild our M. She was wanting back to "save face". Pride, selfishness and stubborness was very strong in her. I suppose, I turned into the WAH.
I hear that. It's true what they say about TRUST. Once it's gone it's hard to get back. Especially when the lies kept coming. I didnt know where to start believeing her again. Still dont. Without TRUST you have NOTHING. You either are born with the internal strength or not.
You say let her have her own freedom. Are you saying to basically tell her something to this affect and then let it be?
W,
Regarding your friend being introduced to the girls and our coversation about it. My feelings surrounding it may be different than yours. But I want you to know that I do acknowledge and respect your own rights and wishes to make your own choices on what works for you and your life.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
1. Realize my marriage is over. 2. Admit my part in it. 3. Change those things in me that need to be changed. 4. Take care of my girls. 5. Detach from W.
These are worthy goals for many on these boards.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
You might be surprised that I'm Catholic and anti-divorce. And yet, it was the words of a priest that finally opened my eyes to the truth. He said, yes, you are expected to forgive. But forgiving does not mean forgetting and there are certain people who will continue to hurt and hurt you. And you need to make sure they can never do that again to you. And there is no sin in that.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
