y room and went through in my mind some of the things she has compared me to and said about me to her friends and me. And, I stopped in mid thought and asked myself, why do I want to be with her? Other than keeping our family intact, I have no answer.
I'm thinking the same thing right now. I don't want the kids to suffer. I think they need a full time Mom and Dad. If that is how she is going to be then we have to have the serenity to accept things that we cannot change. I'm sure there are other women who are lonely out there now willing to step in and accept us for the men we are. Her loss.
I always hear that in 2 to 5 years the WAS regrets their actions.
Yep. There's actually a study I read several months ago that compiled statistics on who recovered financially quicker who remarried first, etc. And the statistics showed men bounced back financially much quicker and remarried quicker - for both about 3-5 years. I think the study was cited in an article in Time a few months ago. I don't typically read Time, but the cover story was about D, so I read it. Pretty good article too.
I always hear that in 2 to 5 years the WAS regrets their actions.
This is pretty true. I'm seeing it in my xh now. He's actually using words that express that he now knows what he did was wrong, the choices he made were huge mistakes and he's miserable. Karma is a real PITA sometime.
All you can do is what is best for you without bringing too much damage to the kids. As long as you handle the D with honor and integrity like you have the rest of this then your kids will adjust very well to their new circumstances.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
why do I want to be with her? Other than keeping our family intact, I have no answer.
That's the real question isn't it? It's difficult sorting out the love of your family from your M, since they are supposed to be one and the same. It's gotta be painful to see that they can be different(family/M).
I've spent a lot of time these past months reading about kids and divorce I'm sure we all do. Although it's sad that the divorce rate is around 50 percent, it does mean that your kids will be familiar with divorce from at least a few of their friends/classmates. Their generation seems to handle the divorce of the parents better than previous generations. When it's handled with honor and integrity (I liked mishka's reply!) your kids will at least learn from your example about handling tough times.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Sad that it takes 2-5 years for the WAS to have any regrets of their actions. I am sure there are some that never regret it but for those that do and the pain they cause their families it just sucks it takes that long for any remorse.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
Well, the first couple of years are still spent in the euphoria of having a 'new life' full of changes and possibilities. All the years of being 'settled' felt like a burden to them and they are like a prison escapee. If there was an A in place then that is also when they are in the 'honeymoon' period of that new R and we all know what that is like. After a couple of years the bloom is off the rose and they start to realize that the 'new life' they though they created for themselves is nothing but the same pattern as the past with a different face on the 'source of their discontent'. That is typically when they start to realize that they are their own source of misery. It sets in that they tore apart a family because of their own selfishness and then they start to regret it. By then, it's usually too late for them to R with the LBS because they have moved forward in their life and have grown beyond the WAS.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I don't get it! Everyone around me is telling me my WAH will regret it. Big time! Why does it have to take 2-5 years? I have started the detachment....no rings, taken down all pics of him (including wedding). Scary but reality I guess
W (me)-35, H-35 M-11 T-18 S-9, D-7,S-5 Bomb and WAH-10/31/09 He filed D 11/09 He filed for Cust 12/09
(I'm crossposting to your thread so we can stop hijacking this one...)
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
GIMA, you asked over on C-Bart's thread whether I had an L and isn't that what he's for.
I'm seeing him on Wednesday. Today, on the phone he warned me that for me to get joint physical custody, W has to agree to it. If she doesn't, judges in my county won't order it. They'll pick one parent or the other for a "home base" and the other gets visitation. He said usually the W wins in that case.
So it sounds like I have to talk to W about it outside of attorneys.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
different face on the 'source of their discontent'. That is typically when they start to realize that they are their own source of misery. It sets in that they tore apart a family because of their own selfishness and then they start to regret it.
Yep, that says it all. Love is a choice. A happy marriage is a choice. The WAS blames the LBS for the problem when they need to look in the mirror.
My W went to one counseling session with me and had her a$$ handed to her. She didn't believe what he was telling her. She refuses to go back.Too bad.
Hope you had a good day GIMA!
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
