Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[chatterbug]

Thanks newmama. I was confused and had to ask the question.

As your posts have been conflicting.

Good month to be born.

[newmama]

Oops I realized I used the wrong saying...not what goes down must come up! That goes against the law of physics! Am a little sleep deprived. Once you hit rock bottom the only way out is UP!

And sorry if my posts are conflicting...but I guess it reflects my true state of mind! :-) Honestly, I really am focusing on being mysterious and GALing for the next month. So, I will be going out, and playing my wii as new GAL, and continue to clean, exercise and cook new dishes. As for being mysterious/distant, I will be accountable by documenting my actions here on DB forum! Like tomorrow, WH will come over 11-4. I plan to be gone or busy for at least 4/5 hours! Exercise, getting ready and grocery shopping usually take up 3 hours. I can be distant by doing chores around the house without talking to WH.

Well, I just added another event to my schedule! There is a get together at a country-western bar (not my thing usually) with the single parents group. My SIL can babysit again. I'm not sure if I need to let WH know that she is, since it will be Saturday night and that is not his usual visiting schedule. Going out again is part of GAL. If he doesn't know I am going out then how will he know I am being mysterious? How do I handle this?

[Day by Day]

Going out again is part of GAL. If he doesn't know I am going out then how will he know I am being mysterious? How do I handle this?

You are going out for yourself and not for him to notice that. He will find out by your attitude or maybe someone he knows might mention it to him... either way, it won't be a true GAL if you are doing it for him to notice instead of for yourself! You'll be mysterious by not mentioning it and he'll notice a change in your attitude. You'll have confidence from seeing how other men react to you, happiness from having fun, joy from feeling in control of your life.

You are doing great with your plans! Keep it up!!

[wifeleft2009]

Going out again is part of GAL. If he doesn't know I am going out then how will he know I am being mysterious? How do I handle this?

You are going out for yourself and not for him to notice that. He will find out by your attitude or maybe someone he knows might mention it to him... either way, it won't be a true GAL if you are doing it for him to notice instead of for yourself! You'll be mysterious by not mentioning it and he'll notice a change in your attitude. You'll have confidence from seeing how other men react to you, happiness from having fun, joy from feeling in control of your life.

You are doing great with your plans! Keep it up!!

I know this is hard to get through, I keep thinking things like you do too but the advice written her is right!
first SIL does not need to even know just where you are going but, if you told her thats all anyone else needs to know..

you dont need to be overly secretive (that wont look good) just carry on with GALing if she asks I would mention just as much info as she needs to know with out a step by step play.

[newmama]

Thanks DBD and WL! I will follow your advice and not tell SIL, just say I went to a get together and had fun! She may not even press for details.

So far today I have only interacted with WH for about 10 minutes...just finished working out!

[newmama]

I managed to only communicate with WH for 30 minutes top out of 5 hours! Yippee!
There is a belly dancing class available on Thurs nights so I will be joining it. WH knows my Thurs nights are my "late night" so I don't even need to let him know what I'll be doing.

Another GAL addition, and I'll be coming home all sweaty, heh heh!

[ravenly1974]

Oh that is so awesome Newmama! Please post lots of details! I am soooo addicted to your updates! P17, Cutter and others give such great advice, it helps me learn, too! Thanks for this thread!

[newmama]

Ravenly, S is sleeping so I can share details about WH today...
He arrived a little early. I hid my wii before he got here!
I quickly got to work at working out. Before I left for the store, I checked on S. WH had set up a good tummy time activity and I complimented him on it. I held S for a few minutes. WH said "oh no, now S will smell all perfumy!" He was teasing.


OK this is not distant or mysterious behavior, BUT
WH also brought up the hamburger place he was telling me about a couple of weeks ago. He said it sounded really good today and maybe we all need to take a road trip. I told him that unfortunately I just ate, but maybe we could check it out on Wed (his day off). He lit up and said that sounded good. Then he went on to ask how we will take S; use the portable highchair or just hold him?

He also did some small things for me again...I did not ask and couldn't predict them! One was breaking down the portable packnplay that was in my room. I'm not using it anymore. He said he didn't know if I would be using it but he could always set it up again if I needed it! Now I am half convinced he will ask to use it to take S one night overnight each week. I expect him to bring that issue up any time but I will just calmly say "ok. Fri nights sound okay?" (Fri night=I can at least go out and he has been taking him Sat mornings anyway)

I saw him look at my body a few times throughout the day...I am down 38 pounds so far so I guess he can tell!

Despite the conversation I described, seriously it only added up to maybe 30 minutes!

I plan to think of interesting topics to discuss and some q's to ask while we eat lunch on Wed. One thing I know for sure is that OW is not that great at conversing. Sure, he is more interested in sex right now but I did woo him at one point and conversing was something I did well. Now even though we are going to lunch, it will take up 60 minutes top out of a7-8 hour visit so I promise to be busy the rest of the time!!

[chatterbug]

careful newmama. careful. Take it slowly and do not over analyze anything. Keep that as-if attitude going. Toss in a crumb everyonce in awhile. But do not accept crumbs.

I say this for you girl.

But keep it going. Sounds like your picnic may have a guest drop by for a few minutes.

[newmama]

Thank you, Cutter! I honestly am not reading into the hamburger outing as anything other than lunch and will just be sure to be a fun companion is all! Seriously, there have been too many little surprises that I have read into and nothing has happened. So I am honestly not making anymore expectations and will do as DB coach says which is to take the event at face value: lunch at a place with WH. Enjoy myself and that is all there is to think of it! (well, making a good impression)

Tonight...I will be making a new Mexican dinner with tomatillos. It should take 45 minutes to make, so I will start it after I work out, then clean up right away after eating. Then I will only have to be with WH for maybe 20-30 minutes out of 2.5 hours.

I tried to figure out a way to reduce the contact time to 10 minutes but ran into a problem eating first then working out--got a stomach ache and I was still exercising when S was trying to go to sleep.

I can at least be busy on the internet or something while he is here. And 20-30 minutes of contact isn't that bad I don't think. My goal is to be distant and mysterious. I repeat this to myself when he's here and it helps me stick to it!!