Who says it has to be a custody battle? Are you thinking about full custody? Unless she objects you can make your custody and visitation the same as what you have now. So unless you think that by you filing for D will piss her off and push her to try and take your girls, then I don't see what you have to worry about.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
The whole thought process of the custody battle was to try and protect my girls from having men brought in and out of their lives. Not a very stable way to grow up. Plus they don't need to be part of their married mom portraying this kind of behavior to them and involving them. Yes, I was looking at full custody. She wouldn't get pissed if I filed for D. But she would if I pursue full custody. That is when it would turn nasty by her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
But that is not in the plans. Obviously there is a bigger picture to this. At some point, a greater good will arise out of this.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
The whole thought process of the custody battle was to try and protect my girls from having men brought in and out of their lives. Not a very stable way to grow up. Plus they don't need to be part of their married mom portraying this kind of behavior to them and involving them. Yes, I was looking at full custody. She wouldn't get pissed if I filed for D. But she would if I pursue full custody. That is when it would turn nasty by her.
Kevin
Unless Texas laws are different than California laws there isn't much you can do about the men coming in and out of her life unless they are drug dealers or hurting the kids. The courts couldn't care less about infidelity or other relationships...sad but true.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I know. Truly sad the state of the moral system in this country today. Judges want to be called "Your Honor" yet don't give us a reason to honor them with their decisions.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I'm tired today. I am having to adjust back to schedule with the kids this week and my bosses being in town this week. I did apply for a job last night. I will try and apply for more tonight.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Ultimately, I just want to DB the heck out of this and eventually win my W back and my family back. That is what would be best for all of us in the end.
This will never happen. Take this off your goal list. Until you do, you will continue to be stuck in this rut.
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Should I let the C know ahead of time that W has chosen to introduce the girls to her male "friend" 2 days in a row so she can decide whether or not to adress it with the girls or W?
Again, you are attempting to exert control here where you have none. STOP IT! Stop trying to manipulate and control what your STBXW is doing!
If you have your own C, and setup your own C with your kids, then you can bring this up with them, not by inserting yourself into what you STBXW is doing.
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The whole thought process of the custody battle was to try and protect my girls from having men brought in and out of their lives. Not a very stable way to grow up. Plus they don't need to be part of their married mom portraying this kind of behavior to them and involving them. Yes, I was looking at full custody. She wouldn't get pissed if I filed for D. But she would if I pursue full custody. That is when it would turn nasty by her.
Again, stop reacting to what your STBXW is doing, and trying to control this. You have no control over what your STBXW does, and whom she brings into her kids life, or hers, and you are not 'protecting' your kids by trying to exert control over this.
This is one of the key reasons why you are going to be getting D to begin with, as I can see the pattern you have of trying to control things in this fashion.
Don't tell me you don't see this, or that you don't understand why people think this way about you, because I do understand it, as I lived it in myself for years as well.
Go read "No More Mr. Nice guy" and "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and really look at yourself in context of this, until you understand it. DB should not even be in your vocabulary until you do, and work on yourself.
Sorry for the 2x4, Kevin, I am, and I wished you would just stop and work on this, and not focus on your STBXW.
You need to see it, understand it, and really work on this in yourself before you can make much further progress.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
You can politely ask your W not to introduce the girls to other men. It is very fair for you to want to protect your girls. As you know, you can't make her, but I don't think a polite request is out of line. She may not like it or even agree not to do it, but you can ask.
Bring it to the attention of the C, so she knows. If the girls want to discuss it they will.
I last posted on page 10 and you are on pg 53! I don't have time to catch up. I just ask that you not post every single little thing. Sometimes you just have to be in the moment, bud.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I am not trying to control W. I was trying to think about how I can protect my girls from this. It has nothing to do with controlling her or her choices. I have no say in what she decides to do with her life. I don't try to have a say in it. But I do try and watch out for my girls and what they may be thrown into and if there is any way I can prevent them being affected by it. As a parent, that is my job.
As far as talking to the C. Again this is not about control so much as what do I do now about what my W has chosen to involve my girls in and how to best aleviate further incidents/unwise choices/etc involving my kids.
You may not understand this or agree with this and that is fine. But I will be watching out for my kids and exploring where I need to to best protect them from this mess any way I can.
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This will never happen. Take this off your goal list. Until you do, you will continue to be stuck in this rut.
You just issued me a straight challenge. I intend to post this on my wall as motivation. I will learn and I will succeed. And it will have nothing to do with trying to control or manipulate my W. I will not stop looking out for what is in the best interest of my kids. It doesn't matter whether W agrees or you agree or anyone else agrees. What matters is that I will take whatever precautions I can to protect my kids against this mess regardless of someone else's opinions. I won't budge on doing whatever I can to protect them. I will certainly seek advice on how best to approach it, but I will not stop looking out for their best interests.
I appreciate what you are trying to say, but I don't necessarily see eye to eye with your latest post today. I fail to see how looking into options to protect my kids from a huge mess is me backsliding. If I didn't care what was thrown their way and try to prevent more damage being done to them, I wouldn't be acting as a true parent to them.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/04/1004:20 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
