Well Mindfull. I think that I do not answer to her anymore. Once she decided to have an open marriage. I closed the door.
Originally Posted By: P17
Originally Posted By: cutterbug
What am I going to do about it. Nothing. I do not see any reason to meet with her to discuss several loose ends. Do you?
What are the loose ends? Why do YOU think you don't need to meet with her? Are you not cutting your nose off to spite your face? Do you see this as a test?
We have two loose ends. 1 sign seperation papers. Which are at the IM's house. All she needs to do is go over there and sign them. Then selling of the house starts on April 1st. And the second one is transfer retirement savings. Which require her to send me a piece of paper. Then I transfer them. Thats it. No other loose ends.
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I think I will contact IM and meet up with him to verify that the seperation papers are still the latest one. Verify that I have signed them.
I'm not sure I understand. If you have already signed separation papers then what is there to discuss about them? Nothing to discuss between you and I Nor between ladybug and I But hey maybe she does not remember the conversations and writting them out and saying that the IM would be the keyholder of these papers. Perhaps it was a foggy day that day.
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As always. I am open to suggestions or paths that I have not noticed.
Did you make it clear to Ladybug at the beginning that you would have no contact with her while the A was going on?
Yes in my Plan B letter. I stated. All contact is via IM. Unless she has ended all contact with OM and wishes to talk about our R. Or its life and death.
Originally Posted By: newmama
Cutter, did you make those horoscopes up? Amazing if you did not! They rarely line up with actual events!
You are very strong to continue on your NC. I do have a q though.. aren't the conditions for contact from the WAS are to discuss either ending the R or reconciling? Just clarifying here, but how will you know if she wants to do either of those? I mean does the IM check with her?
I answered that one up there. But if its D. She just has file a year from Sept 15th. I get it in the mail sign it and thats that. If she wants to reconcil then she will let me know. Its my choice on what to do then.
BTW I don't know the rules for your area but if the separation agreement has been signed, then is there anything else to do--is there a designated length of time that the SA is good for? Do you have to be separated a certain length of time before divorce?
If she is in the A, her thinking is cloudy and as you know, it is worthless to talk to her! she no sense makes!
I agree 100% worthless to talk to her
Originally Posted By: Wholeagain
Is IM some kind of lawyer?
IM is a mutual friend who is friends to both of us. He contacts neither. We must contact him.
Originally Posted By: Wholeagain
Where did you get those horoscopes? I'd like to get mine too.
Ahh the game. One you can control or one you react in. I have decided that I am in control. I decided this on Sept. 17th 2009 One plans for reactions. So I am prepaired.
The battle starts. Good luck. I know either way you will be okay.
My worry is the first test. That is the most important one and the one that will decide the tone for the rest of the battle. If you show any weakpoints she will exploit them (human nature) if you don't show any she will continue to probe your defences until she decides you have none and then either give up or launch an all out attack.
I think you have her beat before she starts, especially with her family on-side.
Mine too my friend. First test seems the hardest... But nothing will be as hard as D-Day.
But always remember.
She has the choice to live the rest of her life bitter at me for her failures and mistakes. Or come to terms with that and make ammends with herself.
Her choice.
I cannot save her.
And always remember. If things are going great. WAS's eyes thoughts actions do not point in your direction. Cause who needs LBS when life is perfect.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
1. There is nothing to talk to her about. You appear to have no loose ends that she cannot close on her own (retirement savings and separation papers). Talking to her serves you no purpose and obviously serves her a purpose (otherwise she wouldn't be asking). That in itself is a reason not to.
2. This is all about control - of you, of the house or the sitch. Whatever. It's about control for her. Another reason not to indulge her in it.
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And always remember. If things are going great. WAS's eyes thoughts actions do not point in your direction. Cause who needs LBS when life is perfect.
I however have the added guilt of a D so I cannot tell if it's me she is interested in or D. That possibly didn't sound right but I hope you know what I mean!
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But nothing will be as hard as D-Day.
Indeed. That is the one I am dreading emotionally.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Cutter I am waiting for you to answer our qs! One thing I do know...ladybug is just pulling out all the stops to get your attention. But her family has YOUR back, you informed your friends, so this is all going to go your way! She will get mad and erupt in some form, but she will be missing you even more because you are not communicating with her! She is in the chasing mode, even if she is not chasing for reconciliation purposes (YET). Just chasing.
I expect that she will drop by one day.
Chasing...
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
A song to end the year. For those who shine the light once in awhile
The xx- Shelter
I find shelter, in this way Under cover, hide away Can you hear, when I say? I have never felt this way
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong Can I make it better, with the lights turned on Maybe I had said, something that was wrong Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Could I be, was I there? It felt so crystal in the air I still want to drown, whenever you leave Please teach me gently, how to breathe
And I'll cross oceans, like never before So you can feel the way I feel it too And I'll mirror images back at you So you can see the way I feel it too
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong Can I make it better, with the lights turned on Maybe I had said, something that was wrong Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Well. I found newyears very hard. Being at that party with everyone who I bring every newyears in and it was short one person from our gang. At 3am when it was all winding down. I said Stupid B**ch and it was caught by a good friend so we ended up talking about her for an hour. Disappointment. The whole wedding party hanging out except for the maid of honour.
Other fronts I get an email from my IM.
Goes like this
Ladybug is odd
Your ex chased me down to find out about you. I hold her I hadn't heard from you in 3 weeks. Then she told you were ok as you spent time with your niece and nephew.
She is a messed up camper.
So I replied back asking what did she want ?
So that is good. Took 3 months of training but lets see if she goes through the IM again...
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Was going to reply to you here but when I had finished I realised that all I was talking about was my sitch. That's better on my thread!
I know how you feel. You started the year with her but didn't end it with her. Now you are starting a new year without her. I do feel for you and for everybody else who is doing this. I had no idea for a MINUTE that it would actually be this hard on this one day.
On the other front. Ladybug is chasing. Early days but it's something.
Take care.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Happiness hit her like a train on a track Coming towards her stuck still no turning back She hid around corners and she hid under beds She killed it with kisses and from it she fled With every bubble she sank with her drink And washed it away down the kitchen sink
The dog days are over The dog days are done The horses are coming So you better run
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers Leave all your loving, your loving behind You cant carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'Cause here they come
And i never wanted anything from you Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that
The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'Cause here they come
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers Leave all your loving, your loving behind You cant carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'Cause here they come
The dog days are over The dog days are done The horses are coming So you better run
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Nor between ladybug and I 