W just came over to pick up the kids. After the kids ran out to the car I told my W our son said something to me that concerns me and that we need to talk about it. She asked what it was. I said I can't talk about it now. She insisted I tell her at least what it was about so she could prepare to talk. I told her that our son was worried that we were going to court.
She said "Here's what happened. <Son> listened in on the upstairs phone on a conversation I had with <her friend>. It was the same day as our mediation, and I was very angry with you. He heard everything I said. I did damage control the best I could. I reassured him we're not going to court. That's really all I have to say about it." Then she said with an angry defiant tone "I've made sure the kids know we don't love each other any more" and she walked away and got in her car.
A few minutes later I called her cell phone and said "You can tell the kids how you feel about things, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak for me." She actually sounded sorry and said "I realized after I left how that sounded. I didn't speak for you. I only told them my side of things. You absolutely should tell them your side if you want." She sounded so much softer, and there was a pause while she lingered on the phone. I got the impression she was waiting for me to say something else. I just said "Ok thanks, Goodbye." She said goodbye and we hung up.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little when she said we didn't love each other anymore, but I guess that's why she said it.
"Then she said with an angry defiant tone "I've made sure the kids know we don't love each other any more" and she walked away and got in her car."
If she was indifferent I would be worried, if she didn't care I would be worried, but someone who says that in anger still cares, love & hate aren't opposite emotions, they're actually polar extremes of the same feeling (I read that somewhere don't quote me), love/hate and indifference are opposites. Indifference meaning I don't care enough to feel love or hate about you.
You did right about telling her not to speak for you, no one should speak for you except for you.
If she was indifferent I would be worried, if she didn't care I would be worried, but someone who says that in anger still cares, love & hate aren't opposite emotions, they're actually polar extremes of the same feeling (I read that somewhere don't quote me), love/hate and indifference are opposites. Indifference meaning I don't care enough to feel love or hate about you.
Hmmm... She did try to say it as plainly as possible, but like I said, it did have a bit of a "zing" to it, like she was trying to hurt me. There was no other reason to say it, and certainly not like that.
I agree 100% that love and hate are extremes of the same feeling.
You should check out Yamaki. Its the best guitar no ones ever heard of... if you can still find them! Seriously, even the little ones have a very rich sound.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I hadn't heard of Yamaki either, so I checked them out on the web too. Wow, two guitar brands I've never heard of in two days. I thought I was a guitar buff, I guess not!
Sounds like these Yamaki's have quite a following, due to their great sound. Not sure when they stopped being made, apparently quite a while ago, but people who have Yamaki's swear by them. Interesting.
Here's the situation. I have the kids over New Year's. We were all invited to a big overnight party, and were looking forward to going. Unfortunately my youngest daughter came down with something and can't go. My W offered to keep her tonight so I can take the other kids to the party. It was more selfish than generous, as she was sad about the thought of spending New Year's without any of her kids. She was planning on going to a friend's party, but she said she'd bag that and stay home with our daughter. As usual, it was slightly manipulative, as she wanted me to feel like she was the more giving parent, sacrificing for our daughter. I considered taking all three kids tonight, not going to the party, and having a fun night with just us at my house, but in the end I thought NO WAY! If my W wants to offer to take our sick daughter tonight, that's fine, I will go with our other two kids to the party and have a blast. If she wants to think that makes her the better parent, let her.
I picked up my two older kids a while ago, and in standard futureunknown nice guy fashion, I made a gesture of good will by giving my W a bottle of champagne and saying "Happy New Year!" I made nothing more of it, and immediately started getting the kids ready to go. She said "H, thank you!" Then she playfully said "This is my babysitting fee!"
Why do I do these things? Who knows, but it felt good to do. It has no bearing on my stance regarding our marriage, and I don't feel it in any way implied I was "backing down". She'll know that in a few days when I start sending more information to get our legal separation formalized.
The kids and I will be leaving for the party in a few minutes. Should be a great time.
I'm with you. I sent W a text at 5 p.m. telling her to say Happy New Year to the girls for me. No response. Deep down I was hoping for something similar to Christmas when she surprised me by inviting me over.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
