She lives in the family home and you live in an apartment?
Yes.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If you love your W so much why not offer her the same thing you would offer your daughter as per your post above... "she is making the best possible decision as she sees fit for her future". Your W has done the SAME thing, you just don't like it.
It is not like I am stopping her CG. I may not like it, but there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I am just trying to be the best possible I can be for her and if it changes nothing, then it changes nothing. She will still make her own decisions regardless of how good or how bad I am. I disagree on the point that this is what is best for her and our kids for reasons I am not going to repeat. But she thinks otherwise and is entitled to her opinion and her own decisions. Just because I have not been the one to file doesn't mean I am standing in her way. She can file anytime she wants and move on all together. I am not stopping her. I am against it, but I am not stopping her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Because she was going to legally have me forced out of the house. Her parents own it and they were going to have me evicted if she wanted me out. The judge usually always sides with the person whose parents own the house when renting. I didn't really have an option there.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 12/29/0905:32 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Sure you had an option, you just chose not to take it.
Just so I am clear basically you will just wait until the process server shows up at your door and until then you will continue to do the same things?
This is NOT about who files for a divorce. This is about YOU and setting boundaries for you. What does your C have to say about boundaries? Have you and her come up with a plan/goals on how to overcome your fear of setting boundaries for you? If not, why not?
Sure you had an option, you just chose not to take it.
Ok, I am not sure what other option I had other than to leave instead of being legally forced out and making the situation worse.
Quote:
Just so I am clear basically you will just wait until the process server shows up at your door and until then you will continue to do the same things?
I will wait until she files. As far as do the same things, no. I do occasionally try different things and sometimes they get different reactions.
Quote:
This is NOT about who files for a divorce. This is about YOU and setting boundaries for you. What does your C have to say about boundaries? Have you and her come up with a plan/goals on how to overcome your fear of setting boundaries for you? If not, why not?
We haven't approached this subject. I guess I will bring that up in our next session.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
"Usually" decides? How did you determine that? A lawyer?
Yes, I went and spoke with a L in person and I was told that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am pretty sure 25 could probably back that one up as I am sure it doesn't really vary from state to state on that one.
But I could be wrong.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
What do you do in counseling? If your counselor is not helping you learn how to find solutions then you need to find a new counselor. One can spend a lifetime in C'ing rehashing and talking about feelings and still be stuck because no goals are being created to find solutions to improve your life.
And yes, you did have other options regarding the family home but you were afraid to exercise them as you feared it would make things worse. You let fear stand in the way of possibly staying in the family home. The result? You live in an apartment.
Did you and your W have a clause in the lease to the house you were renting that states if she wants you out then you must leave? If you wanted to fight to keep your family in tact then why not take the gamble and present your case to a judge. If you were denied at least it was the LAW dictating your housing status and not your W. If you would do *anything* to keep your family in tact then it seems to me you would have tried every possible long shot to remain in the family home that neither you or your W own. As far as I know a landlord cannot evict one party due to a change in marital status. But you didn't. Because you feared it would make things worse.
