There are no emotions involved when it comes to business or work. It is strictly business. If they can't offer what I need, I am looking else where. The same applies to them.
Kevin
You know you would be more successful in your current situation if you applied that mindset to your wife.
It's counter-intuitive to what you think should work but then again most of this is.
Example: You stated how you dread the monthly bill talk with your W (who you have not lived with for over a year and is sleeping with other men) yet you where given multiple suggestions on how to change that. You chose not to set a financial boundary and instead you chose dread each month. Do you feel that is healthy? IOW you would rather be uncomfortable, nervous and on edge each month than set ONE boundary that could last a lifetime and remove the monthly dread?
I am still thinking over the final split of the accounts. That did not get knocked to the side.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You know you would be more successful in your current situation if you applied that mindset to your wife.
It's counter-intuitive to what you think should work but then again most of this is.
I realized this after I posted it.
Quote:
If you can find a better job then why don't you and why did you even consider PAYING somebody else 5700.00 to help you gain a better position?
Using similar logic - your W is not giving you what you need so why not find a better W?
Because none of this is about finding a better W for me.
Of course I could walk out on her and get on the dating sites and find someone else. That isn't what this is about. Setting effective boundaries yes. Ditching her and going off with someone else, no.
The $5,700 I thought about briefly and then decided that is not a smart move. I won't be doing that. There are plenty of other agencies that get paid by the companies that I can utilize.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
So you have been mulling over for at least TWO WEEKS taking care of your own finances like any other single grown man with children would do?
Because I am also thinking over the impact it might have.
Quote:
Unless you are loaded with a complicated asset portfolio it seems to me separating finances would be a very simple task.
Can you help us understand why you choose to make everything so complicated? And don't make it about your W or your children.
Well then I can't answer that. It is obviously related to the impact it could have between me and W. Separating the accounts is a simple move. The impact it might have between me and W is what I am pondering over.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Ever heard the old saw about "if you love something set it free?"
Yes, I always thought that was the most ridiculous line I ever heard growing up.
I love you so, tah tah.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You have an answer for everything on the surface but you fail to see the root issue that barricades every aspect of your life.
If we can see it (strangers) and clearly your W sees it why can't you?
Again, setting boundaries is not about "ditching" anybody, finding somebody else, being mean or defending your stance. Until you really understand that AND implement the mindset I am not sure anything will ever change for YOU as a man.
