And, the only Christmas victory you should be focused on is you were able to take the first steps to improve the R with the people that are your children's grandparents.
Lastly, why are you so wiling to take multiple gambles on your W but you refuse to take ANY for YOU? It is baffling to me as you can't control your W but you can control you therefore anything you do to set boundaries would not be a gamble for YOU as YOU can control HOW you set and enforce them.
Her sleeping with other men as she pleases then coming over to play "happy family" because it is a holiday AND asking you to hold her while she shivers *should* be unacceptable to you.
That it should.
I need to pick up a pack of protective covers so next time I can offer her true warmth in the bedroom if she is that cold.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If you know it should be unacceptable to you then why isn't it?
I assume you mean condoms when you say "protective covers"? And you want to OFFER her sex? No. You tell her that is she wants to be warmed up you need get something out of it too.. then wink and walk away.
Work on boundaries as a man before you work on the flirty stuff. BASICS. Setting boundaries shows her you will no longer tolerate being treated without respect. After you have established and enforced those boundaries then be flirty, fun, strong, mysterious and let her wonder what she is missing out on due to her domineering and crappy behavior. And honestly, once you do that with your W I bet your girls will stop pitching fits as they will also get the message that bad behavior will not be accepted as a means to get their way.
Lastly, why are you so wiling to take multiple gambles on your W but you refuse to take ANY for YOU? It is baffling to me as you can't control your W but you can control you therefore anything you do to set boundaries would not be a gamble for YOU as YOU can control HOW you set and enforce them.
Setting boundaries is a gamble for myself. I had a goal in mind this weekend that succeeded with W's family, but failed to move W at least from the visual point.
Isn't going after a new career and trying to launch a business a gamble for me? I know. You are referring to my boundaries or lack there of. My boudaries seem to come and go. They are inconsistant. Therefore they are not effective.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Her sleeping with other men as she pleases then coming over to play "happy family" because it is a holiday AND asking you to hold her while she shivers *should* be unacceptable to you.
That it should.
I need to pick up a pack of protective covers so next time I can offer her true warmth in the bedroom if she is that cold.
Kevin
Take a Break,
when you can come back with a more serious and determined attitude we will think about your situation again.
Until then, Read what you wrote and think about what it would really symbolize if that did occur. THINK.
If you know it should be unacceptable to you then why isn't it?
I think I was just caught off guard like the deer in the headlights when she did that. Again, I am not as quick and witty as some of you. Definitely continued room for improvement there.
Quote:
I assume you mean condoms when you say "protective covers"? And you want to OFFER her sex? No. You tell her that is she wants to be warmed up you need get something out of it too.. then wink and walk away.
Yes, I meant condoms. I was trying to add that something needs to be in it for me to. But again, you deliver much better than I could think to do on my feet.
Quote:
Work on boundaries as a man before you work on the flirty stuff. BASICS. Setting boundaries shows her you will no longer tolerate being treated without respect. After you have established and enforced those boundaries then be flirty, fun, strong, mysterious and let her wonder what she is missing out on due to her domineering and crappy behavior. And honestly, once you do that with your W I bet your girls will stop pitching fits as they will also get the message that bad behavior will not be accepted as a means to get their way.
"The magic of making up" actually does a really good piece on how to treat bad behavior from your S. I am going to study up on that again. It uses great psychology and I see where it works and gets the results one needs to turn situations back around.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
when you can come back with a more serious and determined attitude we will think about your situation again.
Until then, Read what you wrote and think about what it would really symbolize if that did occur. THINK.
I was actually trying to think like you SM on that. Man I have work to do on my deliveries.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If you don't know how to set personal boundaries how on EARTH will you ever succeed at running a business? How will you ever climb the corporate latter if you are unsure how to set boundaries? How will you be a good father if you don't know how to set boundaries?
Personal boundaries are a very important part of the foundation to *any* healthy R... be it a friendship, parent/child, marriage or professional situation.
Why do you think corporations spend the time and money they do educating their employees about sexual harassment? Because sexually harassing people in the workplace is an unacceptable BOUNDARY to cross and some people need to be told in a very clear way what is and what is not acceptable.
Don't you want to be the kind of man that knows how to set boundaries that are healthy for all parts of your life? If you are unable to set boundaries why *would* a company take a gamble on YOU and pay you the big bucks? Why would anybody want to go in to business with you or hire your business if you don't know how to set boundaries? What happens when you complete a job as a self employed person and the client doesn't pay you? Will you just be "nice" and hope your kindness helps them realize they must pay you? I doubt it.
Don't you want to be the kind of man that knows how to set boundaries that are healthy for all parts of your life? If you are unable to set boundaries why *would* a company take a gamble on YOU and pay you the big bucks? Why would anybody want to go in to business with you or hire your business if you don't know how to set boundaries? What happens when you complete a job as a self employed person and the client doesn't pay you? Will you just be "nice" and hope your kindness helps them realize they must pay you? I doubt it.
Things are different when money is involved. No, I wouldn't just let that go. If we provide a service that was agreed upon, payment is due and is non-negotiable. I also do set boundaries at work when I am given the authority to do so such as prioritizing and what is unrealistic and I make suggestions based off of that. I don't usually have the final say in that, but I do make my case when it is needed.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
