Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Thank you, WL for the positive thinking. I just figured I would have bigger clues or a conversation from him to discuss our future if he wants to R.

Cutter, yes, YOU ARE PSYCHIC! haha I am thinking of cutting him off. I just will need to really figure out pros and cons and logistics and would love the support and advice from the forum to help me. I'll write more explanation later.

He came back from his mom's with some gifts for me from my MIL and SIL. It was very nice! I did kind of kick him out the door when he was on his way, saying I needed to get going with mopping and couldn't do it when they were here. I was also preserving my emotions and knew I would crack if he was there one fing minute longer!!

I was calm and pleasant when they returned, though.

[Day by Day]

Excellent... so good you knew how to preserve your emotions and not crack! Taking back some control.

I agree with cutter about having him live the life he is pretending to live. He wants it so badly, then have a taste of the real thing. See if it's REALLY as great as he thinks.

{{{newmama}}} You have been doing so great!!

[newmama]

I am not ready to do plan B/ going dark (as I can) yet. So I am continuing the same for now... Reason being? He is still in the A, but he hasn't brought up divorce. So my current plan is working to "stall" the divorce. Sure, you could argue "he'll do this forever!" but come on--that is ridiculous! NO he won't! Either I will do something different to rock the boat, or OW will crack before me. The weird thing is now it has been about a year since I was ahem, er "intimate between the sheets" with him. I worry that he will forget that he once found me irresistible. I guess I need to flirt to help that out.

My friend came to visit during the day. We had a good visit, ordered Chinese food for delivery, caught up on gossip, current events and played with my son.

WH came over after work and I stayed cheerful (but I was pissed off inside!) and brought up current events (it was helpful to have caught up with my friend so it was fresh on my mind). We conversed and this is a good thing because I am trying to find other things to talk about with him as well as just our son. I also managed to ask q's about him that I didn't know. Then I worked out, made dinner, and we watched TV. He stayed for the extra 20 minutes after S was asleep to "make sure" he was sleeping deeply.

I have managed to get compliments from him now for cooking and cleaning, so my next goal is to hear him compliment me on my appearance. That would be a "lover" kind of compliment versus "wifely" or "mother." I've lost 38 pounds so far! He must see it.

About the flirting...I feel weird and uncomfortable doing it because it is the one thing I'm not giving him...no affection or sex. Not while he is with another woman.

Tomorrow my aunt and cousins are visiting and then tomorrow night I'll be going out with teacher friends for drinks.

[newmama]

oh-my friend knows about the divorcebusting plan. She suggested I get a wii to do wii fit plus as well as play some fun Mario Brothers games (we grew up with Nintendo) and then it shows WH that I am willing and able to play video games; ones that I genuinely like so I'm being genuine. It's an idea...

[chatterbug]

Hi newmama. Keep on your plan A until you cannot do it anymore. But watch resentment. For it will build. Either you will know it or it will just jump out. And I asked you a question on my thread. Please reply.

But lets discuss Plan A and how to attack a giver. For I know what would hurt me. Rock the boat. So lets explore that area and see what works. And in return please explain yourself.

[newmama]

Cutter, sorry, what do you mean by explain myself? Do you mean what"rock the boat" would entail?

I don't know yet. One example is packing up his stuff, which doesn't sound like Plan A behavior. I don't want to mix Plan A with pulling back/NC because that doesn't sound like a strategy...it just sounds like being confusing. Then how would I monitor results? I'm open to suggestions!!!

[newmama]

ok I'm reviewing my steps:
-plan A(see Cutter's posts with the description)
-GAL
-being mysterious

I think that I am doing well with the top 2, but I should work on being more mysterious. I think that is a "happy medium" between NC and total plan A. This way, I get to be more distant but also be present enough for him to see my improvements. Again, he has been complimenting me and noticing them so I think based on those results, I should continue.

The other thing about the improvements and something DBD said about her WAW friend was that I need him to see they are permanent. Her WAW friend said she was skeptical at first of the 180 changes; not convinced they would last.

BTW I have these dreams where WH is touching me. One was where we were driving in the car, and he put his arm on top of mine.But last night was hilarious! I really thought it was real..I remember in the dream asking if I was dreaming. So in the dream I was wearing my pajamas from yesterday. I am standing at the kitchen counter. He comes up, brushes past me and then takes both hands and grabs my butt, squeezing it and lifting it up and down! (He actually used to do this kind of thing a lot when we were together! )Then he just walked by like nothing happened! haha! It didn't bother me, the dream just made me laugh.


What do you think about the wii idea? I truly do like mario brothers and there are some cooking games, and others. My friend loves the wii fit plus... this could show him I also like video games (something he and OW do together I think).


Cutter, "attacking a giver" sounds pretty interesting! I can think of some ideas and then bounce them off of you if you don't mind!

[P17]

What do you think about the wii idea? I truly do like mario brothers and there are some cooking games, and others. My friend loves the wii fit plus... this could show him I also like video games (something he and OW do together I think).

Computer games sound an excellent 180 for you. He likes them. You, by th4e sounds of things never did. You now do. He sees a new you and sees you both have a new common interest. This may be a tough one to convince him on though. Just don't get Call Of Duty just yet ...

Cutter, "attacking a giver" sounds pretty interesting! I can think of some ideas and then bounce them off of you if you don't mind!

I'd be interested in that too.

[newmama]

This may be a tough one to convince him on though. Just don't get Call Of Duty just yet ...

Thank you, P, for responding! I did like rock band, guitar hero, american idol, wii bowling and trivia type games, and race car games although I suck! We did get the old nintendo games to play on game cube but I WOULD ASK HIM to play and he wouldn't want to!!! WTF? Grumpy gus! I should've said "if we play this now, we could play something else after, wink wink" (or switch the order?)

But you are correct. There were games we both liked and then the type of games I didn't like, OW did. I think if I tried to play those games it would look fake and obvious that I was trying to get him back.

But the wii for working out is plausible, and getting good at some games would help me in the dating world if he and I were to D.

Here's another q...Cutter might have good insight but anyone please answer as well...should I involve him in the purchasing part of the wii? I mean let him know I am going to get one and ask for suggestions on good places to look?

[P17]

Here's another q...Cutter might have good insight but anyone please answer as well...should I involve him in the purchasing part of the wii? I mean let him know I am going to get one and ask for suggestions on good places to look?

IMO just get the WII and don't include him in any of it. It's for you not for him. Get the games you want to get for YOU and try and get him to play them (once you get good enough to challenge him).