K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

Steve,

You will have to fill me in on what your own story is someday.

CG,

I know. It was a dumb question to ask how to use it. I was standing outside with my car and cell phone. She was at home on her computer. I guess I figured she could look it up faster. It was midnight. Still, you are correct. That was dumb on my part.

Jon,

My W's contract is coming to an end. But she is interviewing for jobs that pay the same or more than what she is making now. MWD's suggestion that women suffer financially from a D does not apply with my W. My W makes far more than I do and is looking to even up that now.

I didn't know she had handled the roadside assistance. She got her new vehicle and put it on our insurance. That was fine by me as long as she was covering half of the bill. She hadn't informed me that she had done more. It wasn't me being passive about it, it was that I was not even aware of what she had done.

iwantittowork,

As funny as Steve's response was and I do love his responses sometimes, I won't dare send that to W. If I did, she would actually be all for it. It wouldn't get the same response from her as it would from other WAS's. Lets not forget that this is the woman who has told me on more than one occasion to go out and sleep with someone and she meant it. After all, she was taking her of herself in that manner.

Believe me, I want to succeed also. But if I dare say I want to succeed with my W, I will get beat over the head for it. Here is a question that a friend of mine brought up to me as I have no answer for. He said how do you start reconciling again? How do you start pursuing again when the time is right and how do you know when the time is right?

I had no answer but thought about it myself. I know how to go dark. I know how to avoid W and give her space. I know how to live without her as much as it hurts. But I don't know how to reconcile back or even know when it is appropriate to start moving towards that direction again.

I thought it was a good question even if it doesn't apply to my sitch right now.

Kevin

[K4D]

Lets practice (pretend I am your W)

Citygirl (playing the role of K's W) I want to hear more about your interview since we decided to help each other out on the job hunting front!

Think of a good answer and blow me away!

I saw a help wanted sign at hooters.

Kevin

[K4D]

Now reverse the conversation and think about her texting you for the same situation. How would you look at her? Dependent? Incapable of performing simple functions? Scatterbrained? Clueless.

Is this how you want to be perceived by someone who would like to be able to depend on you?

No. And I think I get the point about the roadside assistance now and that whole conversation.

In the past when W has had car issues, she actually called her guy friends to come help her and avoided calling me other than to let me know what happened and her and the girls were fine.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

You must put the idea to rest that you and your W are still a team. Other than co-parenting it doesn't matter that she could get the info faster - you are on your own. Embrace it and learn to love the freedom that offers you.

You contradict yourself. You agreed to HELP your W with the job hunt out of "niceness" when chances are she is pushing this and acting interested in you improving your job situation to be in the best shape possible for a divorce. So, if she wants you to date other women why not do THAT out of "niceness" to please her? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

Next time she says "we have to do this or that" tell her there is no we, you want the bills/finances split and you want off her insurance and you have decided to get your own.

Be firm about that then go back to being mysterious and act manly until you learn how to be manly.

[K4D]

I cared that my d8 would not be stranded on the road with STBXW at some point this year for a car problem. If she's out with some other dude, and that happens, that is a chance I'll take to ensure my d8 is OK while I am not around this year, and I can live with that.

That is big and mature of you. You are watching out for your D8 and putting other feelings aside for her safety. And you did let your W know it next falls on her shoulders and gave her some time to prepare and be ready to take over.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

Your response isn't bad but I still like SM's text the best!

If you do that I will create a business plan for your for FREE (and Jon, that should answer your question about what I do).

I will need proof you actually did that but if you can provide the proof I will provide the plan!

[Steve McQueen]

Take a second and ask yourself what you got out of the conversation with your wife.

BAH! forget the text conversation with your wife. its in the past, over, done with, kaput.

Ever put your parents car in the ditch as a kid? You walked away from it, right? Same difference.

Dont take my advice. but I'd make every conversation with your wife a comedy, have fun with it. entertain her maybe. then leave her hanging. entertain yourself.

best attitude you could have for 2010 is, why is this woman still hanging around. doesnt she get it yet. what can I do to push her away without being rude (cause I wouldnt mind hooking up with her friends)

but dont take my advice.

[K4D]

You must put the idea to rest that you and your W are still a team. Other than co-parenting it doesn't matter that she could get the info faster - you are on your own. Embrace it and learn to love the freedom that offers you.

I understand. Got it.

You contradict yourself. You agreed to HELP your W with the job hunt out of "niceness" when chances are she is pushing this and acting interested in you improving your job situation to be in the best shape possible for a divorce. So, if she wants you to date other women why not do THAT out of "niceness" to please her? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

I guess I don't view that as a contradiction because that is really going against something I want to do. Yes, I tried it temporarily and decided I couldn't do it. I can't compromise myself for a request that she is making to please her.

Next time she says "we have to do this or that" tell her there is no we, you want the bills/finances split and you want off her insurance and you have decided to get your own.

Be firm about that then go back to being mysterious and act manly until you learn how to be manly.

No response on my hooters reply? I guess I don't have what Steve has. But I can accept that.

Kevin

[Drew]

What she says and what she thinks have NOTHING to do with each other. And stop being SO needy!!!!! Once again, every woman on here tells you how unattractive that makes you.

[K4D]

Your response isn't bad but I still like SM's text the best!

If you do that I will create a business plan for your for FREE (and Jon, that should answer your question about what I do).

I will need proof you actually did that but if you can provide the proof I will provide the plan!

Somehow I think it would be not in my best interest long term to do that. Oh I shudder to say that because I know when 25 reads this she will come back with... How is your current plan working out for you? And she will be right. And the rest of you are right to. I have to much fear to say that though to W. The one thing I have been afraid to do is reverse on W and tell her it is over from my perspective because I know she would be in complete agreement with it and probably relieved and feel more at ease being with her other guys. I will have killed all credibility with W to continue to stand for our M. She will look at it as another sitch that I did not come through on if I reverse course. She will also be able to further justify things to our kids.

I don't see that being a good move.

Kevin