I was surprised how well Christmas went. I got the kids around 2pm on Christmas Day, and I had everything ready for them. My oldest daughter had some emotional difficulty with the transition, but after I helped her for a little while, she was fine.
The big surprise for me was that I was fine. I was so busy getting everything ready I didn't have a chance to get sad, and when the kids showed up I was excited for them to open their presents. I felt very little loss over the fact that my W wasn't here. It just felt different from Christmas's past, not necessarily worse.
I did give a small gift to my W. It was a spur of the moment thing. I was doing some extremely last minute shopping, and I got a small bag of treats for her (formerly our) dog, and I thought "Pretty bad to have a gift for the dog, but not for her", so I bought her a small box of chocolates. When she arrived with the kids, I gave her the two gifts. She had a look of shock that one was for her. I just smiled and said "One of Santa's elves must not have gotten your change of address form." She gave a little smile, and got back in her car. She is no longer coming into my house, and I no longer go into hers, which is fine with me.
Usually she waits inside the door while the kids come in, but the next day when I brought the kids back to her, she came out on the porch, absolutely dressed to KILL! She looked HOT! I made no comment about it, just said goodbye to the kids. My poor daughter was again upset and wouldn't even look at me. My W thanked me for the chocolates, I said your welcome, and I got back in my car and left. Friendly, but no special attention at all.
Today she brought the kids back over, as we are now back on our regular schedule. I had just gone running on this beautiful day, and I was sitting on my front porch playing guitar when she showed up. She came up on the porch to pick up some school pictures, and while I was giving them to her, I noticed she was absolutely doused with the perfume I like so much. I made no mention of it, gave her the pics, and said goodbye.
Don't know if she's doing those things to get my attention, or to try to break my resolve, but I'm not really playing a game anymore. I'm legitimately not interested in talking with her or showing her any attention. I finally feel empowered and in control of my own life. Great stuff!
I finally feel empowered and in control of my own life. Great stuff!
Awesome!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
The day I truly felt like I didn't care about the outcome with my H was honestly one of the best days of my life. Like you, I finally grew tired of the BS, the games, the lies, the manipulation and the cruelty.
There were many events leading up to "my day" but on that particular day nothing happened other than feeling "it".
Sometimes I wish I knew why the feelings of just not being concerned about it anymore came to me but they did. I finally felt in control of me and my own life as ME.
I almost felt as if I wanted nothing more than my H to be part of my past and I was finally ready to have MY future.
It took me a long time to get to that point but I wouldn't change that day for all the money in the world.
Santa must be empowering mid-life-crises this year Les Paul Wine Red Studio Woo Hoo.
Sweet! I've never had a Les Paul. Was always a Fender guy, but I do love that Les Paul sound through a Marshall amp. That sound is the foundation for a whole generation of rock. Whenever I've tried out a Les Paul I've been amazed how heavy they are. I guess us Fender guys are wimps!
The day I truly felt like I didn't care about the outcome with my H was honestly one of the best days of my life. Like you, I finally grew tired of the BS, the games, the lies, the manipulation and the cruelty.
There were many events leading up to "my day" but on that particular day nothing happened other than feeling "it".
Sometimes I wish I knew why the feelings of just not being concerned about it anymore came to me but they did. I finally felt in control of me and my own life as ME.
I almost felt as if I wanted nothing more than my H to be part of my past and I was finally ready to have MY future.
It took me a long time to get to that point but I wouldn't change that day for all the money in the world.
I am glad you reached that point. Happy New Year!
Thanks CityGirl. It wasn't really a day or moment for me, but kind of a progression over the last month. I've been noticing more and more how good I feel when I realize I don't have to deal with my W to make decisions. My single life continues to progress and I've had many good times now that don't include her.
I still get sad when I think about our kids, but I've accepted that some things are out of my control. I have realized that the best thing I can do for them now is to be happy, because when I'm happy, I am at my best as a father. And, I no longer feel bad about someday bringing another woman into their life as a step mother. I even feel some optimism that perhaps my son will get a brother out of the deal.
Excellent Future!! Hooray! I had a harder time because my H and I just separated physically in November and his parents came and stayed with ME and the kids--its a tradition and the kids have just had too much to deal with in the last few months (learning that there is no Santa Claus, their parents getting divorced, etc). He was over here every day, all day. It was very weird but I said that it would be alright as long as we did NOT TALK about my relationship with H or his relationship with OW, and it was alright with those rules. My in-laws just left and so did he, and now I can breath a sigh of relief.
It was a real exercise in being a grown up, especially since my H has treated me like sh*& for the past year...but its good practice for the kids. I think that we owe it to our kids to be strong and healthy and happy--and to get along, even though it might be difficult!!! Sounds like now you are doing EVERYTHING you can to be healthy and happy for YOU. And that means for THEM too (if you aren't happy, they think they have to take care of you, I think!). EXCELLENT JOB!!!!
Thanks for the encouragement. Very hard to deal with those traditions after a separation. I totally understand the situation you found yourself in. How do you see next Christmas being handled?
Quote:
I think that we owe it to our kids to be strong and healthy and happy--and to get along, even though it might be difficult!!!
Yes, we do. And, yes, it is very difficult, isn't it?!
W just came over to pick up the kids. After the kids ran out to the car I told my W our son said something to me that concerns me and that we need to talk about it. She asked what it was. I said I can't talk about it now. She insisted I tell her at least what it was about so she could prepare to talk. I told her that our son was worried that we were going to court.
She said "Here's what happened. <Son> listened in on the upstairs phone on a conversation I had with <her friend>. It was the same day as our mediation, and I was very angry with you. He heard everything I said. I did damage control the best I could. I reassured him we're not going to court. That's really all I have to say about it." Then she said with an angry defiant tone "I've made sure the kids know we don't love each other any more" and she walked away and got in her car.
A few minutes later I called her cell phone and said "You can tell the kids how you feel about things, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak for me." She actually sounded sorry and said "I realized after I left how that sounded. I didn't speak for you. I only told them my side of things. You absolutely should tell them your side if you want." She sounded so much softer, and there was a pause while she lingered on the phone. I got the impression she was waiting for me to say something else. I just said "Ok thanks, Goodbye." She said goodbye and we hung up.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little when she said we didn't love each other anymore, but I guess that's why she said it.
I think I should call my W and insist she tell me everything our son overheard so I can help do damage control. I can just imagine the spew the poor boy heard. No wonder he's been off lately.
