I hope everyone had a nice holiday, even with all the difficult circumstances this year.
I spent Christmas Eve with H and the kids at my parents, set out the kids presents with H back at the house, then went back to the apartment for the night. That hurt being away from everybody, even if it was just for the night. In the morning, D17 sent me a text wondering when I would arrive for opening presents (I guess she had thought I was spending the night there). I told I would be there shortly and hurried over. We opened presents, I cooked a roast to take to H’s family’ Christmas dinner, and we had a nice day there. S19 came back to the apt. with me last night, and it was really nice to have company.
It was definitely a wise decision not to spend the night at the house. H had put the moves on me again earlier in the week when he invited me to dinner with him and the kids (while we were killing time waiting for S19 to arrive with his gf), and I didn’t want to run that risk again.
H was sweet and bought some nice things for my apt for Christmas(for example, he got me a nice printer, a DVD player, a shoe rack and a set of bowls). Since it was so close to the holiday, he decided to wrap them up as gifts. He said he would have bought these things for me anyways, even if hadn’t been the holiday, because he wanted me to be comfortable at the apt.
One other gift that he got me was a digital camera. I thought “how nice” since I didn’t have one- H had always been the family photographer. He gets me alone later and asks if I knew the reason he got me the camera. I suggested (hopefully) on account of the kids. Nope- he wants me to take pics of myself out on dates with other guys in various sexual situations and send them to him. I felt so let down when he said that. I still don’t get that- most guys DO NOT want to share their wives or see pics of their wives giving bj’s, among other things, to other men. The men here seem rather vehement about that fact! Mine was quite happy to pass me along (and obviously still is), as long as he knew he was getting me back. That makes me sound like a library book, available for loan. Am I not valuable enough to fight for or protect? Swingers often have a holier than thou attitude towards “vanilla couples” (non-swingers), in that they love and trust each other enough to not deprive them of sexual pleasure from others. You hear a lot “it gives me pleasure to see my wife/husband receiving pleasure” Nope, can’t do it, that BS as far I’m concerned, I’m sorry if that makes me a vanilla, selfish spouse with jealousy and insecurity issues.
I don’t feel like I even know what normal is anymore. I know what’s familiar. And that’s NOT normal. Word is out in the local swinging community that H and I are separated. The wolves are coming out of the woodwork now- I am inundated with offers from men of an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and another part of their anatomy in addition. This way, it’s low effort on my end to get out and socialize, but it isn’t a good idea, I know that. Like I said, it’s what’s familiar, not normal. I mean, most people do not see sex as a recreational activity, right? There is more to me as a person than just that, but I have to find it. My reality/perceptions/whatever are skewed right now.
One other gift that he got me was a digital camera. I thought “how nice” since I didn’t have one- H had always been the family photographer. He gets me alone later and asks if I knew the reason he got me the camera. I suggested (hopefully) on account of the kids. Nope- he wants me to take pics of myself out on dates with other guys in various sexual situations and send them to him.
I would definitely return the camera: tell him "If that is the reason you gave me the camera, then it was wrong for me to accept it."
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
The wolves are coming out of the woodwork now- I am inundated with offers from men of an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and another part of their anatomy in addition.
You are right to trust your (new) instincts right now. I would stay away from everyone you know from the old lifestyle.
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
There is more to me as a person than just that, but I have to find it. My reality/perceptions/whatever are skewed right now.
But the important thing is that you realize that you have hurdles to overcome. That is an important first step.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
((((((Bunny)))))) I think he has proven that he hasn't heard a word you have said. It just helps validate that you are doing the right thing.
It sounds like you have already figured it out, but I would stay away from anyone associated with "swinging". Their thinking is similar to your H's, they are just trying to take advantage of your situation, to use you.
Stay with what is comfortable for you. And remember that sometimes doing nothing can be doing something. Just get yourself stabilized. Be a happy Bunny!
Is it OK to skip the GAL'ing for a weekend,and just have some down time? Since I left, there's been Christmas activities and what-not going on, and I feel drained. I just want to curl up in my bunny hole, pet Chester, sleep and in general just shut down for a while. I'll resume on Monday...
I have followed your sitch in amazement. Not so much in regards to the unique lifestyle chosen by your H but more with the person you are becoming. You more than anyone on this board represent the epitome of getting a life. IMHO GAL is more that a social experimentation it is getting your sh&*( together, deciding what your life is all about and doing it. If that means sitting at home for a day or weekend - go for it.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
I still don’t get that- most guys DO NOT want to share their wives or see pics of their wives giving bj’s, among other things, to other men. The men here seem rather vehement about that fact!
SB,
This...uh...this...is NOT normal. I cannot even begin to fathom even thinking this, much less actually ask my W to do this. A man simply doesn't even THINK this about the woman he loves.
I still don’t get that- most guys DO NOT want to share their wives or see pics of their wives giving bj’s, among other things, to other men. The men here seem rather vehement about that fact!
SB,
This...uh...this...is NOT normal. I cannot even begin to fathom even thinking this, much less actually ask my W to do this. A man simply doesn't even THINK this about the woman he loves.
Ditto. My stomach turns just thinking about this.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Mine actually did the first time we were with another couple several years ago. Afterwards, I was throwing up in the bathroom while H was enjoying the afterglow with the other couple in the bedroom. It gets better- when we get home, he tells me, because he feels so close to me now, that he cheated a couple times while we were having problems, but this is great and let's ML! Blech... he!!night- emotional and physical overload...
I still don’t get that- most guys DO NOT want to share their wives or see pics of their wives giving bj’s, among other things, to other men. The men here seem rather vehement about that fact! Mine was quite happy to pass me along (and obviously still is), as long as he knew he was getting me back. That makes me sound like a library book, available for loan. Am I not valuable enough to fight for or protect? Swingers often have a holier than thou attitude towards “vanilla couples” (non-swingers), in that they love and trust each other enough to not deprive them of sexual pleasure from others. You hear a lot “it gives me pleasure to see my wife/husband receiving pleasure” Nope, can’t do it, that BS as far I’m concerned, I’m sorry if that makes me a vanilla, selfish spouse with jealousy and insecurity issues.