You showed flexibility and the girls are able to use the car. Next time a compromise comes up, I'd ask for the girls to be able to use the Jeep freely when it comes to visiting you.
Why she didn't take the girls with her is an open question. But as far as I can tell your son has been the one who's been the most open, honest and caring through the ordeal and the divorce. And you reacted like a Dad. And in a screwy way, your son tried to deal with you directly when given the answer by his mom that she couldn't take him and have the girls at home at the same time. He communicated directly with you. And that's going to be the future.
Your divorcing wife will not be able to derail the Special Masters. The Special Masters will review the financial statements and give their decision. You'll each go in individually to hear it.. and either agree or disagree with what's offered. Bring someone along whose opinion you trust. Although that person will not be allowed in with you to the Special Masters, you can ask to go outside to have time to think after you hear the proposal. Discuss it with the person you trust (not necessarily Gym Woman) and then go back in to say if you agree or not. If either party disagrees or shows hesitation, the lawyers will usually put something out to sweeten the deal. They really don't want to go to trial.
Ran out of time.. accidentally hit 'Submit' rather than 'Preview'.
Hey FL..
You showed flexibility and the girls are able to use the car. Your divorcing spouse showed flexibility by limiting it to one night. Next time a need to compromise comes up, I'd ask for the girls to be able to use the Jeep freely when it comes to visiting you. Additionally it's imperative that you and their mother can set up appropriate channels of communication so that the kids don't get caught in the middle.
Why she didn't take the girls with her is an open question. But as far as I can tell your son has been the one who's been the most open, honest and caring through the ordeal and the divorce. And you reacted like a Dad. And in a screwy way, your son tried to deal with you directly when given the answer by his mom that she couldn't take him and have the girls at home at the same time. He communicated directly with you. And that's going to be the future with him.
Your divorcing wife will not be able to derail the Special Masters. The Special Masters will review the financial statements and give their decision. You'll each go in individually to hear it.. and either agree or disagree with what's offered. Bring the most unbiased person along whose opinion you trust (not necessarily your girlfriend). Although that person will not be allowed in with you to the Special Masters, you can ask to go outside to have time to think after you hear the proposal. Discuss it with the person you trust and then go back in to say if you agree or not. If either party disagrees or shows hesitation, the lawyers will usually put something out to sweeten the deal. If not, you go to trial and they really don't want to go to trial.
And FL.. it's great that you have an incredible relationship with your girlfriend. Remember that you're also going through an ordeal which involves huge emotions.. yours, your divorcing spouse's and your kids. It's hard to think clearly. This is a traumatic time for all, especially your children. Not only is their family destroyed but their parents are at each other's throats. What does that teach them about conflict resolution? Decisions you make and agree to will be with you for the rest of your life. Be there for your kids. You and your kids are a package deal.
One last thing.. Who are you more concerned about saying "Fu...it?" Your girlfriend, or you? And where does that leave the kids?
FLTC, I'm confused! You could've taken the kids but wanted to set boundaries or you had plans and therefore could not take them? If you could've but decided this was boundary setting time I'd have to question your judgement in this case. Your STBX's concerns about your girls are not fantasy, they are real and you know that. It's not outlandish in co-parenting that one helps out the other. Now, of course, she turned you down once and obviously has a onesided view of co-parenting, but you still need to do what's best for your family, not take vengeance on her for not being there when you needed it. If you did say yes you could put in a little reminder that next time it's her turn to help you out. Now, that said, if you had plans and it was unreasonable to change them then you have every right to say "sorry, no can do...but here are some suggestions". Anyway, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving despite this bump in the road. Take care.
Hope you had a smooth holiday,FLTC, but knowing how your life has been I suspect your STBXW caused some drama. Best wishes to you and I'll just send early New Year's greetings as well. I hope 2010 will be a peaceful year!
Its been a while since I was here. Mattie, yes, STBX did cause drama. She followed the "parenting plan" to a "tee", seeing the kids about 5 hours total over their ten day break, never asking for more. I origianlly agreed to this plan, but it's killing me, and I'm changing it before the trial...yes...trial......
I have gone to my attorney to make the parenting plan more equitable in the time the kids spend with each of us. She wants me to provide custodial care every school vacation so she can work; three weeks worth, which is not fair, because SHE is the custodial parent.
She also wanted me to take two sick days for every one she takes with the kids because I "get" more sick days a year than she does. (No one has ever said to me "Hey, FLTC, you only used 5 sick days this year. Go ahead and take ten days off!"
STBX was not interested in the offer of the Special Masters. All she could say was that it didn't give her enough to live on. I don't tink the court cares what she "thinks" she can live on. I will be going to trial on the 25th!
Here's typical STBX behavior. I was able to transfer my GI Bill to my kids. The VA is picking up 70% of two years each of my daughter's college! Awesome! The first payment was for $8000 to the University that my D19 goes to. STBX and I each contribute 5K a semester for this state school.
STBX now believes thatsince the VA paid 8K, we should both split the reamining 2K! Unbelievable! 9K would have come from me, 1 K from her. My attorney thinks I'll win this one, because these were benefits that I could have uses, but gave to my kids.
She basiclly wants to ensure that I'll hate her forever!
D19 was a nighmare as usual. She took her sisters debit card from my apartment nad ran up $300 on her sister's card. I told her she'd have to leave. I will not have her living with me. She is non-remorseful, non-reflective and sociopathic! I've had it with her.
STBX got served with deposition papers last night. Talk about rolling a grenade in the room. She told her attorney she "couldn't believe it happened in front of the kids"!
This should be the beginning of the end.
Is her boss crazy? He'll be on the stand in front of everyone telling that he had an affair while his wife was dying and I was in Iraq.
Who is so unreasonable that they have to go to trial? oh, yeah.....FLTC's STBXW.
