Just so you know... 2

[bluerain]

The FAFSA people have approved my application for the grant. I am eligible for the maximum grant amount, of course its still up to UAA exactly how much I will get- if any for that matter, but Im really excited about it, this next semester might (hopefully) be basically free for me!

I also applied for a bunch more jobs today, one as a cashier- lame, but I am heavily qualified in that dept, but if thats all I can get- blech, fine. Another as the manager of the big "adult novelty" store! Fun place to work Im sure, but tee-hee! I might have some trouble interacting with the customers without turning beet red.

[karen43]

Congrats on the all As, Blue!!! And the grant too! Funny job; I bet you'd have some great stories to tell after that one, or maybe not....

[bluerain]

Thanks Karen, I am on pins and needles to get the actual offer!

As far as the job goes, I guess that I just figured, why not? It cant be THAT much different from the liquor store... now that has always been an interesting place to work!

[bluerain]

Just realized a little bit ago that today is (would be) my 9th anniversary... ha!

I should have gotten my crap together sooner, it would be nice to have had him served today. Oh well, I guess his birthday is still coming up... or my birthday... happy birthday to me! hmm, thats actually a little appealing, a new start to my new life, almost appropriate, I think. Too bad, Im not really willing to wait until June.

I feel good today, I have let the significance of today go a while ago I suppose. It stopped being an important day when he stopped being worthy of designation as an important person.

[orangedog]

Just realized a little bit ago that today is (would be) my 9th anniversary... ha!

...It stopped being an important day when he stopped being worthy of designation as an important person.

Yes!!!...and you realized you are an important person.

[karen43]

Have you heard about the job yet??????

Anniversaries suck. I was hoping to be D by mine this year-we hit our 20th in 10 days. Oh well. Just another day now I guess.

I do feel like this has brought so many changes, positive changes in my life. A few negative ones for my kids so I'm not saying D is all good like our WAS try to say, but overall really good for me. If you have the right spirit, I think D can make you a stronger, better person. And you have the right spirit!

[bluerain]

No, I havent heard about any of the job(s) yet, but the fish and wildlife clerk one that I was telling you about has been reposted, no one was qualified so its being reposted. But out of 200 applicants, someone in DC chose only 3 people to interview. The people here who are actually conducting the interviews and making the decision never even saw the other 197 apps! It seems silly that instead of going throught the other apps they are going to repost it. Not having a clerk for the next field season is going to be a big problem for them, and it takes at least a month to actually get something posted, and then its usually up for at least a month, usually longer.

Another job that I had applied to a little while ago was reposted too. I guess that they should have hired me! Lol.

I agree about the changes, my life has changed in some great ways. I am certainly more positive about the coming years than I have been in a long time.

I think that not only have I become a stonger person, I think that I have learned a lot about how to be more sucessful in my next R and eventually a future M.

[undefeated]

Ok, wow!

I went back through your old threads trying to pick up your whole sitch. I won't pretend I read every post, but you are amazing. And you have certainly come a long way. Have you re-read your old stuff? I know that there is a lot of pain and hurt in there, but there's a lot more growth.

Thanks for sticking around here and giving the rest of us some hope, too. I know this hasn't ended the way you wanted originally. But you have given at least me the hope that I can come through this with a better life, even if I never make it to a better place in my marriage. I obviously haven't given up on that idea yet. But even if worse comes to worst, I can be a happier, healthier me.

[undefeated]

So I've literally spent the last three hours poring over your old threads. I stand by what I said about you being one of the most amazing people I've ever spoken with.

Sorry about the "how it ended" part. Guess I got some wires crossed. Besides, it's never really over is it? That's the whole point - divorce isn't just a door you close.

I'm also scared now too. I don't know if I have the strength of character to do what you've done for as long as you have. How? How have you made it? I've been at this three (ish) weeks and it already feels like my insane world is consuming me.

[bluerain]

Hi undefeated, thanks for stopping by my place! And thank you for saying those sweet things about me. But you know, I wouldnt have ever come as far as I have without the people and skills that I have learned here.

I know that your scared. If you werent, you would be crazy. Sometimes I am too, but where else is there to go but forward? At some point, with a lack of positive progress, you have to stop what your doing and try something different, and guess what, sometimes different is good! As far as strength of character goes- thank you. Im not sure that I think of it like that all of the time, I can name about 1000 time that I backslid and messed up, but I just had to keep going, I had to become committed to being ok- no matter what he did. You cant let his actions dictate whether you live or die.

Curling up and dying wasnt an option, and after long enough, I became soooo angry for allowing him to even put me in a position where I allowed him to make me feel like that. And even then, if you read over my old posts you know, as soon as he claimed to want to come back, I fell for it, as hard as I could.

But I still think that above all else, I took the high road, and I feel good about the choices that I made. I am proud that I fought for my marriage. He will spend a long, long time recovering from this, and I feel like I am already in that process.