Thanks everyone and yes K.. if only we had just relaxed and had some fun instead of all that angst !!! I wish I could tell teh newcomers, but of course you cant, we had to go through it right?
So he agreed the doctor was lovely and brilliant, the doc said to him "we can beat this!" and gave him a different AD and a referral to the counselling service (they will assess which type he needs).
This morning I got a little tearful.. around the time a year ago today he phoned me in the morning and admitted he was going skiing with Helen for christmas week. I asked him if he felt better or worse than a year ago... he said about the same, but he wasnt pretending or glazing over it as he was back then. It wasnt an emphatic answer, but he agreed ths feels a better situation and feels RIGHT and that didnt a year ago. Thats the best I can hope for right now! We are getting his tablets shortly then I suggested we drive to the Eden project for their Christmas fair and ice skating.
I hope things get better after he is on these tablets, I intuitively felt end Feb early March for progress (maybe trying for a baby!) and that coincides with Mars going forwards. He told me he cant have sex anymore the day Mars started going backwards! Goes forwards again March 10th, on my birthday. He had already said a few weeks ago that he would get me pregnant on my birthday. Wierd huh.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hey everyone, I'm thinking of you all over Christmas and thanks to everyone for all their help this year, wow what a difference a year makes for us all.
So he started on his ADs. He's being very loving becuase he just wants hugs and snuggles (he held me all last night whilst we wrapped presents and watched comedies) so theres definite upsides to his depression !
I was a bit firmer with him on the ML. I asked him about work, socialising.. he explained he makes himself do thins that he knows is good for him, so he makes an effort so I pointed out he said that he wanted to show me love and it was vital to our new R that we keep connecting and DO ML, so he needed to make an effort with that too instead of just saying, I cant. He got it and agreed, so that was good.
He said he doesnt understand why people bother with him, I said everyone loves him but he said only because they see what I show them, not the real me.., and went on to say he doesnt like himself, not AT ALL. I've never heard him say that before. He said he is consumed with guilt (over me and his Dad etc) and hates himself for things he has done. I got him to give me some examples and whilst they were a little valid, he cant take 100% responsibility for those examples, its not all his doing. I really hope this new honesty and tearfulness is some sort of bottom and the start of him feeling better about himself and able to enjoy life!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hey Ali, thanks for dropping by and the kind words. I think that you have hit the nail on the head several times and have been far more elequent than I. I am glad to throw my support your way.
I think now that your BF is seeing a doctor he just might be on the path into the light. When you are so depressed it is hard to see the joy in even the little things. It does sound as if this DR is willing to work with him until he gets him on the right stuff to help.
I am so glad that things are working out for you both. Merry Christmas and know that you are always welcome to stop by.
blessings and hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It's good that BF is back on AD and they seem to be helping. Maybe as he starts to feel better about himself, ML will happen for the two of you. It's a good sign that you're talking about it. My H has also been consumed by guilt. He just doesn't understand how he could have done what he did. He says every day he thinks about how he's hurt me and this pains him greatly.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Kat - thansks and back at ya! Mish, we never made it skating, he was 'too tired' (depressed) but he IS alot brighter...he keeps telling me he loves me today ! I have been googling how to get pregnant..
Wow, Addie thats the same as bf. BF said to me he cannot believe how he acted and wishes he's never ever dated Helen, not even for a day and that he hates himself every single day for the hurt he caused me.. I talked to him a while back about what it was like for me those first few days/weeks when he left after the bomb and went NC, but he cannot handle hearing about it... this was before his depression got very bad and of course I cannot mention a thing these days, but even then he was just so consumed with guilt. Its wierd its like they really are a different person back then and find it hard to associate themselves with the person they were then and the decisions they made.
I'm trying to sleep (been ill with tracheatis!!) but coudnt and now I have ovulation pain! Anyone know if you get that before or after you ovulate!? I plan to jump him tommorow as I read that you remain fertile 24 hours after. Tommorow is Christmas Eve and also, the massively auspicious (particularly for us Pisceans) and rare conjunction of Jupiter, Neptune (our ruling planets) and planet of healing, Chiron. It seems like a good day to start trying for a baby ! Its something he really wants, despite the depression.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
as I read that you remain fertile 24 hours after. Tommorow is Christmas Eve and also, the massively auspicious (particularly for us Pisceans) and rare conjunction of Jupiter, Neptune (our ruling planets) and planet of healing, Chiron. It seems like a good day to start trying for a baby ! Its something he really wants, despite the depression.