LIMBO NO MO!

[Butterfly1]

Resentment is normal. I'll keep saying it. Acknowledge your feelings.

I have you in my thoughts and prayers this xmas = you have been an amazing rock of support to me this year and I am extremely grateful for your presence in my virtual life.

Enjoy the kids and dogs on Xmas.

Oh, and you know me, I'm internally thrilled that my a$$hole H is finally being softer and kinder to me - and I know that is my weakness - forgiving too much of his emotional abuse. So, thanks for the reminder about keeping expectations in check. I had a good talk with myself over that one tonight

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Hope.

I think you are doing great. I have been exactly where you are now and allowed myself to have expectations (and it's REALLY hard not to when things seem to be going so well). Those ended up biting me in the a$$.

Just do your best. And I will keepyou in my thoughts and prayer. Have a great Holiday. I will be around. It's either that or hang with the STBX In-laws! I like you guys more.

[iwantittowork]

Still struggling with some resentment, but I think that's normal.

That is normal, and it will come and go. I have made it my goal to accept it when it happens, and then work to someday remove it from my thoughts of STBXW.

With that in mind, I made the decision that I WILL work towards.
Forgiveness of my STBXW
Not to gloat, or feel happy when she has issues in her life moving forward.
Not to feel sad about where I am, but to work on being grateful for what I have now, what we once did have, and knowing that I will have what I want in the future, whether that is healthy relationships, happiness, or whatever I determine at the time.

When I feel sad, angry, hurt, resentment, I move back to acceptance and what I want above to help manage those, and bring me back to center again.

[givingitmyall]

Great advice IWITW.

[PortlandDad]

Agreed, great advice. I think all LBSs (whether D or not) wish to be able to the get to that point; where they only want the best for the WAS, and they have the confidence and courage to face their own future. I know that I'm not entirely there yet; the sting from the constant lies and fabrications hasn't completely faded, so I do feel a little satisfaction that my W is languishing in a crap-pie of her own making. I am starting to feel sorry for her, and that is probably the next step.

[givingitmyall]

I don't want my W to have a terrible life, nor do I wish any ill will upon her. But, it would be nice to hear one day that she made a mistake. But by then, it won't matter. Maybe I am still struggling with the "WHY" and hearing her say she made a mistake would somehow justify my thoughts/beliefs. Would be a hollow "victory," if a victory at all. A bit of a ramble now.

I fight feelings of resentment/anger, then read a post like Smartcookie's yesterday, and it is the first time in several months when I was brought to tears. As I read her post, I saw a lot of my sitch, or at least the way I suspect my W perceives it. Logical side said to stop reading, it's gonna hurt. But, I couldn't stop reading. And it DID HURT, a lot.

The thought that she can see me the way SC discussed her H is VERY painful.

But then, I think that we have hurt each other enough at this point. Isn't it worth another try? Aren't our kids worth it? Aren't we? I understand the answers to these questions, at least I think I do. But the questions illustrate my frustration. That I know we can make this work - but I DON't KNOW for HER. I just know she has apparently shut the door on working on us. For her, she would rather be alone than with me. And that cuts about as deeply as anything can.

[motherof3]

But then, I think that we have hurt each other enough at this point. Isn't it worth another try? Aren't our kids worth it? Aren't we? I understand the answers to these questions, at least I think I do. But the questions illustrate my frustration. That I know we can make this work - but I DON't KNOW for HER. I just know she has apparently shut the door on working on us. For her, she would rather be alone than with me. And that cuts about as deeply as anything can.

GIMA - Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I ask myself the same questions, feel the same frustration, and hurt just the same. We have been dealt a sh!tty hand. You just need to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. You never know what cards are going to show up in your next hand.

[givingitmyall]

Very true. Feeling a bit reflective this morning.

[soleil]

But then, I think that we have hurt each other enough at this point. Isn't it worth another try? Aren't our kids worth it? Aren't we? I understand the answers to these questions, at least I think I do. But the questions illustrate my frustration. That I know we can make this work - but I DON't KNOW for HER. I just know she has apparently shut the door on working on us. For her, she would rather be alone than with me. And that cuts about as deeply as anything can.

Gima, I understand how frustrated you must feel. Defeated in a way. All you can do is let her know you're willing and if she's not then eventually a decision will have to be made. It takes two to tango.

[pitinmygut]

I had the same exact feelings/thoughts as I was reading SC's post yesterday. It really struck a nerve with me. It is really hard to imagine that my STBXW was feeling that way, but it is reality.

I think one of the most confusing/depressing aspects of all of this for most LBS, is that the WAS is willing to be alone and deal with any hardships that come along with that, then to remain married to us and trying to make it work.