If this is the worst thing you have be worked up about - then, hey, life is terrific indeed, isn't it?
I totally agree, and it was more that it was aggravating than something "serious," if you know what I mean. As long as H respects my boundary around this and doesn't try to pull me into the mix, then he's more than free to keep pounding his head against that wall. It's when he wants to suck ME into the whole deal and then give me no freedom to say/do what is authentic to me that I have a problem. Anyway, H agreed to keep me out of the whole clusterf*ck.
It's interesting, actually. H is finally seeing his parents for who they are rather than as the fairy tale/perfect he'd always viewed them as. I think we call that maturity? His parents' wishes were Right, and we (I) had no freedom to have my own opinion about anything...really, no one did (like his sister, and she drives him bonkers). Finally he's seeing his dad as this Poor Me guy who is pretty controlling. He picks at his wife constantly with that hangdog look...yelled at her at my BIL's wedding because she came inside with me (and the whole Bride's side of the family) because we were freezing instead of staying outside with him as the bride and groom were meandering along from the beach, still getting pictures taken. She wouldn't let me say anything because, as she put it, "He'll just give me more sh!t later."
Bottom line? We're ALL of us crazy. I just choose not to own or get sucked into others' crazy very often anymore.
Rob~I'd love to get together if you make it out here. I'll give you suggestions of where to go/what to see while you're here too if you want. H has a whole document with links he put together for people who visit which I'd be happy to share with you.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Yep, sure can. As my students say, I've got lotsa smarticles!
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
What a difference four years makes. Four years ago I cooked H a special dinner for our 7th anniversary which was awkward at best, after which he called OW. We were sleeping in different bedrooms, and it was several weeks away from when we finally reconciled. I'd reached a point where I knew I'd be okay, and I was starting to drift away myself as I saw the options available to me if we eventually divorced.
Fast forward 4 years. We already went out for brunch, and H has dinner reservations for us somewhere that's a surprise. He bought a bottle of our favorite wine that was bottled the year we got married, and we're bringing that with us to the restaurant. Our M is really solid--we communicate well and accept each others' faults much better. It's not perfect, but what M is? I don't think perfect exists, nor should it.
Although my sitch worked out, I know that I would have been just as happy and content at this point if it hadn't. The real gift of DBing and the whole sitch was finding my own happiness and strength. I'm glad H is here with me, but I know I'll be fine no matter what.
If you're reading this, have hope. No one dies because a relationship ends, it just feels that way. See yourself past your current situation strong, happy, and alive. You have been awakened from a deep, mindless slumber. The question is, will you take this opportunity to stay alive and awake, or will you seek to stay asleep in the dream? As for me, I chose to live, and so I look back at 2006 as one of the most important years of my life.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
So great to read that someone made it. Godspeed. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
