FWIW - I still buy and ship presents to my former MIL, and 2 SIL's. Why? Because they are still my son's family and they had nothing to do with the D. I still love them and always will so it's my own choice to do this for them from my son and I. Yes, things will change, but you can choose how you decide to handle her family and she will choose to do what she wants for yours.
Simple? No. This is a complicated process. The key here is to do what feels right to you regarding the IL's.
I agree it is her choice to do what she wants with my family. But, here's the rub, SHE is leaving me, not the other way around. If I were leaving her, then I would not shop for HER family, unless I thought I was SUPPOSED to or I felt guilty to some extent.
Just making the point that while she professes to want D (new life), she does not appear to want to sever ties with my family.
Appearances GIMA, appearances. Like you've said before, that is most important to her.
She very well may keep doing this for years so she doesn't look like the 'bad guy'.
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Newton's First Law of Motion: I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
Use the Force. Once she is knocked off center (THE BOMB) then let's watch what happens.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Appearances GIMA, appearances. Like you've said before, that is most important to her.
She very well may keep doing this for years so she doesn't look like the 'bad guy'.
Quote:
Newton's First Law of Motion: I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
Use the Force. Once she is knocked off center (THE BOMB) then let's watch what happens.
Mishka and Coach,
I hear you. But, esp. Coach, there is nothing to do until after the Holidays, except make my plans to carry that out. After teh Holidays, we have a discussion about, ok, let,s get moving on this D you want.
Am I missing something? Of course, if the opportunity presents itself before then, I will be honest with her as to what we will be doing (I have already told her this a couple of weeks back).
Once you make the decision, it will make you feel better. Limbo is a horrible existence. Found out I am not as strong as I thought in being able to handle it for a year(my original goal) I cut the cord at 8 months. I am in same position as you living at home with wife and 3 sons. My sons are quite astute as to what is going on. My middle son said to my w, why don't you hug daddy anymore. My oldest has become the peace officer anytime my w and I have a disagreement. We stopped the fighting for the most part in the house. I somewhat choose to not look her in the eye or carry on much conversation with her. Just having fun with my sons. Looking at her just makes me more mad as to what she has done or will do to my sons and myself. Hurting everyone around her so she can fulfill her destiny....
We both retained attorneys and are going through the process. I did it first because she stepped way over my boundary line and enough is enough. Her parents called yesterday and really didn't get why I wasn't coming for christmas eve. I don't think she has told them it is really done yet. When I don't show, everyone will get that it is done.
She did try telling some people in her family that I have a girlfriend, which her family told me(they all think she is crazy). I told her that was a nice try in making you look like the good guy, but I don't have one and wouldn't do that while I am married to you. Unlike her, I took our vows seriously.
Anyway, I would tell you that making that first move is like that shot over the bow. I started the ball rolling and it is rolling fast...
She will as I am sure your wife will understand someday what they did was wrong. I do have a letter written already to hand her the day the divorce is final. There is so many things I have wanted to say how she treated me through this process. However, fighting now only hurts the kids and would make her want to take everything she can from me. Right now, I am hoping the guilt factor is working for me and I wont have to pay alimony in addition to my child support....
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
GIMA...I am impressed with your resolve and confidence. It seems like your sitch is pretty similar to mine, although there could be an OP involved in my story but I'm not sure if that is an issue with you. Much of what you said resonates quite a bit with me...I am growing very resentful of the constant cold shoulder treatment and absolutely HATE being married to the person she has become. I honestly believe that if I wasn't still so physically attracted to her that I would have been the WAS myself! As you saw in my thread (and thanks for your input!), my "limboland" is just entering the 4th month and since W has been traveling so much, I wonder if I'm being too impatient and not giving DB'ing enough time since we've been apart so frequently since the bomb.
Much of what you said resonates quite a bit with me...I am growing very resentful of the constant cold shoulder treatment and absolutely HATE being married to the person she has become. I honestly believe that if I wasn't still so physically attracted to her that I would have been the WAS myself!
Man, there are sooooo many beautiful (and NICE too) women out there who would kill to get a crack at you. Go work out at a gym and just watch. I get where you are coming from and I too felt that way once upon a time. But as her lack of concern for my well being grows, the less and less I am attracted to her.
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As you saw in my thread (and thanks for your input!), my "limboland" is just entering the 4th month and since W has been traveling so much, I wonder if I'm being too impatient and not giving DB'ing enough time since we've been apart so frequently since the bomb.
Question is what has SHE done to work on the M at all? Four months IS long enough for her to decide to work on the M. And I mean WORK on the M, not some half a$$ed I won't contact him that much.
I was in limbo for 6 months before getting my fill. Do I KNOW, FOR SURE, I am doing the right thing? No, of course not. But, do I think it's the RIGHT thing to do, YES.
Do you really think if she is willing to work on the M that you pushing is what will cause her to run? Sorry, but if she's gone, she's gone man. Only way to see is to lead.
Go back to my last thread "Gotta Keep Trying 2" and read the last couple of weeks posts. Coach and Greek gave me some great advice.
Found out this am the sleeping arrangements and who is actually coming for Christmas. In-laws are staying at a hotel - always stayed here before, but, there's nowhere for them to sleep given the circumstances. If I were them, can't say I would want to stay at our house either.
So on Christmas day, it will be W, kids, me, W's parents, W's step-brother and his GF. Oh, and my two dogs! I will make the best of it. Strength and honor.
