I am still a little in shock. I know of the email because H forwarded to me accusing me of sending it to "test" him...said he understood my concern and he loved me but it was wrong of me to "spoof" her...said she would never email him or send him anything!
Well guess what? It wasn't me! It was her. He said he believed me but I was so hurt. He said the style of writing was not like her and since I had sent false emails before (never to him) that he felt justified in accusing me...he did appologize but it still hurt that he would think she wouldn't do that but I would!
She wanted to know how the kids were, how I was, and mostly how he was.
Wow...never thought I would hear from her again...just baffles me
It has been 3 years since they last had email contact. Why now? I wonder if she is alone again and using him for a fall back guy?
I emailed her...told her respectuflly that he didn't wish to have any contact with her and that I would like for her to leave us in peace and just know that we have moved on. H blocked her email so she won't be able to tell him.
I sit and wonder now if she will even reply to my email. In my email I did appologize for all the nasty things I said to her when I found about the affair...I told her in my defense I was blind-sided but none the less I am sorry (I allowed lowered myself by name calling)...then respectfully asked that she let us live our lives in peace that H had no desire to have any contact with her either...
I forwarded part of the email he sent to me (the part that said "I love you")with his forwarding of her email to me so she will know that he sent me her email...
It just bothers me because she said "Don't ask me how I got your email, funny actually"...he said he got another email and it may have sent out contact information...I know he hasn't contacted her...I just can't believe after all this time...last he emailed her she was in a relationship and happy...I just have a gut feeling that things have changed...she had already been married several times and had 4 kids...probably one from each husband...and she was only 32 yrs. old then!
PleaseimLIN, don't give her that much importance in your lives.
It's pretty obvious that she would not do this, unless she wanted a reaction. You said yourself it's been a long time since there was any communication at all. Why now? you ask. Because she can. Because she knew it would generate negative thinking on your part.
I'm pretty sure she won't answer your email, but if she does take whatever she may say with a grain of salt..then let it go.
You've been working on your marriage for a few years now...dont let her even START to undo what you've both worked for with this email.
Even if she accidentally got hold of the email info, she didn't have to act on it....but she did....and that should say loads about her values. She knows you're back together and happy..so why pull this stunt.
Maybe the best thing you could do is sit down with your H and send an email TOGETHER to her, wishing her the best, and stating in no uncertain terms further communication is not necessary nor wanted by either of you....period.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
She hasn't changed a bit, but you have and your H.
Let it go, but I am sorry you had to experience this.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
She's testing the waters and yes, wants to stir the pot up and ruin the holidays for you and your h. I have a feeling she's alone and is hoping that your h would respond to her. If she had the nerve to post a note to your h, she very may well be brazen enough to respond back to you.
She really is a piece of work and one that is not out of your life just yet. She almost accomplished what she set out to do, i.e., create doubt in the minds of both you and your h.
Please do not allow this woman to ruin your holidays.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
ther email does say a lot about her unbelievable how these OW really dont care who they hurt maybe they lack they ability from some previovus abuse disconnrcted from her concious I also felt the same as snodderly the holidays shes probably alone on the hunt for another man maybe hoping your H woulkd still be interested no concern about any consequences I like what creed said also--maybe send a message together and then let her go--get the email changed if it happens again your H obviously chose you dont ket it ruin the holidays peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I think she will know H and I both are together on this. I was very respectful in my email, not judgemental, not condeming but very clear that H wants no contact (otherwise why would he have forwarded her message to me) and that I respectfully request that she not contact "us" again.
She asked specifically about our son, by name, as he was young when all of this happened and likely the reason my H did not move to her state and ultimately ended the affair (although he did not return home right away), she asked about the "girls", then me by name...then said mostly she wanted to know how he was doing.
In my email I did tell her that he was happy, had restablished a good standing with our congregations, friends, and family again.
She was never the pushy type, so I really think the fact that she knows that H is totally open with me and that we are both on the same page with our marriage, that I won't hear from her...I actually think it will be shock to her that he forwarded the email because he tended to be such a private person.
Then again she could have me blocked from her email and not even receive or know he shared it with me.
H says he will not reply to her as that will be his message...no contact is no contact even if she sends him a message asking all kinds of questions.
I think it sort of burst any last bubble for H, he was just so sure she would have never sent him anything...it still stings that he thought I would even pretend to be her...really would have been stupid on my part because it could have caused a reaction from him to contact her...I told him I wasn't that stupid.
H thought that I was still worried about him...trusting...I told him that he has given me no reason. He comes home, he used the computer if full site of me and the family, he is not secretive, he is not drinking, no signs...I don't feel any need to check up on him...if I didn't think I could trust him I wouldn't have worked on rebuilding our marriage at all...
She did succeed in stiring up the painful feelings that I had dealt with for a long time...no feelings of wondering if H is here for me...just old pain...it will pass, H loves me
Thanks for being here for me just to vent out...this helps...I don't come here much at all anymore because I am so busy with life...but it is nice to know that this place is here for those who need it and those, like me, who need to touch base once in a while...
((((((Lin)))))) I'm sorry this happened... but I think you H's response was great! As was yours.
Being one who likes to make lemonade out of lemons, I would say you could look at this as a good thing! Now you KNOW that he means no contact. You KNOW that he doesn't want her to be part of his life. You don't have to wonder what he would do if she tried to contact him, because now you KNOW!
I almost feel sorry for her. I have a feeling that she is feeling holiday loneliness. She's broum X seems to be emotional and on edge. Unfortunately it seems the kids get to be in the focus when it happens. Some of it is them, acting their age. Interestingly, brought it on herself, but it is still sad. I would not even be shocked if she had sent other emails to other people that she has "lost" through her inappropriate actions over the years.
Thank you for telling me how he is doing. Yes I am still in a wonderful relationship and am very happy. My fiance' knows of "H". I know his health was not good, just wanted to see how he was. Your point has been made. I meant no disrespect. I wish you both the best.
Regards "OW"
My gut says she won't attempt any contact...she went 3 years and I feel that now that she knows H is okay and we are happy she will just let it go...I tend to believe she is sincere...she was not a needy grabby OW like some prove to be...
So I guess that is it...thanks again for allowing me to let it out so as not to bother H with all of my stirred up feelings.
