HI mar I have been reading your thready with enthusiasm. I find that our sitch is very similar. I too am recently divorced and me ex and I share a very intimate friendship ourselves.
I find it very hard at time not to have expectations. I know where you are coming from. I wish there was an easy way to to just charm the pants off our Xs and start again.
What always gets me in trouble is her going out. She is an attractive woman and can have any man she wants. As a matter of fact there was an OM in the picture for a bit, and I believe she still pines for him.
The day she told me the divorce was official was really a strange day. I didn't say much to her. She sat there and told me how she still wanted us to be friends. She was not interested in dating anyone in particular, but she wanted to date. But in the end she this is what really confused me, she said at the end of the day i want you to be able come back to me and me to you. We proceeded to ML right after that.
I have my days where things just don't work right. I recently was let go from job of 6 years ( i got a temp job immediately) but i was still feeling like a failure. She had invited me for steaks that day and i declined as i was feeling bad. She insisted i come over but i knew that i didn't want her to see me in a pathetic state.
However friday comes along and i feel miserable. I did what you should not do. I called her and asked her/begged her to come over as i was feelnig lonely. Yeah pathetic. She declined. But said i should spend the night the next day. So i did. That was a mistake too. We kissed here and there at her behest. but when i initiate, she declined. That hurt my ego. QUite a bit. So i told her i wasn't handling this and left. Mistake number 2.
I spend the entire day lamenting what i did. I picked myself up and tried to develop a PMA. WE texted today and she invited me to steaks today. I accepted and told her i dusted off my cobwebs.
PMA the rest of the way. Do i see light here? She has said that she is able to enjoy me more now that the D is final. I feel her waffling back and forth still.
PMA the rest of the way. Do i see light here? She has said that she is able to enjoy me more now that the D is final. I feel her waffling back and forth still.
Advice?
Sure thing, for you and a reminder to mar,
Take it one day at a time, and take it for what it is, A CHANCE, something that a lot of folks here could only dream of.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Hey, undrdg, good to hear from you. I agree with dday, it's a chance, but while she's waffling don't be her puppet. Learn to live with yourself and enjoy it!
Ron
M: 47 W: 50 D: 19 S: 16 Grandson: 21 months (now officially our son) Married: 10/2/89 Divorced: 7/31/09 XW moved back home 11/12 Re-married 5/25/10
Hi all, things are going, ex has again expressed no romantic feelings, doesn't want to go there again.. Likes living alone, being alone. He is a man that doesn't date much, before me only 1 girlfriend for about a year and that was 9 years prior to us dating. His needs don't involve intimacy on the level that I would require I think. That's why friendship really works for him and he can do the trips, ect... and keep it at that. And I think that's why I get confused and start to want more and he can't or won't go there. I know we really like each other, and I thought we could rekindle and at first he seemed like he wanted that too, but it doesn't appear the case anymore.
Oh, that kind of sheds a new light on his stance then.
I guess the question is how much do you in fact want to be back with him?
If as much as I get from what you say then might I suggest as I've been, ride it out at his pace. No more R talk. Be his friend, have fun together just hanging out. Someday I'd be willing bet it will come down to you're there and single, and he's there and single and he just may say 'what the heck, let's bring this to another level' afterall.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I haven't read the entire sitch but I am VERY happy for you and Ron as well...
I'm soon to D and WAW is w/ OM in a hot and heavr R- as she calls it now.
It's sad that R/M's can fall into the Pursuit-Withdrawl model, and I know it's tough work.
mar- I hope everything works out I know your feeling about time, but you must be patient. You are lucky b/c of your child- there is time- remember that.
Also remember he may be db-ing as well, so it will not be the easiest thing.
I so pray that my WAW can muster the courage and resole to seek me out if her A fizzles- we too had a decent M and know exactly where things went wrong.
I will pray for you and I am so happy that you know what you want- remember never give up hope.
