Getting back on track ...

[chatterbug]

That was a beautiful post sgctxok.

[P17]

P17
I must say that I agree with you. W is step mother isn't she.

Yes she is the step-mother.

I might add that a benefit that D will not have from W is those little things that a young lady would talk to a woman about that she would not talk to a male about. Maybe MIL or a sister or something can fill those roles as needed.

D's mum is still around to fulfill that role thankfully.

Love ya man, Keep being the great father you are...

Thanks for the support Pat. It's appreciated.

[P17]

Hi P17---
Again--I think you are amazing and you are still giving great advice---keep it up.

Thanks sg.

One thing I strongly disagree with is advice to out an affair. It's already done here.

It is done here. It's revenge that makes me want to do more if I'm honest and I suppose that is pretty natural given the sitch.

And everything between you and your wife should stay between you and your wife.

It's a bit late for that to be honest.

He told me that my children need all the people in their life that love them...and to nurture that. I have done that. And that's one of the things I will never regret more than 15 years after my divorce. Even when my inlaws shut me out for about 2 years. And that's about how long it seems to take with what I've witnessed on the board. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.....even if you're not treated spectacularly.....IT WILL COME BACK TO YOU. Think years out, not 6m out in everything you do. And if it doesn't come back to you, it comes back to your child.

You're right sg. I'm not entirely convinced MIL does love D and I believe her contact is out of guilt but I truly hope I am wrong. Time, and actions, will tell.

It also prepares the way for an easier transition for you and your wife. The more divisions you make, the more divisions remain....so if you have divisions with your inlaws, it can make it hard or impossible for your wife to 'save face' and come back.

I believe we are far too far down that path with my own father now due to my wife's disinterest in the death of my mother and the arrogant (his words not mine) letter she sent him with the condolence card. I suppose it's never too late though to say sorry (is that not a song?)

So keep the gifts. With joy. Thank your MIL with enthusiasm. Your joy will give back to her.....and nurture what she knows in her heart....YOU'RE the BEST!!!
Peace is almost always the best way.

I was going to get D to call her today and thank her personally but wasn't able to. I dropped MIL a text explaining and said that I would get D to call her soon. I thanked her for the present and thoughtfulness.

[P17]

I posted this in the Going Dark forum, but I wanted to post here as it's relevant to my reason for starting the thread.

I wanted this thread to represent my plan of where I go to from here. I'm currently in NC with my W and thought I would post my goals from Plan B and ask for advice, suggestions or comments?!

1. Force WAS to get all EN's from OM by removing me and D from her life.
2. Force WAS to live the fantasy life by disappearing completely from the radar (going very dark).
3. Stop snooping, asking, looking or being interested in W, OM or the affair.
4. Stop W cake eating.
5. Begin to figure out myself
6. Heal, understand and embrace my pain and hurt.
7. Get a life.
8. Begin to feel in control of my life again and do things that make ME happy. Be selfish sometimes.
9. Feel comfortable with who I am and begin to learn and understand myself better, flaw, warts and all.
10. Understand and own my sh*t within the marriage.
11. Accept the end of the M.
12. Protect my marriage. Keep enough love to decide if I want to continue it or end it.
13. This is about me not my wife.
14. Understand that the W I married is gone now and may never come back.
15. Reconnect with D and get back to being the best dad I can.

[sgctxok]

That was a beautiful post sgctxok.

i appreciate that

[sgctxok]

P-

I would probably choose the same path you have....just make sure its the path you want, and not because a wheel has been set in motion. Early on, the wheel can be stopped.

Have fun with your daughter.....and thanks for all you do on the board!

[P17]

I would probably choose the same path you have....just make sure its the path you want, and not because a wheel has been set in motion. Early on, the wheel can be stopped.

SG, can you elaborate on that?