I on and off have been reading your thread for months. Too much for me to keep up on
Anyhow, I want to take a step back and state from where you were so many months ago- jobless, homeless, super depressed and anxious- things are so much better for you.
You've definitely taken a bashing at times, many 2x4's (ok, many, many 2x4's) but you have been keeping at it. Persistent and still trying. I may not agree with some of your views on reconciling with your wife. But I have to admit- you still come here, you still post. Perhaps your journey to a better you is a slow one, maybe slower than others but I think you are still trying. Am proud of you for that.
Good for you!
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
The best thing I can do is learn growth the best I can from all of this. I won't mention the droid again. Got that one loud and clear.
Kevin
Kevin, I just ordered a droid. I am giddy with excitement. I agree with all the rest of what 25 said, but for tech lovers, being excited about a new phone is cool. Feel free to share your excitement.
I too am a techno geek. That is actually something my H and I have in common. I am holding off on getting a new phone until I find gainful employment, but the droid is VERY tempting.
If your W looks down your nose for being excited, its her problem. I highly doubt that would rate that low on her scale.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I am thinking it over for KJ. I hate to tell her no on anything. And I know the reason she is asking me to for her is to help me continue and stay on the right track for my own life.
Kevin
I understand the time it takes Kevin and I am thrilled that you are considering it. Sure there are lots of things you could do with that time, but then growing is the most important thing you are working on right now. Staying on track for your own life, it sure sounds like a worthy investment of your time.
Just a dumb question, how would your W view you not going to AA? I know you should go just for you, but don't you also think she would think that you couldn't stick with it? It isn't a weakness to have a problem. It is to have a problem and not face it. Even though you are addressing it in other ways, don't you think she would respect you more if she knows you stuck it out?
Whatever you decide, I'm going to support you.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I have never been to AA. I am aware of the 12 step program though and to me, that is really just another aspect of making goals and completing them.
So some form of *that* might be helpful, no? If AA is not your choice then how about some other form of that?
My C is tough. He does not fool around and requires total dedication. I guess the concept he follows is like AA. Mapping out steps then helping you create your own. That doesn't sound so bad, right?
I actually LOVE C'ing now as it really challenges me.
I often wondered what your W would say about not going to AA too. As the exw of an alcoholic, I would be very leery unless he was in a working program that provides accountability...otherwise they call it a 'dry drunk' which is someone sort of white knuckling it. No offense Kev, but the whole alcoholism thing is very tender to me.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Just an fyi I texted my husband to see when they are coming in for christmas, since I have plans, I wanted to make sure we could agree on a day for him to come see our daughter and grand children. Funny just last year everything was WE THIS AND WE THAT....his text said "I'm ready to see everyone" not reading much into this just wanted to let you know.....he sounds not as infatuated as he was before maybe me just wanting to think this way......he doesnt have a job so she supports the both of them.....so she has him right under her control now....he plays games all day long on F/B....any thoughts?????
I on and off have been reading your thread for months. Too much for me to keep up on
Anyhow, I want to take a step back and state from where you were so many months ago- jobless, homeless, super depressed and anxious- things are so much better for you.
You've definitely taken a bashing at times, many 2x4's (ok, many, many 2x4's) but you have been keeping at it. Persistent and still trying. I may not agree with some of your views on reconciling with your wife. But I have to admit- you still come here, you still post. Perhaps your journey to a better you is a slow one, maybe slower than others but I think you are still trying. Am proud of you for that.
Good for you!
Thank you June72. Looking at what you just said does take me back to how bad off I was at one point. It is encouraging to see it laid before me again.
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I too am a techno geek. That is actually something my H and I have in common. I am holding off on getting a new phone until I find gainful employment, but the droid is VERY tempting.
If your W looks down your nose for being excited, its her problem. I highly doubt that would rate that low on her scale. I understand the time it takes Kevin and I am thrilled that you are considering it. Sure there are lots of things you could do with that time, but then growing is the most important thing you are working on right now. Staying on track for your own life, it sure sounds like a worthy investment of your time.
Just a dumb question, how would your W view you not going to AA? I know you should go just for you, but don't you also think she would think that you couldn't stick with it? It isn't a weakness to have a problem. It is to have a problem and not face it. Even though you are addressing it in other ways, don't you think she would respect you more if she knows you stuck it out?
Whatever you decide, I'm going to support you.
My W views people that have to get help with issues pretty much as troubled and good for them that they are getting C for it. But it doesn’t really change her overall opinion of them. I think in my W’s eyes it just proves that I am/was a problem and it doesn’t really matter to her if I am seeking treatment other than for the kids sake. It almost like justifies her decisions in her mind by me going to AA instead of looking at it as maybe a turning point.
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I have never been to AA. I am aware of the 12 step program though and to me, that is really just another aspect of making goals and completing them.
So some form of *that* might be helpful, no? If AA is not your choice then how about some other form of that?
My C is tough. He does not fool around and requires total dedication. I guess the concept he follows is like AA. Mapping out steps then helping you create your own. That doesn't sound so bad, right?
I actually LOVE C'ing now as it really challenges me.
No, It doesn’t sound so bad. I guess I had thought I had been doing enough with my C and priest. But like I said, I am thinking it over again. It doesn’t mean I like it. But I am thinking on it.
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I often wondered what your W would say about not going to AA too. As the exw of an alcoholic, I would be very leery unless he was in a working program that provides accountability...otherwise they call it a 'dry drunk' which is someone sort of white knuckling it. No offense Kev, but the whole alcoholism thing is very tender to me.
My W doesn’t show any care about whether I go or not or complete it. She just wants to know that I am trustworthy for the kids sake. She wants nothing to do with me whether I have improved or not or my life has gotten better or not.
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I feel like StartingOver, go to lunch come back and Kevin is boozing it up again. LOL.
Time to Bombard Kevin with more information....
Maybe you should read Joseph Conrad's Secret Agent. Pay special attention to Winnie.
Another book. Great. Thanks Steve.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Just an fyi I texted my husband to see when they are coming in for christmas, since I have plans, I wanted to make sure we could agree on a day for him to come see our daughter and grand children.
Very Good.
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Funny just last year everything was WE THIS AND WE THAT....his text said "I'm ready to see everyone" not reading much into this just wanted to let you know.....
Might not be much to read into with that.
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he sounds not as infatuated as he was before maybe me just wanting to think this way......
Maybe he feels like his life is in a bit of limbo lately with the circumstances.
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he doesnt have a job so she supports the both of them.....so she has him right under her control now....he plays games all day long on F/B....any thoughts?????
Sounds like a pretty empty life. He can’t possibly be happy living like that.
Don’t get your hopes up for anything.
It kind of sounds like he is pretty much just looking forward to saying hi and seeing how yall are doing.
Don’t set expectations and you won’t be disappointed. Hopefully for you and your daughter we are reading this wrong. But I agree, try not to read to much into it. Things may be vastly different when he arrives. Maybe he is just feeling sluggish today.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
