I feel the same way, GIMA. I think I would be open to reconciliation (after a lot of MC), but I've been conducting my life like I will be D soon. My H has his own apartment, so I would be crazy not to start living my own life. I have days when I miss him, but some days I feel freer than I have in years. I'm excited about the possibilities in my future.
I know what you mean. There is still some sadness, but there are exciting things in my new life. And freedom I gave up, not in a good way, to W.
We are still living in the same house, and that makes it challenging some times. But, I can handle it.
I can imagine it must be awful to have to coexist with a WAS, but you can handle it.
I think when we focus on the exciting things ahead, it helps take away some of the sadness. I've got a laundry list of things I plan to do in my new life.
S5 always asked for a brother. I used to tell him he was the baby, and he would never have a brother. Now I think...who knows, he might end up with a step brother. lol
I can imagine it must be awful to have to coexist with a WAS, but you can handle it.
I think when we focus on the exciting things ahead, it helps take away some of the sadness. I've got a laundry list of things I plan to do in my new life.
S5 always asked for a brother. I used to tell him he was the baby, and he would never have a brother. Now I think...who knows, he might end up with a step brother. lol
All of my sib's are either steps or half sibs. And I'm close with all of them. Step or half, they ARE my siblings.
GIMA, Happy to hear you are rising above the miserable place of limbo land. Great attitude & best of luck.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Good luck dude, your attitude sounds like a true DBer. I am in the same place as you and recently fully embraced the As If concept. It does give you peace and the emotions are in check. I use daily affirmations for 5 minutes on the car ride to work and back. Something so simple makes a big difference in your mind set.
Remember that she is in LIMBO, too. So your efforts to free the R from this holding pattern is a)loving to yourself b)loving to her c)leadership. You'll have to have a stout heart and stiff upper lip ~ pretend you're British! Haha!
Cheers ~ Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Remember that she is in LIMBO, too. So your efforts to free the R from this holding pattern is a)loving to yourself b)loving to her c)leadership. You'll have to have a stout heart and stiff upper lip ~ pretend you're British! Haha!
Cheers ~ Greek
"Minding the pedestrians Hyacinth.."
Thanks Greek. The part I am having a bit of trouble with is being loving to her. What does that mean, other than treat her with respect and compassion? Is it forging ahead with splitting this and D while doing it in a way that is not motivated by anger?
Thanks Greek. The part I am having a bit of trouble with is being loving to her.
Being 'loving' right now means 'do everything you choose to do out of love.' It doesn't mean being a doormat or going out of your way or being above and beyond the call of duty. No! It means that you do nothing out of spite. You are not punitive. You see her as another soul on this planet whom you respect for that reason (basic human dignity). And you make all of your decisions out of love for yourself, your children and W. You'll look back on these days when you are an old, retired GIMA. You'll want to be proud of the man your remember.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Thanks Greek. I think I understand a little better now. How does this square with letting her feel the reality of her decisions? I suppose that is allowing those consequences, but not as a result of wanting to hurt her (I don't want to hurt her) or exact revenge (again, I don't want that either)?
