Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Update:
Well, tonight was fine! Phew! I made sure to wear one of my new "tighter" fitting shirts, flattering jeans, wore my contacts again, did hair and make-up right before he came over. I greeted him warmly with our son and made sure to LOOK HIM IN THE EYE. He returned eye contact.

Something I am working on is asking him more questions about himself BUT it's hard because I tend to ask about activities/events which means I might be finding info about what he does with OW. So I am trying to ask about things about his past, likes/dislikes, you know, about HIM, but without sounding like I am interviewing him or being obvious about what I'm doing.

So I made those attempts and I noticed that he was bringing up more conversation on his own! I can't help but feel bad that I stopped doing this when we were still together.(I have been the talker, he has been the listener)

Anyway, then I worked out, freshened my make up, dressed into pajamas (i.e. yoga pants and tighter v neck red shirt, but I need to find sexier shirts that are warmer than the tank tops I wear in spring/summer) made dinner (used the grill which is a big deal! The gas scares me!)and he put our baby to sleep.

So we ate dinner, watched 2.5 men that had tons of infidelity references...then he cleaned up the kitchen, lingered, and just stood there by the tree, kind of drawing out things to talk about before saying goodbye.

He won't be coming over again until Saturday and that is the night that my SIL watches S and I have my Ugly Holiday Sweater Party.

(FYI I went to my mommy group this morning and brought homemade chicken tortilla soup! It was a hit! Also, they said I looked really good without my glasses and liked my new closthes. I am totally appreciative of any and all compliments right now because I am so insecure, admittedly, for the time being. SO ANNOYING!)

[P17]

Update:
Well, tonight was fine! Phew! I made sure to wear one of my new "tighter" fitting shirts, flattering jeans, wore my contacts again, did hair and make-up right before he came over. I greeted him warmly with our son and made sure to LOOK HIM IN THE EYE. He returned eye contact.

Newmama, I am actually getting a bit fed up with how hot you keep describing yourself. I actually keep threatening to come over there on a plane, but it'd actually just for you. If I EVER make it over there, me and yo and going to destroy WH ...

Did he respond to any of it?

Something I am working on is asking him more questions about himself BUT it's hard because I tend to ask about activities/events which means I might be finding info about what he does with OW. So I am trying to ask about things about his past, likes/dislikes, you know, about HIM, but without sounding like I am interviewing him or being obvious about what I'm doing.

So I made those attempts and I noticed that he was bringing up more conversation on his own! I can't help but feel bad that I stopped doing this when we were still together.(I have been the talker, he has been the listener)[/quote[

Did all that with W .. she loved to talk about herself and didn't ever talk about me and W ... I put it down to being in the A and being bloody selfish.

[quote]
So we ate dinner,

Why are you STILL feeding him dinner?

watched 2.5 men that had tons of infidelity references...then he cleaned up the kitchen, lingered, and just stood there by the tree, kind of drawing out things to talk about before saying goodbye.

He is still cake eating but I know you know that.

[newmama]

Yes, he is cake eating but I am doing a Plan A of sorts. So it is part of the whole thing. (Plan A is where you improve yourself, avoid love busting comments, try to meet your spouse's top emotional needs and then it is supposed to be followed by Plan B after a certain amount of time. Closing the bakery! Just haven't made it to plan B yet. There is a small chance that the WS ends the A during Plan A before ever having to go to Plan B. Very small chance. this is from Dr. Harley of marriagebuilders.com but is better described in his book, Surving an Affair.)

Newmama, I am actually getting a bit fed up with how hot you keep describing yourself.

Hahaha! I do not want to come across like that! I am just trying to explain that I am wearing more flattering clothing than before! And I didn't want "pajamas" to come across as flannel with pink stars and yellow moons or something (although flannel is sooooo comfortable damn it! But husbands seem to hate the flannel PJs on their wives!)

Like I said,I am losing baby weight and a poster did say WH sees me as a "mom" so unless it is a MILF, I need to amp up the sex appeal! So i am working with what I got and noticing compliments from people.

And yes, I am still feeding him.
He was the main cook for the last 5 years of our relationship. I was the sous chef I guess or the prep cook. So I am improving myself by cooking and he is noticing finally!

I realize you are teasing me! BUt I felt like responding anyway!

[chatterbug]

Newmama. I love the flannels.
Best thing about them.
When things get hot and heavy.
Theres lots of sweet sweat. So I can smell that my lover is getting into it. And when they come off on a cold night. I can feel the goose bumps on the arms and legs. Now that is sexy.

You woman. You need to learn that sexy is not what you have been brainwashed with all your life.

We are men. Not boys.

You are a woman and not a girl.

[newmama]

[quote]You need to know that as long as he is in the affair, he is gone.
He is living in a very different land. His actions are very selfish and he does not care what these actions do to you. Nothing right now will make him turn to you. But your actions will chip away.[/quote]

Cutter said this to avermont back in early November and I think P, you should think about how it relates to your W and I am putting it on my thread because I am finally feeling like my actions are chipping away at him (finally meaning this last month or so instead of the other 7 months he has been in the A).

[newmama]

Cutter, I will be sure to explain the flannels to WH if I get to reconcile with him! He likes to see the woman's shape and he is not into skinny minnies.

Sexy to WH: junk in the trunk, don't wear baggy clothes- show your curves, be confident, wear your hair long, glasses or contacts. Satin material is preferable for nighties.
Oh and he loves compliments and admiration. Enjoys being needed.
Loves affections and cuddling.

Need to stop!

[P17]

You woman. You need to learn that sexy is not what you have been brainwashed with all your life.
We are men. Not boys.
You are a woman and not a girl.

Amen!

[P17]

[quote]You need to know that as long as he is in the affair, he is gone.
He is living in a very different land. His actions are very selfish and he does not care what these actions do to you. Nothing right now will make him turn to you. But your actions will chip away.[/quote]

Cutter said this to avermont back in early November and I think P, you should think about how it relates to your W and I am putting it on my thread because I am finally feeling like my actions are chipping away at him (finally meaning this last month or so instead of the other 7 months he has been in the A).

Newmama thanks for that.

However, negative thoughts - I see the A becoming long term if I know W. I am not doing any actions to chip away (as you know I'm in NC) although as you said on my thread it will get back to her if I did. But as W looks to have moved on, I don't think she'd care anyway. I know it's negative but there is nothing to tell me any different.

I have no patience, that is my problem!

You on the other hand have been doing fantastically. And he is noticing and liking your changes.

You mentioned in an earlier thread that you were worried he would bring D talk up when he came over ... did he?

[Day by Day]

Newmama, things seem very positive for you. Unfortunately, I'm seeing things the same for my sitch as P. NC does not help with chipping away at them.

Yep, no patience is my prob too. But there's nothing to give me hope or patience as time goes on to keep going.

Things are looking good for you newmama!

Hey P, your thread locked!

[P17]

Newmama, things seem very positive for you. Unfortunately, I'm seeing things the same for my sitch as P. NC does not help with chipping away at them.

We know that NC is for us, not them. But it does make it difficult to DB somebody when you don't see them. DBD at least you have kids to tie you to H which means you will still have contact. I have nothing!

Yep, no patience is my prob too. But there's nothing to give me hope or patience as time goes on to keep going.

We need to start a 'negativity rules' support group

Things are looking good for you newmama!

Hey P, your thread locked!

I know. Maybe the mods saw my pity party last night and killed the thread