It is a wonderful life no matter what the outcome. It simply has it's down moments at times and up moments at times. What life doesn't? Kevin
Elementary my dear Watson. Now get busy LIVING or get busy DYING.
Show your WAW that you trully believe you deserve better then the scraps she is throwing your way. Show her your new found confidence that she would be a FOOL to live with out.
Now keep on climbing that hill soldier!!! No more buts JUST DO IT!!!
Let your posts be about only POSITIVE ACTIONS MOVING FORWARD from now on. No more posts mentioning your WAW and what she is POSSIBLY DOING OR THINKING for at least a week.
Can you do it? Can you WALK THE WALK??? I challenge you. Do we need to start a betting pool as a motivator. I would easily put down 20$ that you can't. Prove me wrong.
Any one else want in on the action? Im guessing 25 and CG and many others will anti up.
foxes and rabbits? Seriously? Wasn't this analysis already answered by SG or did I miss something there?
Kevin
OK, I give. I quess my references are a bit obscure. They are from the begining chapters of divorce busting. To me, they stood out as examples of the point Michele was trying to get across at the time. African violets and old ladies, foxes and rabbits? an interesting choice of examples.
Why did I bother? Because rather than telling you to snub your wife, get another wife, detach, reattach, get a job, jump off a bridge, or buy a propeller hat spin it and yell woo hoo, I was hoping after a year you would go back to basics and review the text with what you know now. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.
I was hoping you or someone else was reading this now at a stressful time for everyone, even more stressful for people in a divorce situation and those examples, would have stuck out like a sore thumb.
I guess everyone interprets this text differently and resolves their marital problems by drawing their own conclusions(solutions).
catching up in this thread. Once again I leave for 3 hours and come back to 4 pages!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I see what you are talking about now. No it didn't register with me. It has been a while since I read the books DB and DR. I actually do need to read DR again. Maybe I will spend the next few weeks going through it again. It couldn't hurt. Your points are well made and on target along with your timing.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
We're not asking you to quit thinking about your wife.
We're suggesting that you stop overanalyzing every little interaction with her and basing your decisions and actions on whether or not you think it will move the needle more towards reconcilation or divorce. Subtle but vitally important.
Took me a long time to learn it ......
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
We're suggesting that you stop overanalyzing every little interaction with her and basing your decisions and actions on whether or not you think it will move the needle more towards reconcilation or divorce. Subtle but vitally important.
Drew, you are right. I 100% agree on this that I have to quit over analyzing things with her. I was doing better on that and then I have been recently helping a friend and he analizes things to death with his W and I guess I started doing it again with my own W. For some time I wasn't taking temperature checks anymore and he was and so I started to again especially with W and MIL becoming softer lately. I started getting away from the basics again and it has left me in a more frusturated mood. I will have to get back to the basics again. DR is a good thing to reread.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
What you've been doing to move on is a good thing. The problem that you don't seem to be understanding is that your job, your R, etc. all follow the same pattern.
The rest of us can see that, but you can't. Don't know why, but that's the way it is. The indecision and codependence in your R, your previous drinking, etc. is the main problem. The issue with your W and your job, your kids, etc. are results of that basic problem. Simple as that.
When you deny, get flustered, get pissed at the venues to help you deal with that root problem of yours (either the boards, or AA) it's almost like you don't want to change that part of you. So you end up going in a circle. Repeating the same scenarios.
But like your W and her infidelity, you can't make her change until she sees that what she's doing is wrong. Same here. We can't MAKE you see what your root problem is. You have to read the posts, understand them and most importantly - believe that you have to make those changes.
You also have an issue with needing instant gratification. Case in point. You stated how you need to take out money from your 401K to take care of some basic expenses. Yet you go out and buy a Droid phone. I consider myself a techgeek, but I have a plain cellphone with no web capability because in the long run it saves me a few dollars.
I think it was CG who also gave you a whole list of ways to save money. How many of those have you tried? See it seems like you're looking to go the quick and easy route whether it's your career, R, or personal life.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Ok. I am purchasing cankevinwalkthewalk.com through godaddy and opening up a paypal account as soon as I write this post.
Then we can donate all the money to AA
I really hope you are joking about this.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
