Even in the midst of our tense mediation, my W did invite me to go to church with her and the kids on Christmas Eve. She has custody of the kids on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, then I get them. Given the situation, I was assuming and planning we would do nothing together. Is there harm in going to church with them?
I don't see a problem with that as long as the only motivation is to be with the kids.
I don't know if you want to rattle her chain a bit here... but if you do... ask her if you can bring someone with. If she asks who... say, "Never mind, its probably not a good idea. OK, see you Xmas eve."
I don't see a problem with that as long as the only motivation is to be with the kids.
I don't know if you want to rattle her chain a bit here... but if you do... ask her if you can bring someone with. If she asks who... say, "Never mind, its probably not a good idea. OK, see you Xmas eve."
Just sayin'
Like it.
When I was in Flt School in the Air Force one of the instructors told us while we were Lts that everybody knew we were clueless and to take advantage of it. So when ever we would screw up on purpose he told us to blame a higher ranking officer then accept blame. "Major Nelson told us this was OK. (Pause....) Nevermind, you are correct sir, we should have known better."
Worked like a charm.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It's fun to think about yanking her like that, but I have to be honest, I'm awful at things like that. I would never be able to make it sound believable, and if I was off even the littlest bit, she would immediately call my bluff, and say "Sure! Bring whoever you like! Can't wait to meet them!" She's smart, and she knows me too well.
Something more manageable for me would be dressed a little smarter than just to go to church, wear good cologne, act as though I have somewhere else to go, as in keep looking at my watch, and then at some predetermined time say "I gotta get going, thanks for inviting me. See you tomorrow kids. Bye!" The make my exit acting like I'm in a hurry to get somewhere I very much want to be.
It's fun to think about yanking her like that, but I have to be honest, I'm awful at things like that. I would never be able to make it sound believable,
And there my friend is an ideal 180 for you. Practice makes perfect.
Originally Posted By: futureunknown
and if I was off even the littlest bit, she would immediately call my bluff, and say "Sure! Bring whoever you like! Can't wait to meet them!" She's smart, and she knows me too well.
All the more reason why you should do it. She knows you too well... start surprising her. If you want to push her out of her comfort zone you have to get out of yours too.
Originally Posted By: futureunknown
Something more manageable for me would be dressed a little smarter than just to go to church, wear good cologne, act as though I have somewhere else to go, as in keep looking at my watch, and then at some predetermined time say "I gotta get going, thanks for inviting me. See you tomorrow kids. Bye!" The make my exit acting like I'm in a hurry to get somewhere I very much want to be.
Sorry, but that sucks. The point is to spend time with the kids remember? By playing that game you end up punishing yourself and the kids. Also you send the following message to her: "See! He doesn't GAS about the kids. I was right! I should get full custody!"
Your actions speak louder than words. The watch ploy has its time and place, unfortunately this is not it. You're going there to give your kids the undivided attention they deserve. During this time you focus on them and ignore her.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Well future, just because you ask doesnt mean that you necessarily have any intention of doing it. Your just asking a question, lol. And I think that if you just hesitated between the question itself, and your "second thought" about it, but not long enough for her to answer it would work. And really, you should have a half second or so, because, Im sure that even if it doesnt upset her, it will surprise her. And I think that it would rattle her, your other claims of doneness seem to have!
But your plan B is also an excellent one. Just done forget to keep an eye on that watch and dont get sucked in!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I don't know if this is good or bad, but it sure doesn't feel good. I was just driving with my son, who's 8, and he asked if Mommy and I were getting a divorce. I said "I don't know, S. Why are you asking that?" He replied "Mommy said you were getting divorced, and you would have to go to court."
Why is she telling our young son this stuff? And is she now planning on filing against me and taking me to court? I am losing my resolve. I want to go talk with her and ask her what's going on with her. I saw her this morning when I picked up the girls, and she was friendly, but very distant. She did say "You know, if you give mom money, I'm sure she'll take the kids out to get you a present" so she's concerned that I'll get nothing from the kids. We are barely speaking.
She is unbelievably thin. She's bordering on unhealthy at this point. I didn't think I'd ever see her this thin.
Wow. You certainly didn't expect that to come out of S8's mouth. You handled it well. I wouldn't read anything into what he said. Who knows at what point your W and son had this conversation. At this point I think this type of discussion needs to stay between you and W. Involving the kids at this point is harsh. It is my opinion that when the kids are told about the sitch, both you and W should be present.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
She has horrible instincts when it comes to how much to involve the kids in this stuff. And she does marriage and family counseling for a living! I think the fact that she's a "professional" gives her false confidence that she knows what she's doing, when her own emotions are clouding over everything.
