K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[Super Girl]

That kind of talk is nowhere in any of MWD's material, has no place in divorce-busting, and doesn't belong on this forum.

Sowwy Mommy, we promise to be better.

[Startingover2]

Ok, caught up in the new thread.

I think you are doing fine and the best YOU can. This is a tough situation and nobody knows your W better than you. For now, I would just focus on getting along with her for your kids sake and try and be happy in your own life. If she is going to come back, she will. I know its hard and you want to edge the situation along but there isn't much you can do at this point. She wants her freedom, but I also notice she wants to dabble in family life too. That may be just to ease her guilty conscience.

I don't recommend finding a booty call either. I tried to date when exh and I were separated the first time (pre baby) and it was so mind messing. I was using a very nice person as a crutch to get over my exh. Didn't help me. In fact it made my pain worse.

[PMA_Baby!]

Kevin. Even if she did want to come back YOU are not even close to ready. You have only done about 10$ of the work needed.

No one can help you if you are not willing to help yourself by detaching. No one.

This living in denial is getting really old.

How's those AA meetings going?

Have you seen the movie Ground Hog Day? Well you are living it.

[K4D]

Thanks Jon 2911 and SO2. Good points taken.

PMA, granted I posted a lot the past 2 days and have my moments of not wanting to let W go. Geez, she is my W. I have kids with her. We have been married for 12 years. Kind of signed up for life, or at least that is what I think was said when we got married.

This has been a struggle. I have gone through lots of human emotions through this. I have done some things I shouldn't have and changed some things I should have.

Everyone's path is different. But ultimately everyone on here has basically the same goals. Save the M and improve their life by changing themselves to be a better all around person. There are a lot of things I do not do anymore that led me to be in a bad position. So maybe you don't see it all, but I am far better off than I used to be.

Letting go isn't easy. But it isn't stopping me from being involved with others and helping out people when I can. It isn't stopping me from doing what I need to for my girls. It is stopping me from moving on to find someone else. My goal isn't to move on and find someone else.

It has probably hindered to an extent forward progress with me and W. I can't deny that.

I am however looking to make a change in my career and get a certification to move that forward which would be great for me.

I won't dodge the AA issue. I assume the meetings are going well for those that are still attending and need them. I have a C I go to and I have my priest I go to and I have friends that support me as well that I spend time with which does not include drinking.

I am doing fine there.

I always appreciate the time taken to give me analysis and insight.

Thanks,

Kevin

[PMA_Baby!]

How can you say you are doing fine when you are STILL exhibiting CLASSIC ADDICTIVE behaviors. You are ADDICTED to your W and your PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. You are CODEPENDENT and need to go to a CODEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS group for this.

Just because you have not been drinking alcohol does not mean you have stopped your ADDICTIVE behavior.

Until you see this connection you will be STUCK.

Do you want everyone to stop wanting to help because eventually that is what will happen if you keep on repeating this behavior.

I guess we need to accept where your at and stop trying to change it. Once again, YOU are the only one that can CHANGE.

PMA

[volleydog]

I won't dodge the AA issue. I assume the meetings are going well for those that are still attending and need them. I have a C I go to and I have my priest I go to and I have friends that support me as well that I spend time with which does not include drinking.

Sounds like a dodge to me, why not just say I'm not going? Did you figure out why you drank too much? Just FYI not drinking (which you still do) is a small part of AA it's about finding out and FIXING what caused you to do it in the first place.

I am curious how many you went to since at one point you said you had two sponsors...You don't have to answer but I think it's an issue...AA is hard it takes work, once again we go back to instant gratification...We heard a year ago about you getting a mentor for advancing your BA career now your talking about getting your PM cert, you do know you can't get one without PM experience, right?

I'm not trying to jump all over you but I want you to move forward with something and stick to it, something out of your comfort zone.

[Drew]

Kevin,

I'm going to speak purely from my experiences, and therefore be rather blunt.

I get the whole "for life, til death do we part, better or worse", all of that. Been there.

But let me be clear: She's not your wife right now.

The sooner you REALLY get your head around that, the sooner you will move forward. And by moving forward, I do not in any way, shape, or form mean finding someone else. You need to let go of your old marriage before you have ANY chance of having a new one.

Let it go.

Let her go.

Do NOT do things that you hope will "win her back". As counter-intuitive as that seems, it's counter-productive. Pretty much everyone is telling you that.

Find yourself.

Be the greener grass.

For you.

[PMA_Baby!]

Well said Drew. Doesn't get any clearer then that.

[iwantittowork]

It is stopping me from moving on to find someone else. My goal isn't to move on and find someone else.

That should not be your goal.

You'll be stuck right where you are, unless you move on. You W also knows you are stuck here, by her actions and how she communicates with you. That much is apparent.

Your goal should be refined to be:

"My goal isn't to move on and find someone else, it is to move on and find MYSELF."

[K4D]

I am trying to break some molds and move forward. I am not going back to AA. I have plenty of other things going on that don't require me to go to or need AA.

There is a difference between being codependent and knowing what is morally right to do which is to stand by the M even if it is down the toilet right now.

Yes, I know what caused me to drink. I wasn't willing to deal with the problems I had or believed I had in life and instead tried to wash them away with the bottle. I am taking those problems head on now and just dealing with them as they are. I am also trying to make forward progress in not being so stuck on myself and my situation that I can help others and do things for others.

VD, yes, I am aware of the fact that you can't get the actual certification until you have something to the affect of 5 years experience. And I also am thinking back and forth between BA and PMP. However, I can go through the certification courses and show the completed course work to help improve the current track that I am on. Not everyone that is a BA or project manager has the certification. A lot of them fell into it. I have some experience as a BA. The big one would have been had I taken the job I passed onto my W. Ok, huge mistake there on my part for not going after it and instead passing it along so I could be cozy with where things were. That won't ever happen again. I learned that lesson extremely well.

I know of plenty of cases where people are getting better jobs just for completing the course work and getting the certificate of completion. So unless I am wrong, it does still actually help to go through it and do it.

Is this what you see since you are a recruiter?

Kevin