Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[Day by Day]

I hope you are feeling better this morning. It does make it hard to GAL when you are thinking of how WAH would enjoy doing what you are doing or how you'd like to be doing it with him. BTDT.

[ravenly1974]

Oh dear I am sorry you are having such a bad day!!!

First, the no eye contact thing could be really good OR really bad. You just simply don't know and won't because you can't get into his head. I love what P17 said - it sounds like you did all that for HIM, not for YOU, and when he didn't have the response you were expecting, you were let down. I think that is why it is so important to detach for yourself and not for him, not to get him back. You need to be able to detach emotionally from him, and not have ANY expectation of him because he has proven time and time and time again to let you down.

Emotionally detaching helps you to be the best you because you are putting YOU first, not him. The spotlight needs to be away from him, and onto YOU. I also think it will help you make the best possible decisions for your future - Not having your heart dictating your direction but your head allows you to make a more informed, wise decision.

As for the other night, I am SURE he noticed how cute/sexy you looked. He had to - you are female and he is male - it is wired into their brain.

[newmama]

Thanks you guys. I really did not want to pretend to be dating but decided to listen to the advice that 99% people and my DB coach said (be mysterious, look good, make him wonder.)

I got a plain text checking on our son this morning--not the friendly ones he has been sending lately.

We'll see how tonight goes. I'm nervous he'll bring up D.

[P17]

I got a plain text checking on our son this morning--not the friendly ones he has been sending lately.

I am going to throw this out there but it's mind reading. Just take it with a pinch of salt.

Maybe he realises he is losing you and his son? Your GALing may be paying off.

The other side is that maybe he has made a decision in what he is going to do.

We'll see how tonight goes. I'm nervous he'll bring up D.

Then let him do ALL the work on it. Validate him. DB him. And anyway, from what I understand many M's have been turned around after a D had even been filed, let alone talked about.

Don't worry. You can handle this!

[newmama]

Okay he just replied to my text in his friendly way. I hate this.

Why can't I just tell him I went to a wine tasting party with new friends? Isn't that still intriguing? Men were there! If it were me, I would still be curious if he went to a party. It wouldn't be as threatening as a date but I would know he is meeting new people maybe flirting with women and having fun.

[newmama]

Thanks P! I know I always assume the worst when it comes to worrying about D.

[P17]

Why can't I just tell him I went to a wine tasting party with new friends?

Because then he knows you went to a wine tasting party with friends.

Isn't that still intriguing?

No. What's intriguing is that he doesn't know where you went. There is no intrigue when you know the answer!

Men were there!

Yeah, but it was WINE TASTING. Not a full Roman orgy. What is going to make him more jealous - you going to a wine tasting event or a Roman orgy? Okay, I get that these are a little extreme but you know what I mean.

If it were me, I would still be curious if he went to a party.

Of course you would. But you'd then say 'it was only a wine tasting party, what happens at those'. You'd be curious about what wine he tasted and if he had a nice time. If you didn't know where he'd went you'd be curious about where he went, who he went with, were there women there, did he like any of them, why didn't he take me ....

It wouldn't be as threatening as a date but I would know he is meeting new people maybe flirting with women and having fun.

I have to be honest. I've never been to a wine tasting but can you really feel threatened by your spouse going to one?

Put these in order of threatening - wine tasting - out with the boys - off to a strip club - off to a roman orgy - off to Salsa ...

It's actually irrelevant as the answer is his imagination. His imagination will do a much better job worrying him than you ever will.

See your previous post - your imagination has you worried about the D and all he did was send you a text!

[newmama]

p17, I am cracking up again!!! You are doing a good deed by making us laugh with your combination of candor and humor.

You are right right right! Now I hope he didn't guess that I just went to a wine tasting party (LOL)!

[newmama]

Cutter, the wine shop was in the same section as a bunch of funky cafes that have live music, natural food/ organic stores, that kind of thing. 80% of their wines were under $20 and they gave generous pours for the tasting fee!

The topics of conversation ranged from psychoanalysis& veganism, to marathon training and exotic dancing (guess who brought that topic up!)

And the wine shop owner had us taste vermouth which is made from 60 different grapes and 80 different herbs...tasted kind of "oaky!" just kidding but it was spicy.

[P17]

p17, I am cracking up again!!! You are doing a good deed by making us laugh with your combination of candor and humor.

I'm glad I cheered you up newmama. That's the NC work I had done ... back to my sarcastic humourous self ... before the S I was a different man!

You are right right right! Now I hope he didn't guess that I just went to a wine tasting party (LOL)!

This is the thing though, he couldn't guess. You walked in with a bag and bottles of wine. You could have been ANYWHERE. And even if his mind was 'certain' you'd been to a wine tasting, his imagination would still be playing the alternatives.

Never under estimate the power of the imagination in DBing ...


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