I have no idea how these things work on your side of the world. Here, men get away with paying practically nothing 95% of the time. No rights on pension, etc...
It seems year 3 will be it Frank. Start thinking of all the good things coming your way. xxx K
Thanks all. I'm up for a get together when you guys are.
Relief...went well. As I walked out of the room, my atty took out a yellow legal pad and scratched on it "A++".
It was a waste of time. The one thing that I was able to do was to show with graphs how everything was going straight down, even BEFORE the divorce. He picked on really minor stuff. He requested that I send him the world (2009 credit card receipts, legers, names of all docs that refer to me, insurance companies with provider numbers...everything short of my Calvin Klein boxer briefs.)
Well which is it? Boxers or briefs??Of course he asked for everything...it's the paper war. I used to object routinely that those motions for discovery were unduly burdensome, harrassment, etc and 90% were, and fishing expeditions...whatever... Also Frank, about moving...we were military and we did it SO MANY TIMES and the kids adjusted mainly based on our attitudes. Honestly, how we handled it had a huge effect on how they looked at it until they were in middle school and then it got harder. Before 5-6th grade, not much of a problem. They're flexible and interested in new places and new bedrooms, etc. Plus you won't be leaving for faraway and when I say we "moved" I mean different states, different hemispheres and obviously new schools...MOVING IN HIGH SCHOOL SUCKED SO MUCH, I REFUSED TO DO IT AGAIN, to our 2nd child and that was one more reason I stayed here when h left; to keep the promise. Good thing too. The friends they make in high school, CAN be life long. I have about a dozen friends from HS I keep in touch with at least monthly, (but I'm a chick and we do that more)...3 years in one place got to be crucial but again, that was only after they hit about the age of 13...
He asked about whether I had made attempts at other jobs. Of course. Most people recall the job offer I pursued in NY a while back. They asked about a job offer in Maine. Gawd....it was a headhunter postcard that came in the mail that I joked about as being cool at a time that I was still hoping that we might reconcile. Oh that detailed offer you selfishly refused?? I LOVE the postcard "job offers" my h gets weekly. "Great job with Great PAY and GREAT SCHOOLS!!" (and sometimes the pay IS GREAT) but then you try really hard to decipher exactly where the job is...and you can't...the details are sketchy at best and it's not always to be discreet...it's too lure you into a talk about an area you'd never otherwise think of living in...but OTOH, the best pay h ever got was a job I found for him in an argument we were having about why he didn't HAVE To live up north. It took an hour on the internet, and he said he didn't believe me, (I pretended to be him on the internet) and after I sent a message, they frickin' called him up that night and we flew out a week later and then moved there....yeah, it does happen. IF YOU WANT TO MOVE...if not, oh well. Choices = trade offs. How much $$ is enough? I urge you and everyone to read the book "Your Money Or Your Life" to put it in healthy perspectives...happiness curves with salary increases to a point, b/c WE DO have to have our needs met...and a fun thing or two also, but more than that can give you diminishing returns...
Of course, STBXW nodded, rolled her eyes, "I knew it" looks, throughout...
Atty: "why does she hate you so much?"
I held steady. Really....it was fruitless since I have already gone thru a 9 month forensic financial appraisal. It's quite clear..it's all about money. My atty felt that it was just to rattle me, that it was a waste of time and money.
Did you answer the question or not? God I would have brought out a 10 page list and read out loud the reasons SHE has given you over the past year, starting with the time she called you satan in front of the kids...yeah, that really ought to be the first reason...
I'm OK. Thanks for all your support. Looks like nothing until after the holidays. So..going into the 3rd year.
FIB
You win longest crazy divorce...so far! Sorry Frank but if your L said "A+++" I can't help but feel hopeful...do you? ((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Congratulations on a job well done! It's hard for lawyers to argue against hard facts. And judges love real numbers.
I never made it to the deposition stage, but the former spouse's exorbitantly expensive lawyer had me digging out five years of anything that looked remotely financial.. credit cards, bank statements, IRA, household expenses.. on and on. All I know is that I went through at least one big warehouse box of copying paper and zounds of ink cartridges to meet the demands along with the endless amount of time it took to complete it. I, too, thought it was a technique to wear me down.
And at this point it IS all about the money, but you know that.
FIB, do you and your atty make your W and her atty provide gobs of information as well? is there a tit for tat going on?
When I was a kid I remember moving from place to place as Mom tried to create a better life for us. Mom's attitude was what made the moves something to look forward to and I don't remember ever being sad about what we left. Building a new future!
Maybe some day your W will grow up and act like an adult and it will make parenting easier in the future. Until then, keep being a real adult and keep your chin up.
BTW, I bought myself some Crest Whitestrips. I thought you'd get a smile from that tidbit of information!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
To KerryK...no rulings. The attys will go back and forth now.
To 25: boxer briefs. C'mon...get with the program. They are shaped like boxers but fit like briefs. LOL. 25, my L's plan is that she is NOT going to try this simply on maintenance and CS. If they can't work this out, she will try the WHOLE case and her argument to her L is 'do you really want to risk your client's ability to have custody'? My L feels that there is a lot of damaging testimony. However, put that in perspective with the State of NY, a middle aged Italian judge that looks like Martin Scorsese and the axiom here that 'the kids are better off with mommy.'
To Gypsy...I am on FB. I am linked to most people following here. Yeah...he is going to submit a list of things a mile long that he wants. My atty, after, told me to take my time with it and laughs at it.
To WCW...hey..go for it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay looking as best you can. I'm going to be single soon. I intend to look the best I can for my future companion.
Anyway, the verbal attacks continue. I was doing a defensive driver course online this weekend when STBXW comes into the room and out of nowhere, begins to attack me. You can all imagine things said: I've bankrupted the family and lowered our level of living; I'm immature; the house is a mess so it's my fault (she has not done any housework); she is not going to do any more housework and that I will have to hire a cleaning person (last time I did that, most will recall that STBXW called the police on me when I had a cleaning woman come to the house to give us an estimate).
I cleaned the toilets last week. I do 3-4 loads of laundry a week. I fold. Do all the pet stuff. Make the bed every morning. Oh sheesh. No need to type this crap anymore.
OK..WHO...here..is the victim of verbal and emotional abuse?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
<< OK..WHO...here..is the victim of verbal and emotional abuse? This is all too common. The term "abuse" is much abused. She will throw sh*t at you to see if it sticks. Try to be be alert and calm at all times. Imagine you are doing major surgery when she goes on the attack and you will be fine.
Happy holidays, friend. Focus on seeing yourself past the problem, because *someday*, this craziness will all be behind you. So put your focus on the good times to come, and try not to own STBXW's crazy. After all, all of us have plenty of our own crazy to own.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Merry Christmas all....and...as they say in The Polar Express, I pray that you all 'continue to hear the bell' as the years go on.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
