You are moving forward Kevin. Its hard to see, but you are. The holidays suck for all of us. A time when familys should be together. Don't punish yourself for having feelings.
Nobody knows what your W is feeling or thinking. Nor my crazy exh. Enjoy the invitations you have and make the most of Xmas for you and your girls.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I'm going to make the most of it. I think I have just been feeling so uncomfortable heading into both situations that I have let it affect me to a negative point.
I can't allow the fear of being uncomfortable around them ruin any possible chances to reflect myself well in their eyes.
Like FaithfulH said, I have to man up if I want any chance of this working for these next 2 events.
I will.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kev....you are in a great place with your W....are you going to move FORWARD?....or BACKWARD?
I am going to move forward and force myself past these uncomfortable feelings I am having.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
what do you know about the population dynamics of foxes and rabbits?
They multiply fast. Not sure where you are going with this.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
what do you know about the population dynamics of foxes and rabbits?
They multiply fast. Not sure where you are going with this.
Kevin
I am a bit lost too...but curious to find out!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I geared myself up for dinner with the family tonight and D12's choir performace is at 6:30. The dinner is at 7. So SIL sent me a text saying she found out from W what time the choir performance is and told me not to worry about coming to dinner tonight. They will just have their dinner without me. I said ok.
So I guess it is just the choir performance tonight and then go home and figure out something to work on to pass the time by.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
So are they saying the dinner is off altogether because of the time situation or are they having dinner after the performance? Either way, you did fine.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I don't know if I am being played on this or not. Here is what has happened between yesterday and today.
Yesterday afternoon I IM'd W that the cell bill is due and how did she want to work it out for payment for it. Each month either we split it or I pay for it and she pays for something else. So I was asking how she wanted to handle it this month. She didn't respond. Then I sent her a text later asking again because it was a day overdue. Still no response. I finally called her later on last night and she got on the phone and started griping at me for calling her before I could even say anything. I was also calling to ask what time D12's choir performance was. She griped about the kids and setting up her tree and the kids being difficult.
She told me to pay my half and she will take care of the other half. W is not very good about taking care of bills timely and with this being a day late, I went ahead and paid half of it from my account and half from hers. I wasn't going to wait to see if she would remember. I sent her a text saying what I did and that it was paid. I didn't hear back. I have access to her account for things like this that we have done in the past with her permission. So I did it again but not really with her permission this time. I just did it. I then sent her a text letting her know our car insurance bill is due thursday and how much it is so she is aware since we split that one to. Still didn't hear back.
I sent her a text this morning again asking if she found out when D12's choir rehearsal is tonight since D12 didn't know and W was going to find out. She sent me and everyone else a text saying when it was and they would make the dinner after. I texted her back saying thank you. No response.
A little bit ago, I get a text from SIL, W's sister saying she just found out what time the choir performance is and she is not going to delay dinner so I don't need to worry about coming. She said dinner will be at 7. I said I thought it was at 7:30. She said it was but she changed it to 7 saying we wouldn't even get there til 8 tonight and she wasn't going to wait. I said ok and sorry about that. She said ok and thanks.
I had geared myself up for this dinner and prayed to God to please let it be a good one and a building block.
Last night I put up our Christmas tree so that me and the girls could decorate it on Thursday and I paid bills, made dinner, did laundry and wrapped niece's birthday present in anticipation for tonight. I think I will just give it to her as a Christmas present.
What I am wondering is why the avoidance and then attitude by W all of a sudden again simply because I am trying to get our cell phone bill paid. Maybe she is ticked off because I don't contribute to her health insurance plan that she picked for the family through her agency. The plan is $800 and a high deductible. I told her originally it was a dumb plan to go with and it would be better to put the money in the bank or search out a better plan. She went with it anyways. Given the difference in our pay with her making almost twice as much as I do, I don't contribute to those premiums for a plan I don't use anyways and advised against. And that aside, I think that knowing the differences in pay and that we are married and technically and legally, our money is both of ours, I don't feel overly bad about it. I mean if I were to get half of what we brought in and she got half, then I would be helping pay for her plan. But she won't do that. So I don't help pay for the plan. I do however pay for half of all medical costs for the kids of what the insurance doesn't pay as well as the cell phone bill and the car insurance bill and half of all other expenses for the kids. The other thing is that we each have a toll tag that comes out of her bank account. I don't reimburse her for that either. Basically I look at it as since we are married and she is still keeping all her money from a job I passed on to her, that is kind of my way of making it happen until she divorces me. If she chooses to divorce me, then obviously things change from a finance perspective. But until then, I consider the present situation status quo and legal.
Maybe I am wrong in this approach, but it seems to me since we are married, that is legally fair until she files and finishes a divorce assuming she goes that route.
As soon as I typed this, I got a text from W asking me if I got the text from SIL regarding not coming to dinner. I replied and said yes. I sent back a text saying I will go ahead and get the girls and take them to choir and then take them home with me. No response.
So then I called her to see if it costs anything to get in to the choir perforamce. She said no. So I just reiterated that I will get the girls before and take them home after since the birthday dinner is no longer feasible and she can have them back Thursday night since my night was originally tonight and only switching for the birthday dinner. She sounded put off with this and said she didn't realize we had swapped plans and she said we will just talk tonight at the choir performance. I asked if there was something wrong. She said no no, we'll talk tonight.
She just texted me back saying D7 needs a shower tonight. I guess she is going to give in to letting me have them back on my original night with them since the birthday dinner seems to have fallen through.
For a minute there I was wondering if I would have to set a boundary tonight with her and wondering what kind of fit she might throw.
Maybe the boundary has already been set and she realizes it.
I don't know.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Just an added note, W doesn't contribute to the C fees for the kids. I pick that up, so maybe the insurance isn't the issue since that almost helps offset are differences closer. Not real sure. Who knows.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Seems like there are alot of little things like bills that should be cleared up. Yeah, you are married legally but haven't been together in awhile. I would call your cel company and put your phone on your own plan. Let W take care of hers. Same with the car insurance and any other bills that are joint. I would simply call her and say it would be much easier in the future if bills were separate. No attitude. Just upbeat and happy. Actually do it over an email. That way you have a record of what you did and she can't complain over the phone. If this is the road W wants to go down, let her figure out some things on her own.
Good on the conversation about tonight. Plans fell through. No need to switch anymore.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
