Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Thanks DBD! Today I admit I wasn't the happiest. Just neutral with a few jokes thrown in here or there. In fact when WH came over, I was still in my pajamas, hair undone, yesterday's make-up. I didn't look terrible though.

Not much to report...nice again. He helped me pick out a different car seat for my car...I think originally he was going to buy it for me but I just took over on the purchasing part. I mean it's his money anyway; he is supporting me while I'm at home this year.

He said my cookies were good. He thanked me for mailing out the Christmas cards to his family.
He told me I was so good with our son. I told him he was, too.
I made a comment that I was having a lazy Sunday (although I got a lot of chores done)and he said everyone needs a lazy Sunday now and then!

When we were measuring S's length (I thought he had grown significantly because his pants are shorter), I straightened S's leg while WH measured. WH put his hand almost completely over mine as he measured-twice. I mention it because there really wasn't a need for both of us to hold his leg!

But although my DBing efforts could be resulting in a "nicer" WH, where are the actions from him that I need? Sure, I am getting thinner, becoming a better cook, housekeeper, more knowledgeable about relationships, meeting new people. But I would be doing this without DBing on top. The point of DBing is to bust the divorce in order to get a chance at reconciliation. So where's my recomciliation??? Okay, so I have been trying this for 4-6 weeks I think.Lost track. I guess I remember reading we need patience and perserverence (and I am praying also...am not a church goer but have always believed in God). I have one DB coaching session left so I want to save it for after Christmas.

I guess I am succeeding in not giving up and in stalling the divorce.

Before he left, I had done my hair and make up and got dressed again in a different set of pajamas! (I did chores and worked out prior.) I'm sure he noticed!

[P17]

I'm sure he noticed!

He noticed alright. Us guys are better at noticing things like that than you think.

[newmama]

Thanks P17! I can't wait til he notices my outfit when I leave to go out on Wednesday night!!!

[P17]

Thanks P17! I can't wait til he notices my outfit when I leave to go out on Wednesday night!!!

Make sure it is sexy while leaving most of it to the imagination. The most important thing - a positive confident smile.

[sgctxok]

In fact when WH came over, I was still in my pajamas, hair undone, yesterday's make-up. I didn't look terrible though. This CAN be sexy...think Kate Hudson...you know if it's true or not.



He said my cookies were good. He thanked me for mailing out the Christmas cards to his family.
He told me I was so good with our son. I told him he was, too.
I made a comment that I was having a lazy Sunday (although I got a lot of chores done)and he said everyone needs a lazy Sunday now and then!

This is nice, but it screams MOM, and not lover....it's REAL, but it itsn't wehre you want your compliments....from him. RIGHT NOW...you want those compliments from women...the hot ones from him...that's how you will KNOW you're moving in the right direction

[newmama]

Thank you, sgctxok! But I don't know if it's all bad because I was not domestic before our baby was born. I was hoping it would show "wife."

So if he tells me I look good, that's pretty much the only "lover" compliment I can think of unless we were a couple. He used to only give me compliments about our "love life" before... was not good at complimenting me on the stuff he does now.

So other than looking sexy and good, what else should I be doing to elicit "lover" compliments from him? I mean I am not going to cross the boundary of having sex with him (not that I have that option).

[newmama]

Tonight, I made Bobby Flay's grilled chicken phad thai and potstickers again. he liked it and cleaned up after. We chatted about little stuff like groceries and our baby's eating habits. He mentioned something on the news. I worked out. He did joke with me about "only child" comments...We (I) are/am only choosing to have one child. I get lots of crap from people.

I was telling him how I told the Bunco group that I (did not say "we") am only having one child. I told him the things they said (he'll be miserable, lonely, spoiled, unhappy,etc.) I told him someone gave me a comment to use: "If you have one child, you are a parent. If you have 2 or more, you are a referee."

He said just to tell them that I'm having one child so I can spoil him and raise him to be lonely. (har har) My old WH!

So other than that, rather quiet. Is it good that I say "I" instead of "we" when talking about stuff? I am doing it more and more. He still says "we" a lot. Sigh.

[newmama]

Should I flirt? I don't know if that makes it look like I am chasing or not. I was thinking of making some "that's what s/he said" comments because he does that a lot. And something came up that would have allowed me to say it.

Isn't it possible that WH is just thinking I am completely fine with "being friends" if we divorce because I am acting so nice?
Or do you think he remembers that I told him that I did not want the divorce?

[P17]

Should I flirt?

I would say yes. What have you to lose. But you have to do it right. Flirt like a tease and not like you want him, if you see what I mean. It's a careful line though. I'd watch carefully to see how he responds.

Isn't it possible that WH is just thinking I am completely fine with "being friends" if we divorce because I am acting so nice?
Or do you think he remembers that I told him that I did not want the divorce?

Your H, to me, just seems to be normalising and having his cake etc. He is still with OW and I think until he is forced to choose, you will be like this from now until the end of time.

I was also thinking about you saying you are only going to have one child. What would he say if you were thinking of having another - obviously with somebody else?

My thinking there is that he has a tie over you and has something that no other man will ever have with you - a child. He's marked his territory (you) in that respect. If you sow the seed of doubt that another man may mark his territory too, I wonder what would happen.

Tread carefully with this though. Sow the seed very very slowly otherwise he will see what you are doing.

[newmama]

I was also thinking about you saying you are only going to have one child. What would he say if you were thinking of having another - obviously with somebody else?

It would not be fair to my son if I had another child with someone else. If we D, I would get my son half the time and then the next child would get to be with me full time. I can't do it!

Your H, to me, just seems to be normalising and having his cake etc. He is still with OW and I think until he is forced to choose, you will be like this from now until the end of time.

Yes, normalizing is right. But I won't be doing this until the end of time!

He is over here today and just asked me if my SIL knows about Saturday night. We weren't even talking about it- he was thinking about me going out, I guess. I wonder if he remembers tomorrow night?