I appreciate it. Thats the thing often is I take the advice, but then standing there in front of my W I often crumble with it. I get frusturated with myself for it to. I come back here and post what has happened and I do post my frusturations. But I now I have only myself to be frusturated with.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I think the Tuesday night thing is good. Show all of them you are fine and ok with doing this. Its for your girls and what is best for them.
As far as the gift, I would get something for her from the girls. Something small, not extravagent and something they would give her.
How are you doing on not responding quickly? I am doing decent..not great all the time. Saturday morning exh texted early to let him know when she was awake so he could come over. I didn't respond. He sent again. I didn't respond. Then he sent "What the F***?" I waited another hour and he was clearly mad that I didn't answer right away.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I think I did pretty good with not responding. I didn't respond to W until about 5 hours later. I didn't respond to her sister until an hour later.
It sounds like you are doing good to with not responding SO2. We can do this. I think we are making progress here together.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Remember that nothing is a crisis. It is one day at a time. One lego at a time.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I decided to go ahead and join them on Tuesday. After thinking about it some, it does give me an opportunity to try and show them I am different than used to be. I can be positive and confident in front of all of them Tuesday night. It will be a little uncomfortable at first, but I can do it.
Exactly, they need to see a Kevin that's fun to hang out with before you get invited to more stuff.
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W thought she had found our wedding candle that we lit every year on our anniversary. She said I could have it if I wanted it. That hurt a bit thinking wow, our M really didn't mean anything to her at all. 12 years of nothing in her mind.
Did you take the candle? If not does that mean the M meant nothing to you?
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I didn't even know that we were getting each other anything for Christmas.
Why not just ask her? That's what I did last year with my now EX, saved a lot of wondering and stressing. Just ask with NO EXPECTATIONS if she says no just say ok just checking.
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She felt the need to tell me that her and the girls and her family all went and had pictures made together yesterday. I didn't say anything to that. She then proceeded to tell me it was no big deal. Ok, why bother telling me then?
It's called conversation, it's about your girls, why not just say something like I hope they come out nice...Be strong confidant wasn't there so I don't know but not saying anything could come across as rude(you don't want that) or self pity...
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Then she said she plans on taking the girls to a movie Christmas night. No invite to join. Ok, cool.
Who knows what will happen after spending the day together...
Last edited by volleydog; 12/14/0904:12 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Remember that nothing is a crisis. It is one day at a time. One lego at a time.
That is what I keep having to tell myself. Thanks KJ.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Did you take the candle? If not does that mean the M meant nothing to you?
I had told W earlier on when the A was going on and she wanted the D that yes, I did want the candle because it does mean something to me. I didn't collect it last night as the one she had found and thought was ours was not. But I will be asking for our candle.
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It's called conversation, it's about your girls, why not just say something like I hope they come out nice...Be strong confidant wasn't there so I don't know but not saying anything could come across as rude(you don't want that) or self pity...
I could have said that VD. I just didn't think about it. Again, crumbled on my feet. So I chose to say nothing.
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Why not just ask her? That's what I did last year with my now EX, saved a lot of wondering and stressing. Just ask with NO EXPECTATIONS if she says no just say ok just checking.
I guess I do need to ask her now. If she is thinking about getting me anything, I need to make sure I do the same. Geez, but what to get the woman who wants nothing to do with you? I saw a pretty cool picture frame yesterday I thought about. It wasn't expensive but nice looking. It was a decorative one, silver with multiple little frames that you could turn over like a farris wheel.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 12/14/0904:23 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Geez, but what to get the woman who wants nothing to do with you?
WHAT??? Right now she doesn't want you as a H, it doesn't mean she doesn't still have feeling for you...You are invited to a bday party that a month ago you wouldn't have, you are invited to Christmas at the inlaws, what more do you want now. Try looking at the positives and what you have and not just what you want...Remember: You can't always get what you want but sometimes you'll find you get what you need ...
BTW the picture frame sounds like a good idea.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Geez, but what to get the woman who wants nothing to do with you?
WHAT??? Right now she doesn't want you as a H, it doesn't mean she doesn't still have feeling for you...You are invited to a bday party that a month ago you wouldn't have, you are invited to Christmas at the inlaws, what more do you want now. Try looking at the positives and what you have and not just what you want...Remember: You can't always get what you want but sometimes you'll find you get what you need ...
BTW the picture frame sounds like a good idea.
I second that!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
WHAT??? Right now she doesn't want you as a H, it doesn't mean she doesn't still have feeling for you...You are invited to a bday party that a month ago you wouldn't have, you are invited to Christmas at the inlaws, what more do you want now. Try looking at the positives and what you have and not just what you want...Remember: You can't always get what you want but sometimes you'll find you get what you need ...
True. Just a few weeks ago they would have asked for the girls and not invited me with them. They would have simply asked if they could trade days with me. Now at least I am being invited with them. That is a good point VD.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
