W offered me them Monday or Wednesady night. I already have plans Monday night, so Wednesday night would be ideal if I take her up on that. She offered it to me with me coming to the birthday party. Again, I haven't responded to any of this yet. I just got done excercising and I am kind of fuming over the whole thing. I have to go get the tree from W in a bit and I know she is going to bring it up.
UGGG...
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Saintpaulia, commonly known as African violet, is a genus of 6 species of herbaceous perennial flowering plants in the family Gesneriaceae, native to Tanzania and adjacent southeastern Kenya in eastern tropical Africa, with a concentration of species in the Nguru mountains of Tanzania. The genus is most closely related to Streptocarpus, with recent phylogenetic studies suggesting it has evolved directly from subgenus Streptocarpella. The common name was given due to a superficial resemblance to true violets (Viola, family Violaceae).
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Seem to be a lot of positives Kev. Wish I could say that.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
"I haven't responded yet. Now I just got a text from W's sister telling me her and her daughter would like to invite me to her daugthers birthday. Her daugher is 5. I doubt she had much of a request in for this.
I still haven't responded to either text. I know this is nothing more than I have the girls Tuesday night and Christmas day which is when my W's family wants them. If this had anything to do with me, I would think I would actually be invited now and then to something that wasn't on the night when I had the girls for something they are wanting the girls for."
Geez are you really that thick? For someone who has a priest for a friend, was an alcoholic and considers himself a stander, you're pretty judgemental. You jump to conclusions and consider all others beneath you. And before you disagree, look at what you just posted. About how manipulative her family is, how disgusting your W's actions are (from previous posts).
Let's face it. They have a reason not to invite you to anything. You were an alcoholic...a user who didn't care about anyone else's feelings but your own. And you're still like that.
Did you ever think that for once, maybe they invited you to be nice? Not everyone has an agenda. You even questioned why I and others posted to you as if we had other motives.
When you were firmly "standing" for your M, you said that even if your Ds were going out with an alcoholic or abuser, that they should stay M and that you would forgive their Hs and see that they got help. Well I don't see that happening. For someone with a priest as a friend and considers himself a godly man for standing, you sure have a problem with forgiveness. It's that same condescending attitude that you are showing towards your W. You'd have to be pretty blind not to see that.
It's really simple. Do you want to go or not? If you don't than don't. Don't blame others for your feeling awkward. You're being petty and showing your Ds that as well. No one's "manipulating" you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
This really sucks the position they are putting me in. I know about plenty of other things they have been doing this month when W has had the girls, and not one phone call or text about inviting me. Now because I have the girls, I am all of a sudden invited. How am I supposed to feel about that. I am alreadying thinking about how uncomfortable this is going to be for me being with the family that wrote me off and banished me, knowing I am only there because they want my girls there.
I am really uneasy about going myself. I am almost half tempted to just tell them to take the girls and I will have them another night. Why do I want to be around people like that after the way they have been to me this past year and basically still are by simply trying to maniuplate me to get what they want.
Kevin I read this and it comes across to me as selfish and a little childish...Just a few weeks ago you were talking about how you weren't even aloud around your inlaws to them slowly inviting you, so what that they don't invite you to everything...Your W even offered to give you another night AND come to the party...This is once again your wanting instant gratification, if you don't get what you want the way you want it it's not good enough.
More important question what do you think your D's want to do? Would they be ok or disappointed in missing the party?
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
It is a tough place to be in but it is best for the girls to get to have both you and them. You don't have to excuse or forgive their behavior for you to give this gift to your girls.
Forget the (stupid) game-playing. This is your chance to be the wonderful father you are. You can be polite to them, without forgetting what they did.
Its only manipulation if you view it that way. This is your chance to show off your changes and focus on your girls. They have their reasons, their feelings, and so do you, but the girls are the important ones here.
Maybe I'm not understanding something. Is she offering these things in exchange for you giving the girls up additional time/days? You can nicely accommodate, or politely decline, and still go to the birthday party, or have the in-laws come to the concert.
If you get so hung up on WHY the wife offered these you will miss out on the joy of the moment. Remember about filtering what you hear and making your own choices about what fits for you? (Phone convo)
Originally Posted By: K4D
No,
I don't have any plans. D12 has a choir concert after school that I am attending and W and her family are attending. After that they want to do a birthday dinner at 7:30.
This really sucks the position they are putting me in. I know about plenty of other things they have been doing this month when W has had the girls, and not one phone call or text about inviting me. Now because I have the girls, I am all of a sudden invited. How am I supposed to feel about that. I am alreadying thinking about how uncomfortable this is going to be for me being with the family that wrote me off and banished me, knowing I am only there because they want my girls there.
I am really uneasy about going myself. I am almost half tempted to just tell them to take the girls and I will have them another night. Why do I want to be around people like that after the way they have been to me this past year and basically still are by simply trying to maniuplate me to get what they want.
Kevin
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Hey Stuck, just how helpful do you think the insults are? Honestly, if he bugs you that much then take a break. Its Christmas for God's sake. Can't you be a little nicer?
Originally Posted By: stuck808
Geez are you really that thick? For someone who has a priest for a friend, was an alcoholic and considers himself a stander, you're pretty judgemental. You jump to conclusions and consider all others beneath you. And before you disagree, look at what you just posted. About how manipulative her family is, how disgusting your W's actions are (from previous posts).
Let's face it. They have a reason not to invite you to anything. You were an alcoholic...a user who didn't care about anyone else's feelings but your own. And you're still like that.
We all have heard this. We got it. Really.
Quote:
Did you ever think that for once, maybe they invited you to be nice? Not everyone has an agenda.
This was a better start.
Quote:
You even questioned why I and others posted to you as if we had other motives.
That might be because you throw in insults with advice. Even if he needs to hear things that are difficult, insulting the guy or saying things in a hurtful manner do not help him to change.
I'm sure you are going to want to blast me for saying this, and I've got broad shoulders to take it. But let me explain further, nobody changes because they are walking in lock step with orders. They are just good at following what others say.
The minute they are on their own without advice to follow they crumble and make mistakes, then come to the site, only to be blasted for the mistakes. It is far better to offer advice and let the person incorporate the advice and learn what works. Even if they skin their knees a lot, when they learn a lesson it sticks.
Kevin is learning to be Kevin. On his own, in his own head, within his own skin.
Quote:
When you were firmly "standing" for your M, you said that even if your Ds were going out with an alcoholic or abuser, that they should stay M and that you would forgive their Hs and see that they got help. Well I don't see that happening. For someone with a priest as a friend and considers himself a godly man for standing, you sure have a problem with forgiveness. It's that same condescending attitude that you are showing towards your W. You'd have to be pretty blind not to see that.
I'm sorry, but this sure sounds condescending to me. Take a break and think. Just how much did this help him?
Quote:
It's really simple. Do you want to go or not? If you don't than don't. Don't blame others for your feeling awkward. You're being petty and showing your Ds that as well. No one's "manipulating" you.
It isn't about coddling someone or ignoring what they do. Its more about offering constructive criticism with respect for Kevin as a human being.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I decided to go ahead and join them on Tuesday. After thinking about it some, it does give me an opportunity to try and show them I am different than used to be. I can be positive and confident in front of all of them Tuesday night. It will be a little uncomfortable at first, but I can do it.
Last night W and I did sort out Christmas decorations and I got the tree. Apparently D12 has a Karate thing for her belt Wednesday night so I will get them Thursday night and we will decorate the tree then.
While we were going through stuff last night, W thought she had found our wedding candle that we lit every year on our anniversary. She said I could have it if I wanted it. That hurt a bit thinking wow, our M really didn't mean anything to her at all. 12 years of nothing in her mind.
Anyways, we came to the stockings. She asked how many I wanted. I said well, you haven't told me if you are coming over yet on Christmas morning. If you are not, I will take 3, if you are, I will take 4. She said that she will come over Christmas morning. So I took the 4. Christmas afternoon we will spend at her parents house with the rest of her family. Then she said she plans on taking the girls to a movie Christmas night. No invite to join. Ok, cool.
So at one point she finds a meat temperature checker she had gotten and asks me if I want that to be my Christmas present. Huh? I said no thanks. I didn't even know that we were getting each other anything for Christmas. Am I now so supposed to plan on getting her something? And if so, what? I got her something for her birthday that she had wanted and she went out of town on my birthday and got me nothing. So I wasn't planning on getting her anything for Christmas. Should I or should I not with her latest comment?
She felt the need to tell me that her and the girls and her family all went and had pictures made together yesterday. I didn't say anything to that. She then proceeded to tell me it was no big deal. Ok, why bother telling me then? Again, I didn't respond to it.
After we were done with that, I took D7 out to for pizza since she hadn't eaten and didn't want what W had. Me and D7 had a good dinner together and then I brought her back to her mom's.
It was onward home with the tree and decorations after that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
