Detaching, Still. 4 years later

[figgeroni]

[brandnewday]

((((((((hugs))))))))

Here we are again....happy families

I remember a time when the people here were actually closer to me then my own family and a time when we depended on each other just to get through another day of MLCBS.

Yes....

Detach, detach detach!!!

You have no other choice, because if you let every single little thing they do and say get under your skin you will turn into a basketcase.

Work on being the very best person you can be but for yourself NOT your spouse.

You can count babysteps and analize until you are blue in the face and all it will do is drive you even crazier.

Being a LBS with children is scarier then anything you have ever gone through, but you had better get your arse off the ground, stop the pity party and take a deep breathe because it is a long journey. There is work to do, so don't waste this time alone doing nothing.

And at the end of it you will be a totally different and hopefully better person regardless if you are reconcilled, divorced or in a new relationship.

You will know when the end has come, whether it is because you can't take it anymore, or if it is because you are at peace with actually letting go or because your WAS wants another chance.

You will survive, and you will come out on the other side.

Blessings,

Happy Happy Holidays!!!!

[TRUSTING]

Marvelous post and replies.
Lissie, I am so glad you are doing so well. I often think about you and remember your posts like they were yesterday. You helped me through some awfully dark times.

I love what you wrote about your children. They are survivors. I know my children would have been worse off if ex had remained in the home and they had witnessed his day to day weirdness. Everything does happen for a reason.....


God Bless

[Grace_O]

Lissie,

I was taught that we honor our "angels" by living amazing lives. I know she is not only very proud, but inccredibly honored by you.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas the very best in the New Year.

HUGS

[Freckle6]

Lis, I want to be you when I grow up. You rock.

Nicole

[yellowrose]

LISSIE!!!!! You sound so wonderful! I knew you would get there and you did because you are a strong, loving, caring person! We helped each other through all the hard time sitting on the "curb" and drinking our drinks! Oh don't forget that bus!!!! LOL

Love ya lots!!!

Y

[FriendlyOneDuh]

Holy Moley canoli!

I remembered my password! YIKES!

BTW, hi babe. You sound fab, of course. A certain handsome Texan I know said he'd been here recently and gave me the idea. :-)))

Adapting, accepting, and enjoying are three very important skills to learn. My experiences helped me so much with my frightfully annoying positive outlook. Good grief! I'm freakin' Pollyanna over here.

Shall I bore the peeps with the bridge story?

Love you

J

[Lissie]

And you have fabulous taste in shoes

Thanks UA(It's my fave name for you) ... The other day marked one year of no shoe purchases... AND I marked the occasion with buying the most beautiful pair of, well shoes..

Thank You, Sunshine.

If I have any advice it is definitely to live your own life, and don't let the lives of others affect your relationship.

BINGO...
CMNM
And thank u lovey.

i'm happy and thank God daily for His blessings, make this new year YOURS

Amen Cat.
Besos Linda.

Being on the other side of a bipolar person is horrible.
Good luck.

Thank you Sir Pilot. So Happy that your daughter is getting the help she needs.

you know everything that I am going to say so

(I am thinking it right now...got it???)

Hoboken Fig.. I know it's Hoboken.

My Goodness Christmas time really does effect you Christians.

whatever.
you know you typed that wearing your Jews for Jesus shirt. :-)
Thanks Muffin.

Here we are again....happy families

Thanks Dork.

Everything does happen for a reason.....


God Bless

((Trusting)) your post meant alot to me and thank you.
Bless your big heart, your family is blessed to have ya.

I know she is not only very proud, but inccredibly honored by you.

(sniff) Thank you so much my dear. I am proud to know ya Ginger babe...

Lis, I want to be you when I grow up. You rock.

Nicole

LMAOOOO Freckles???? I don't remember that name. I sent you a text message the other day, you weirdo..

We helped each other through all the hard time sitting on the "curb" and drinking our drinks! Oh don't forget that bus!!!! LOL

YES...sigh the bus was started b/c of your H, and bless his heart, I never had to use it on him..Thank God, and thank you my dear friend.. muah.

Shall I bore the peeps with the bridge story?

Love you

J

WAIT I had to rub my eyes. Please do tell the story of the bridge my love.YOU boring.. NEVER.. Not only tell it, Start a conga line of sorts while doing so.
Please tell that handsome texan I love him..
AND luv u mucho babe.

[FriendlyOneDuh]

Good golly Missy. Be careful what you ask for....

A TALE OF REDEMPTION AND STRENGTH, and a bridge. Suitable for framing and wrapping fish.

The other day, in an unexpected warm spell (26F, it's cold here!) I went for a walk in the snow. All by myself, no thought of running into neighbors, friends, moose, or memories.

I sauntered down the road, admiring winter's beauty, smiling and waving at oncoming traffic, wondering what was for dinner :-))

I made it to the bridge over the river near my house. I bicycled there all summer, many of you have photos of the place, but I don't believe that I've been graced with its quiet winter beauty in four years. Four long, very joyous, growing years.

You see, the bridge is where I walked with my ex husband, the day of the "I never loved you and you ruined my life" speech. After all that, he asked me out for a walk on that super cold, clear, crisp Christmas night. I went.

I asked if he wanted to go toward the cabins, yet he wanted to walk the other direction toward the river. I walked with him, growing into a mild state of panic, starting to hyperventilate, sure that he was going to rid himself of the woman who had been torturing him for all these years. Rid himself in a quick and horrible way.

When we arrived at the bridge, I stopped right at the edge of the road, wouldn't walk out on it with him, pretending to admire the night time scenery, the veil of stars, the sheer beauty all around. My thought wasn't survival, I had no hope of that, it was that my killer would not be brought to justice for this crime.

He motioned and motioned "Don't you want to see the river?" and "It's nicer from out here." I wouldn't budge. He finally gave up on that, and we walked back home, now with me in a full blown panic attack, being castigated for not following his instruction.

But, where's the redemption? you ask....

I went to that bridge the other day, dropped a leaf in the water, and said goodbye again to that panic, said goodbye again to that fear, said goodbye again to that life. It was draining, cathartic, sad and yet beautiful. I will probably have to do that again, one more time, and maybe then a time after that. When I dream of my now lost youth and love, it has become a bittersweet memory, a part of the past that was what I wanted at the time. And I have learned and grown and prospered from that.

I wish each and every one of you the same. The learning, the growing, the prospering, no matter what your particular bridge is, what your Waterloo, what your trials. With strength, beautiful friends, and doodles we can do it. We can do it as many times as we need. Makes me almost want to burst into song! :-))))

That is my Christmas Wish for you all.

J

*Disclaimer: I am not impugning my ex's motives or thoughts for that night, just illustrating my own state of mind.*

[Freckle6]

I'm being stealthy changing my ID and all! I just start to get paranoid that they'll find me here! I have no idea who "they" are, but that doesn't mean I can't be paranoid anyway. I just got a different cell number. I'll send you the # on FB.