I promised my angel that I would post at the 4 year mark. You better be reading Pilar.
Detaching, it makes me giggle to even write it.. I think all my threads were named detaching for the longest time b/c for the love of me I could not grasp the concept.
It's been 4 years since the man I married picked up walked out that door, and really never looked back.
Thank you God that he did that.. I would never be where I am now, if he wouldn't of left me.
So thank you XH.
My story is really no different than so many of the brave stories on here.
My Xh is still with the OW.. Actually his GF. They live together over an hour away..
I actually wish he would live closer, maybe he would see his amazing children more.
Seeing him with her does nothing to me anymore. It is awesome.
I don't really know what to say here except.
You are all going to make it.. You are all going to learn such amazing things about yourself.
Don't get me wrong, the long look in the mirror is scary stuff..
But you work on all of it one day at a time, set your goals, promise yourself and your children if you have any, that you are going to be the best you , you can be.. It will happen.
We all contributed to the demise of our marriages. Accept all of it, work thru all of it..
Then please, forgive yourself. Really forgive yourself. Everything happens for a reason.
When you know better, you do better, and you attract better.
Find yourself again ok?
I have no advice on how to get your spouse back. I know how much you just NEED to read those reunion stories when you get here.. I exactly know.
That is ok... You are exactly where you need to be right at this moment.
Just try to remember a few things along the way.
Forgive and forget, nobody is perfect. You do that for YOU and no one else.
Make yourself and your children proud. They have been through so much. Go easy on them, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
If you are angry, that is ok too, we all have to go through our own stages of grief.
Make the decision not to stay stuck in any one emotional place for a long period of time.. I believe you won't.. HAve faith in yourselves.
Spend time with the elderly and young children. There is a certain glow in their eyes, that makes you want to grab life by the ballz and live it to the fullest.
Divorce is not easy by any means, but it is not a death sentence. For me it has been a rebirth of sorts.
I try to take no one and nothing for granted.
I love to the fullest.
Is this hard on the children? Well yes. Does it get better for them.. I say yes.
Therapy and love, family and heavy prayers, have brought my children along..They are such wonderful kids. Do I feel sorry for them?
I did at the very beginning..Now to feel sorry for them is so disrespectful. They can do this.. They are doing this.. I am with them every step of the way, We are doing this.
Thank you my angels, that I met here almost 4 years ago. You had/have faith in me, and that pushed me so far.
I love that you are part of my everyday life. Thank you...
Lissett
Last edited by Lissie; 12/12/0901:04 AM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
I actually think he is even surprised he is with her.. His mom died, he doesn't speak to his sister.. His father lives across the state.. Where would he go?
I have "heard" that he is not so happy with her.. My children have seen not so great interactions.
I take it with a grain of salt from the kids.. They want their parents to be together no matter what.
Now that I look back, I kinda don't think he was MLC.. I kinda think those touch and goes he did, were to gain something.. Soften me up for something he needed. That was usually the case.
I know he has been diagnosed bipolar, I think all the weird stuff were manic episodes.
Those are just my thoughts. I wanted it to be MLC for a long time...I figured they all eventually come back if they are MLC.
My poor X was just weird :-)
Nice to "see" you mama, have great holidays.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
How funny...you have no idea how many times I tried to log in before I hit upon the right username/password. And I consider that a good thing.
Don't get me wrong...This place meant the world to me at one time. And I will forever be grateful to you, Ozzie, Ian, Betsey, and Meredith. You guys reminded me of my value. Sometimes daily when needed.
As you know, we are on two very different paths. I look reconciliation in the eye quite often...and I guess deep down I know it can happen if I want it to. And that is where this place starts to hurt. I told a very good pal tonight that witnessing her journey scares me to no end. As did yours, too, Lis. I can remember you posting about your XH stating to someone when you were out (and very separated) that you were HIS WIFE. Man, those words rang in my ears each time he did something stupid and as I watched him continue his other relationship. I wanted so badly for that to be the happy ending right then and there... you know, "She is MY wife," as he bent you over and kissed you hard while birds chirped in the background...just before you went on to live happily ever after together. And dammit, when that didn't happen, I was pissed. Oddly enough, I was pissed at my own X. Was he saying words that didn't match his actions? Cuz Lis, you know that he had a lot of words to say to me. And I remained so guarded. I couldn't relax, and I overthought every little thing...Rain Man-like, huh Ian???
I should have turned away from the board. Not you guys, but the sad, sad stories. You all know how it is to pull for someone's relationship only to watch it fall apart. For me, it made me question my own relationship. And living like that, it really hurt me.
If I sound as if I am blaming anyone other than myself, you are wrong. I feel priveledged to have been allowed access into the lives of people at their most raw.
You are right, you had to go through what you did. As did I. And darn you for pulling out my favorite Maya Angelou quote. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes...but it is a mixture of love and gratitude for my friends that is doing that, and I am not even thinking about my relationship.
If I have any advice it is definitely to live your own life, and don't let the lives of others affect your relationship. When this becomes a place that makes you feel worse, it is time to leave. Not forever, of course. But breathers are so very important.
Someday when I really learn to detach, I will post again. : )
Thanks, Lis, for showing me true goodness and pure love. You have a gift for making people better than what they were.
If he was diagnosed bipolar that is really tough. My mother and my daughter are both bipolar. My mother could never overcome the illness. My daughter I think will conquer it. She is on the right path. There are so many mentally ill people in this world. About 20%. The detaching is about the only thing you can do. Most bipolar people refuse to get help. I know my mother is that way. My D23 at least will accept it. She has taken charge of her own mental health. So I think she can stay on top of it.
Being on the other side of a bipolar person is horrible. Good luck.
My Goodness Christmas time really does effect you Christians. Look at all the great folks having come to Jesus posts.... Nice....
Pilar was a wise woman Bean, she wanted you to share after 4 years to show people that life goes on. That even when you spend so much time thinking your life will never be good again, it does get better. Thats kind of what I always got from her from what you have shared, she was always thinking ahead and trying to get you to stop looking behind.
Quote:
Find yourself again ok?
AND... (for FIG)
The you that you find may not be who you thought it was. Keep an open mind when finding yourself. Your marriage may have created a you that wasnt really who you wanted to be in life.
And you have fabulous taste in shoes 
