Kevin - She doesnt want to stop because she is "emotionally divorced". You can either accept it or not, but that is reality.
I have accepted that PMA. It sucks, but it has been accepted that it is what her mindset is right now.
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Go listen to Tim McGraws "Live like you were dying" and start doing it.
The words are inspirational in that song. Approach life like I am about to die. Good concept.
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Someday you will kick yourself for giving her any more of yourself then you already have.
I know you are 100% right on this. I already regret throwing away a year of my life being focused on her and not getting my own life going in a better direction. At the same time, I needed this past year to figure some things out and be able to adjust for the current reality of things.
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Show her the new Kevin and you might get different results. PERIOD.
Believe me, from what she saw a year ago, I have improved dramatically in many areas when around her. But I still have improving to do around her and with my own life.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Well, she doesn't stop because she knows you will keep getting past it.
I wonder if it is not more of a case of rebellion than anything. But it could be what you said to.
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Say to her... "W, due to your continued sexual R's with other men I have decided to file for divorce and move forward with my life".
If she says okay then file and be done. If she says no then tell her what you expect of her and what must happen for YOU to decide if you want to rebuild this marriage.
The nuclear bomb of divorce busting. And no turning back once it is put into motion. I honestly think she would be overjoyed if I filed because it would save her the hassle of having to do it herself.
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Show her you will no longer get past her affairs and do something about it!
This is an absolute must. Just am I ready to drop the nuclear bomb to make the point? It is a very scary thought to do it and move forward with it. I'm not sure how I would explain to my kids that I finally put the end into motion. I was ready to at one point but was talked out of it. I am not sure I am ready to file. But I do have to show in some form or fashion that I won't continue to put up with ongoing A's.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Sounds like you're on the right path. It's time for another list of short and long term goals.
I would make not reacting right away and waiting at least an hour as number 1 on your short term list.
Keep WORKing.
PMA
It is time for a new list of short term and long term goals. The first one is not responding to her anymore for at least an hour. That one I am implementing here and now. I need to sit down this weekend and come up with the rest.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
As my Dad always told me. "Talk is cheap. JUST DO IT!" He also likes to say. "Put up or shut up".
You get the picture.
Your girls will love you either way Kevin. You have tried. You were and are a stander. At some point they will also think your a doormat if you let this DISRESPECT continue.
It's time for her to $hit or get off the pot.
All this is doing is letting the resentment build. What happens in 4 mons from now when she files again because she met Mr. Wonderful. Will the time had made a difference. Set your boundaries now.
Did you miss my point about the Tim McGraw song? What if you were told you only have 6 mons to live. Would you spend it waiting for your WAW that is confused and screwing around or would you start enjoying your life without her.
If you would only take a stand and show her strength and that you wouldnt want her back she might start to care. But since you are still jumping at everything she says or does she knows that she still has to wrapped around her finger. She knows that she can play the guilt card against you whenever she wants. Show her that you no longer are going to play that game. Make 2010 the year that Kevin took back his self-respect. Found his inner strength. Gave up drinking and any other addictive/reactive behaviors. Do you need Rob Schneider yelling "You can do it!!!" outside your bedroom window? Come on man. She's not worth it. You and your girls deserve better treatment. Go to the bathroom and yell FREEEEDOM!!!! like Mel Gibson in Braveheart.
Now charge up that hill soldier!!! Keep on going until you hit the top!!!!
oh and also go rent "It's a wonderful life and family guy" cry your eyes out and move on to live your life. Dont you deserve to be happy???
I saw your post about waiting to respond on my thread! I already started today and the wrath began. Lets both do it just for this weekend as a start!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have watched "It is a wonderful life" many times and I never get tired of it. I haven't seen family guy. I guess I should check it out. I like your energy and positive outlook.
SO2,
We are both doing it this weekend. I am with you. Lets do it together. I am on board with you.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I may have blew it already last night, but start over this morning.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
