Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
As I said... I didn't reach this conclusion overnight and it wasn't until I had an actual nervous breakdown from the stress and anxiety that I finally started using my brain.
This situation has been going on for almost two years so things are not quite as fresh for me anymore. If you could read my journals from that first year you probably would never guess it was me that penned such entries.
My life changed the day I spent 12 hours pacing my apartment unable to breath or even function. I thought I was hiding my anxiety so well but I wasn't. My mom came over and said she didn't care if I hated her for the rest of my life but I had two choices and if I did not choose she would choose for me. Choice one was allow her to take me to the dr. that minute or choice two was she was taking me to the hospital. By this point I weighed under 100 pounds, I was in very bad shape due to my Lupus and my anxiety was actually diagnosed as a situational panic disorder. I was a true mess of a person so stuck, so riddled with pain and anxiety I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I didn't leave my house for months and became terrified of normal things (walking my dog, getting the mail).
So, many wonder why I keep talking with Keven when clearly it doesn't work. That is why. For almost 18 months nobody gave up on me.. not my divorce support group, not my family or friends even though I would not listen. I put myself through a horrid ordeal and it would have been 10 times more horrible had everybody given up on me since what they tried to do for 1.5 years "didn't work".
That sounds great. I feel the same way. I still have my work to do. I gave way too much of myself to my X and now I am trying to rebuild what was taken. It takes time. I still have problems letting go of the past. I try to forgive but because of all the lies that she told and continue to tell it's not easy. Especially when they affect my daughter.
I don't have problems so much letting go of the past. I have problems accepting the present and future of this continued path my W is on.
That is where detachment should be my #1 priority.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I have felt this way so many nights and mornings this past year. Occasionally, I still feel this way. But it is less frequent now than it used to be. Every day I find a reason to get up. It might be my kids. It might be hope that maybe today things will change. It might be a number of things that I find to get myself up and out of bed and proceeding with the day. But I still do occasionally have those moments of wanting to go to sleep and not wake up.
When I was in Florida, it was really bad. I wanted to end my life. I called the suicide hotline. I got on some meds which I am happy to say that I no longer need to be on now and haven't been on in a while. But I was on them for months to just be able to cope emotionally. I saw no bright side of life or a future without my W and kids. I found myself wishing I would drop dead of a heart attack, a feeling I know my W also had towards me.
But those days are in the past. Now it is more of trying to be a divorce buster and not losing track of what I should be doing each day
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
That sounds great. I feel the same way. I still have my work to do. I gave way too much of myself to my X and now I am trying to rebuild what was taken. It takes time. I still have problems letting go of the past. I try to forgive but because of all the lies that she told and continue to tell it's not easy. Especially when they affect my daughter.
I don't have problems so much letting go of the past. I have problems accepting the present and future of this continued path my W is on.
That is where detachment should be my #1 priority.
Kevin
How is it that we don't have an issue letting go of the past when they have done horrible things to us, yet they are the ones seemingly in the drivers seat? Not that we each haven't contributed to the demise of the M, but certain issues such as infedelity are different.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
How is it that we don't have an issue letting go of the past when they have done horrible things to us, yet they are the ones seemingly in the drivers seat? Not that we each haven't contributed to the demise of the M, but certain issues such as infedelity are different.
I can get past the infidelity of the past because I guess I am a forgiving person and I love my W and want my family back together. But it is hard to accept the present infidelity going on. If it would stop, I could let it be in the past. But it is not stopping at this time. It sucks every day knowing the infidelity is going on and how long that will last.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
How is it that we don't have an issue letting go of the past when they have done horrible things to us, yet they are the ones seemingly in the drivers seat? Not that we each haven't contributed to the demise of the M, but certain issues such as infedelity are different.
I can get past the infidelity of the past because I guess I am a forgiving person and I love my W and want my family back together. But it is hard to accept the present infidelity going on. If it would stop, I could let it be in the past. But it is not stopping at this time. It sucks every day knowing the infidelity is going on and how long that will last.
Kevin
Yep...my exh says that he ended it with MGF, but I know they continue to have contact. We are divorced so by all rights he can do what he wants, but if he truly means what he says (which is doubtful) he wouldn't be leaving the door open with other women. I can get past the infedelity if he would just stand up and be a man of morals and integrity!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
It is amazing that we can get past the infidelity if it would stop and yet they just keep on doing it.
In my case, my W actually wants me to hook up with other women. Go figure.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It is amazing that we can get past the infidelity if it would stop and yet they just keep on doing it.
In my case, my W actually wants me to hook up with other women. Go figure.
Kevin
Maybe...maybe not! When exh and I were first separated prior to baby I dated this one guy for a few weeks. He was great. I ended it because I still loved exh and wanted my M, and also how exh reacted to it. When exh got wind of it thru the gossip mill he freaked out! I mean called me and accused me of cheating, not wanting our M back, how could I if I really loved him...blah, blah, blah. Yet, he was with OW, me, and most likely countless other women. He would have this strange sense when I was on a date and call and text over and over. It was a complete double standard. Now, I haven't dated or done anything in 18 months. Morally speaking we are divorced and I could but haven't.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well, she doesn't stop because she knows you will keep getting past it.
Say to her... "W, due to your continued sexual R's with other men I have decided to file for divorce and move forward with my life".
If she says okay then file and be done. If she says no then tell her what you expect of her and what must happen for YOU to decide if you want to rebuild this marriage.
Show her you will no longer get past her affairs and do something about it!
