I feel no matter who I post to I make my stance very well known. If you have a WAS who wakes up one day and dumps you out of the clear blue and is having an affair and drains you financially and gaslights you on a daily basis it's time to get tough. I think I am equally blunt and direct no matter who I post to.
As I said, I learned that in the most extreme fashion. Kevin is a slow learner in that department but so was I. Slower than Kevin if you can believe it.
If somebody in need asks for my input then I will offer it, especially when I have experienced the same thing. It takes an awful lot for me to give up on somebody. A flaw? Perhaps.
Many of us *are* tough on Kevin and I know my intention is not to come across as a b*tch. I simply am not invested in his situation the way he is therefore perhaps I (or other posters) can see things in a different way.
If you go back and read my thread you will see that MLC25 challenged me many times in the same way she challenges Kevin. For me, I learn the most when I am challenged. I realize not everybody learns in the same way.
Kevin, how do you learn best so we can change our approach when we post to you?
Well, if you and your both know you might have to work late without having advance notice why don't the two of you put your heads together and come up with a backup plan when this happens?
Again. This is making something simple more complicated...
The person that needs the backup plan is the person asking for the "favor".. The other person isn't responsible for the backup plan.
Again.. When she asks..
the answer is a yes or a no.. There is no need to get so deep into this relationship stuff. Not needed...
If Kevin asks her for the favor, then he needs the backup plan. He also should just happily accept her yes or her no or whatever else she chooses to say to him when he asks.....
How is coming up with a backup plan for childcare getting "deep into relationship stuff"?
I don't have children myself so perhaps I am way off base but I thought the whole concept of co-parenting was to remove the husband/wife stuff and work together on issues that include the children.
To me, all this BS of IM's and last minute plans could be avoided if they had a reliable backup plan in place. Nobody would be forced to change plans at the last minute, both parents would know their children are being cared for and nobody has to worry about doing anybody any favors.
Again, I don't have children so maybe my view on this is incorrect.
CG your views are not incorrect and I disagree that this isnt about boundaries EVERYTHING is about BOUNDARIES when you are trying to GAIN RESPECT especially if you have never set them before.
We are just here to offer advice. Some take it, others dont. God Bless the US and the 1st Amendment.
I personally, like others get frustrated when you offer the same advice over and over and nothing changes. But that is "my stuff" and my need to work on patience.
I personally feel the advice that both 25 and CG have been offering is priceless. Michelle couldnt have said it better herself. If Kevin would take the time to REFLECT on all these posts he might actually starting THINKING instead of just REACTING which is one of the top ten characteristics of an ADDICTIVE personality.
Merry Christmas Everyone! Peace and goodwill to all. HO HO HO!
Hey, maybe it is us. Maybe ALL of us that post here are way off base.
And if it wasn't your point to say in a public forum that I "rip into Kevin" then why mention it?
It's intersting to me that certain posters here take a far tougher stance than I do. When they do it they get cheers, when I do it I am "ripping into somebody". Funny how that works.
I suppose all I can say is I am grateful for the people that spent hours of time for close to 2 years 2x4'ing me. It took a LONG time for it to register. But without their experience to draw on and the absolute resolute stance they took with me I would probably still be in the corner of my living room rocking in a fetal position.
So, your suggestion is I stop posting to Kevin until he takes the advice? Or are you suggesting I just cheer him on even if I happen to have a different opinion? What would be your suggestion or how would you handle things?
[quote]Interesting that she always seems to meet with recruiters at night. That is just a little strange.[\quote]
No it's not, being a recruiter it is very normal...If I have what I feel is a strong candidate I make myself available...STOP OVER THINKING EVERYTHING.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I don't know about anyone else or how they handle child situations but with my first exh (we have a great D relationship) we each have first right of refusal. If something comes up then I call him first and ask if he can take the kids, if he cannot then its up to me to find alternate childcare. He does the same for me. I want to be asked first to take the kids. Why would you (or they) want to be with someone else besides a parent if it was at all possible?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
