am sending longer message to you but for now, just sending hugs and hopes and prayers...
Let the truth come out and make sure the judge can distinguish you from the rich guys who have lied in his court and hidden assets. IT happens and this judge knows it. What he does not know is that you are a man who worked hard to get where he is, and had an awakening; you married later in life so your hard work to become a surgeon was something you used to help people and provide A lifestyle for your family, but not to enslave you or keep you from your kids. Don't let him lump you into the wrong group. You probably earned near what the judge earned...so don't over apologize and even if you earned a teacher's salary, SO WHAT??? Don't get punished for having balance in your life.... Get those numbers straight, as I am sure they are AND make sure the judge believes them and isn't rolling his eyes planning on teaching you a lesson when he rules on custody...more later.
Remember your bottom line message and stay on it: The judge gets a 2 for 1 by ruling for you to have custody. Why? B/C unlike their other parent, You will allow their mother reasonable visitation and you are not threatened by her being in their lives. You know mothers have value....Your love for your children will ALWAYS outweigh any negative feelings you may have for your wife and that, Frank, is why you are the better parent. And the better person.
hugs...Big hugs!! ((( ))) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Frank - they did that with me also and sent a forensic accountant in. Once the FA sees you're on the up and up it's actually an asset. The judge will then respect you haven't tried to hide anything. Hang in there and believe in the system. You'll be fine.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Thanks all. The judge ordered a deposition for 12/16. So, again, I am waiting for a list of financial documents that her L wants. Ugh...thought that part was over.
I am not hiding anything. Throughout the day, STBXW insulted me in front of both atty's and the LG who, btw, is clearly on her side. Honestly tho', we got thru parenting time without an issue. She was willing to give me 2 dinners midweek and 3 weeks summer. She wanted to rotate religious holidays, claiming she DIDN'T convert back to Catholicism and promised not to change the kids religion. I won't fight that.
The hitch is equitable dist, CS and maintenance. She wants it all. The LG looked at what 25% of my last year's AGI and said NO JUDGE is going to agree to a low number like that....that he would impude my income. My atty argued that it is law. LG said he could order more.
LG: "If I was able to, I would have the maximum amount of money ordered all the time because the kids benefit from it tho' I can't/won't do that to you."
A lot more crap after. Left courthouse at 445. Couldn't sleep last night. Thoughts of not being able to make payments and having my medical license suspended.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
stop thoughts of you losing your medical license for this, right NOW! That's nonsense. Trust me on this b/c it's one topic I do know and you ain't losing your medical lic for THIS...please...at least let that fear go.
As for the judge IMPUTING more income (sorry, I used to teach English Comp & can't help myself...) hey he can try all he wants. He'd have to impute, at most, either the average of a surgeon in your specialty, OR the highest salary you earned recently, (and the time frame for "recently" is debatable)--leave that to your L to tell you about...he's not going to choose the highest earning guy at Mt Sinai and say "That's what you SHOULD earn, even if you never did before"....and your L will tell you what's worth losing sleep over and I'm telling you that losing your med lic is NOT going to happen. At least not for this. Frank, I know doctors AND defended them, who did some pretty wacky weird BAD things, and most didn't lose their licenses...let go of that fear...enough said?? Takes a whole lot more than a divorce c/s issue to do that and if you could not pay the c/s, if you really could not, taking your lic away only makes it harder for you to pay. NO one is going to break the dinner plate...
But what's bugging me the most, other than how your w gets to bad mouth you and ...what's your L say to all that? Is anyone going to ask the kids about their wishes, or do they wait til they're 12/14?
Anyhow, To hear your w's people tell it, it's as if your w put you thru the schooling and training to get to your earning capacity, (which she did NOT do) AND as if it's a long term M (which it is not) AND oh btw, if money is so important to the LG and she'd LIKE to give more to the kids, save her the trouble of breaking the law to do so, and give YOU custody!!
Incidentally, did you ever make significantly more and then when the troubles began, take an income dive? Is that what they're suggesting or just that you are hiding assets? (BTW, Fraud could cost you your lic but hey, I KNOW that doesn't apply but maybe that's what you heard someone say happened....but again, N/A to you!)
HUGS again. Your next hearing is the 16th? Okay, that's Beethoven's birthday...don't know if that bodes well but he wasn't a dad, therefore he paid no child support....so, see....SEE???!!!! IT'll all work out. Frank, remember, stay on message...if that message gets through, you will prevail....so stay focussed on what matters... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Frank, Maybe I am a bit late with this question but I am going to ask it anyway. I know that infidelity is not a reason for Divorce in new York, but have you made it clear to the judge that you filed because the infidelity kept occurring? I am wondering if they are viewing you in this way because you were the one to file.
As far as the GAL goes, just keep being a stand up guy and let your wifes actions in front of her speak for themselves. I would not however hesitate to point it out. If she is being a bitch to you in front of the lawyers, let her now just as you would at home that you will not stand for it and she needs to be respectful. Slide it in there that she cannot speak to you like she does in front of your kids. Get your shots in and make them count.
Ian, I don't think he got to bring that up...fwiw.
Crossing fingers for you Frank...and by the way, I DID SKYDIVE for the big b-day and I'm alive b/c the chute opened and it was all worth it...and I SO wish I'd done it earlier. What a BLAST!!
So take what you will from that experience...
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
To 25...thanks. I don't think I want to skydive. Why? If the chute doesn't open, you'll have 2-3 minutes to contemplate that final moment and also to kick yourself for not staying home in front of the TV watching the morning news.
To Ian....as you know, infidelity is NOT a cause in NY and although Val confessed ONE to me and I have a smoking gun for 2 others, I don't have photos. Not sure how that works but if I am questioned about it if/when this goes to trial, I will discuss it.
Back to 25....I printed out two graphs...one of practice income...the other of the income from the wound care group I am with. Both show a parallel decline over the years. An 8 month forensic appraisal of my practice did NOT conclude there was anything else going on. Trust me. There is nothing to hide.
I will be deposed on 12/16.
It feels like everything is stacked against me. It seems like NO one can see STBXW as she really is. Tough times.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Since all you can control is how you are seen, focus on that. Don't assume that no one can see through Val, but who cares anyhow? It's you that matters and again, you're all that you can control. Someday your kids will be able to speak up for themselves and they know the truth, or will be able to articulate what their needs are. I hope your son gets asked something in private...hasn't he actually said "mom is nuts today" or literally used that word in some way?
Once this is over, you'll be more free than you feel now. I know you fear involuntary servitude for eternity, but first off, that's actually what you are in now, and 2nd, once free of the energy draining force that stbxw is, you'll find a lot more peace and IMO, you'll earn and do more. Your energy will increase and you'll do more than overcome this. YES I know no matter how this turns out, you're getting punched in the stomach. If it's any consolation, I don't think Val is having a party much herself. Don't know what her L is telling her, but she will be the ultimate loser in this financially. Even if you pay alimony, it won't be for very long. And then where will she be? Oh wait, that is NOT your concern.
Remember that "victory" in these situations-- cannot be measured by how miserable or happy the stbx is. It is ALL about how you do. Don't forget that Frank.
And don't give up the ship yet. I am not surprised that you think things are stacked against you b/c no judge is going to show his cards yet, to the extent he has, he simply doubted your numbers. Now he'll have them for real and he'll have to accept them. If he sees you for the parent you are, and reads between the lines, and knows there is NO OW (i.e., you are not trading in Val for a younger model--the classic cliche that he may fear) then he'll probably get a glimpse of the realities here. Your involvement with your son's team and the activities you do with the kids....hey, what's YOUR L telling you?
That's valuable. For now, try to lose the fears. ((((( j- ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
