K4D Rising #4

[Tomato]

more sleep & more doing stuff in RL.

More MORE more more!

I am outa here to do just that.

[K4D]

Hi Tomato,

This site is an outlet for me. I figure it much better to use this as my outlet than to use my W as my outlet. But ya, I need more sleep and to get out more.

I spoke to W briefly this morning about the day today and plans for D11.

After that W proceeded to tell me about her late night with her best friend whose H is not allowed in the house until he gets his rage under control in which he is attending C for. So W tells me that she would offer him a room at HER house but thinks it might be inappropriate. Really? Seriously? I didn't realize that anything was considered inappropriate with her.

Ok, knocked me over with that one. Her logic just completely baffles me.

Off to a great day now for D11 and D7.

Kevin

[K4D]

Well,

Yesterday went very smooth. We took D11 and 2 of her friends and D7 to Main Event. We started out bowling for 2 hours and eating food. Me and W just really had a good time together talking, competing, spending time with the girls, we ordered a whole bunch of food. We helped the girls with the bowling and everyone really had a great time. W checked out my phone and wants one. She beat me in one game and I beat her in the other. We were smart @ss's while competing but supported each other on good and bad bowls as well.

After bowling we took the kids to the video games section and spent some more time together while keeping track of the kids.

Then after we left we went by W's house and got some additional stuff for the girls and D11 had one of the girls stay over night.
W had gotten 2 things of guda cheese and offered one to me as she was not going to eat it. So I took that home with me.

W also went to open her liquor cabinet to get me a can of soda. Holy Crap, she has built that up completely. Very expensive liquors and fully stocked with just about every kind there is. I just looked at her like wooa. She has it in the cabinet, the fridge, freezer, out on the shelf in the kitchen. I'm like dang girlfriend. I guess she is ready for the holiday blues.

While looking at my phone yesterday she wanted to see my facebook page to see what it looked like on the phone. There is a facebook app on the droid phone, but I had not set it up yet so she wasn't able to view it.

Things seemed normal yesterday. It was like old times having a great time together with absolutely no tension. It was joking around and talking about how proud of our girls we are and just making a great and fun family birthday party for D11 and keeping D7 involved as well and making sure she was having a good time to since it wasn't her party and she didn't have any friends.

Today I am supposed to go over to the house and get our Christmas tree and sort out decorations with W to bring back over. She said she didn't want me to come by without her being there. Not sure why as I would not take anything we had not discussed.

She still has pictures up everywhere of me and her together and our family together as well. She did say that her and the girls and the rest of her family are having formal Christmas pictures made this week. That hurt a bit, but I showed no reaction to it. She told me about her 4 job prospects and one in particular that she was excited about the possibility of. I told her that is great and acted excited for her as well.

She asked if I had signed a new lease yet or had made a decision on whether to move. I said I have not decided anything yet, but that I found some really nice apartments in Plano I was thinking about. She said she is looking to get out of her moms house she is renting and looking to move to plano this summer as well.

Ok, so all in all, there were positives here, but the usual negative to. The positives, we are starting to be able to do things again together as a family and really have a good time doing it. Negatives, it just looks like she really has moved on and is simply able to enjoy me and the girls because I am no longer putting pressure on her. She feels free to be herself which does not include me in any romantic light. It feels like it is just turning into a friendship thing now. She even texted me back and forth this morning about our evenings last night individually and firming up todays plans and a bethleham recreation here in the area that looks cool that we had talked about yesterday. We used to do it with the girls in Florida each year. But she didn't say anything about the 4 of us doing it this year. So it may have been just a suggestion for me to take the girls. She keeps throwing Christmas event ideas out there for me and the girls but never suggests the 4 of us.

So I don't know. These are dramatic improvements from what they have been the past year. Alot of it has to be from me no longer pursuing her or putting pressure on her. At the same time, I feel like this is becoming a situation where she thinks I am coming to terms with her not wanting to come back and it is making it easier for her to be around me again.

From listening to her, her opinion of most people in this world is so negative. She isn't nice about a lot of people that make mistakes which she is feeling free to tell me more and more her thoughts on people who don't please her exactly the way she wants. It is quite harsh. She is very critical of them and has no use for them breathing the air that is provided on her planet.

So where does it all stand? Well, she hasn't refiled yet. Things are improving between us as coparents and even somewhat to a friendship level. Ah the friendship thing... That is the nightmare that nobody wants who wants their S back. I am not interested in being a bud to her like others. But I figure we have to start somewhere for me to attempt to build a bridge back between us. So I will accept it for now.

She also talked about plans for Christmas day. We will all meet at her mothers around 11am for brunch and presents. Then W said I should hang around for the afternoon into the evening and then she will take the girls with her for the evening that day.

New years she told me she has plans and that I can either take the girls or she will just get a baby sitter for them. She has no intention of taking the new year in with her girls. That bugged me. I have been invited to my friends house for new years eve. She has a daughter that is the same age as D7, so I would just take my girls with me there and we would all have a good time together.

New years day falls on a Friday which would give me a 3 day weekend. I wonder if it wouldn't be worth it to just head out of town for that weekend. I could head back to Jacksonville for a few days and spend it with my friends. I could head out on a flight at noon new years eve and come back Sunday night. Or I could just fly out to New York City and be at Time Square for new years eve. I have never been to New York City before. I haven't left Dallas since this whole thing began. Maybe that wouldn't be a bad idea.

At the same time I feel like my girls should be able to spend New Years with one of us, so maybe I will just go ahead and be the one that brings in the new year with them.

Kevin

[K4D]

I bailed on W tonight. I didn't feel like going over there. I told her I would just pick up the tree and stuff on the way home from work tomorrow. I told her I was tired and didn't feel like doing it tonight. She said she completely understood.

I think she is starting to see me not make her my #1 priority anymore. I am not just jumping at stuff with her anymore. It is probably helping things out if I had to make a guess.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

Good Kevin..as long as it was good with your girls there is nothing wrong with being independent.

I hate the buddies thing too. When my exh is in the middle of the crap that he does I wanted nothing to do with him. I barely spoke. I couldn't. I was wanting to get my own life back and being his buddy was so not helping. When he came to see baby I said hi and went and did my own thing. There was no idle chit chat in person or text. Now, we talk all the time...may be good for him, but I am scared out of my mind.

BTW, your Boys lost yesterday. They are our team too and it was sad.

[K4D]

The Boys are just unpredictable this year. They lose when they should win and they win when they should lose. I don't understand it. I wish they had a real coach. But "GM" Jerry Jones won't allow a real coach to take over and make them successful again.

Anyways, I wonder now if I spent to much time talking to Mel on Saturday. It think I might have. If I did, oh well. I think I may have just been so excited to have a good day with her and it was that I may have focused to much on her.

Tonight I will pick up our tree on the way home. D11 is home sick so I will need to take care of her. Work just has me swamped right now to which is good and bad. It is good to be busy, but sometimes I could use a break from the unreal deadlines.

I'm grateful to have a job though that is supporting me and my kids.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

I get the excited feelings too. I had alot of those this weekend. Go check out my thread. Could use some insight of the past few days.

Have fun with the girls and decorating your tree tonight.

[K4D]

SO2,

I will come over to your thread and take a look.

Tonight was good. I got to have dinner with FaithfulH and Fightin4mywife and a friend of mine. We have a wonderful evening as I always do with FaithfulH. What a blessing it truly is to have him as a friend.

So question... My W keeps asking me if I have renewed my lease or found another place to live. I tell her I haven't done either yet. She has asked this a couple of times. Why does it matter to her?

Kevin

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Because she wants to see that you're moving on, and that you're going to be okay.

Puppy

[Startingover2]

Thanks for your input on my thread Kev. Nice to know I am not the only one who analyzes every single thing

Who knows why she asked that. I guess we can't care. I read way more into conversations than what needs to be.

Sounds like a fun dinner! I met up with a gf that I met here too. Such a good time.