Yes you do need to work on becoming comfortable in your own skin. You certainly don't need a relationship with another woman right now. You are still marriaed and I belive that fidelity should be part of marriage . . . I guess I'm just old fashioned.
None of this is easy. I know that it hurts like hell. But you know what Kevin? You will make it. And one day I think you will actually thank you wife for ending the marriage. When I look at how you describe her, her values, her family disfunction. . . I wonder what you see in her. I know that you think she is attractive, but honestly go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and you will see hundreds of beautiful women.
What I hope you find someday, when you are healed and emotionally healthy, a woman that doesn't judge you by the size of your paycheck. A woman that will treat you with respect and want to spend her time with you. And you will someday if you really want to. But you have a lot of self-work to do. So do I.
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
Fidelity is part of M and I have struggled with it lately. Not physically, but emotionally. I am dropping that though and just focusing on me.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
SM, Not confused. Just struggled lately and caved and pursued a path I shouldn't have. I kept it quiet. But I am not pursuing it anymore.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You're human. Most humans want an emotional connection with someone. I just think you need to be in a better emotional place before you start adding a woman to the mix. Your plate seems pretty full at the moment.
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
But I really am done. If she comes back at this point, she would have to prove to me that she was worth taking back. With the guys that she has slept with and the image she has tried so hard to obtain, it would take a miracle.
25, I prayed and begged God for a full year for this. I fasted and prayed like crazy. I made sure that I went and stopped by a church on the way home from work to make sure I was in the Presence when I prayed. I would go days without eating to prove to God how much I wanted this.
I quess we can chalk it up that starving yourself is not a successful Divorce Busting method.
Whoa Steve! No so fast on the judgement.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
SM, Not confused. Just struggled lately and caved and pursued a path I shouldn't have. I kept it quiet. But I am not pursuing it anymore.
Kept it quiet from the people here who have spent hours and hours trying to give you advice? Including, most likely, advice to not "pursue the path you shouldn't have"? Am I reading that correctly?
So in other words, you're "listening to" and "appreciating" and "respecting" what people here have to say to you; then you go and do whatever you feel like doing anyway. And -- surprise, surprise -- it doesn't work.
I'm at a loss for what to say at this point.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Yes, you read it right. I took the advice of leaving my W alone and focusing on my kids. I also started pursuing someone during my off time and yes I kept it quiet because I knew it wasn't right to do. I figured there would be a backlash if I said anything about it. Like I said, only one friend knew about it. But I did just come clean about it. I guess I got tired of being lonely and the attention was nice.
I'm not sure why it makes a difference as far as DBing goes. It is really a moral issue. And I did not sleep with her. So my concious is at least clean on that front. But I did enjoy her. My W seems to be coming around in terms of attitude towards me. She is friendlier these days. Maybe by removing my focus from her it has allowed the situation between us to lighten up.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Just a note, this was not the one I met at the bar that night a while ago. I never pursued her after that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I have been taking the advice as far as approaching my W goes. I just used some of my off time with someone else for a short while. And it did make me want to quit on my W which was not what I should have done.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am not hardly someone that can be admired at this point now am I. I am human as Esox says. You can try and try, but sometimes you give in to emotions.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
